Good day to all,
The point of this is: How do I write a dear “Jane” letter, I am not sure if I should say to her that we should stop all contact and write an e-mail/letter and explain why? Just an e-mail, it feels better to write and reread it to make sure it is not nasty or hurtful. The face to face is better but we say things we don’t mean or is not understood the way it should be.

The rest is just blah blah:
Hmm….I know the builders would say “we told you to move on”. Short recap: Met a girl we liked each other a lot. We started to date, we have loads in common. I went to China for a holiday for a month where we kept contact everyday. I came back and after 4 days she broke up with me. (We did date about 4 months) I was confused as for things where great between us. She said that her head is messed up and she does not want to hurt me. So few days after the brake up she started to call me and stop at my place every day for the last 2 months. She told me that we are not back together but we go out to shops and it feels more than just friends to me…every night she says that it was nice to see me. She said that she would like to be in a relationship with me but she have to work those things out first. We have been talking about everything and anything and that made me feel even closer.
The things in her head is drugs as I thought…..she use to use and stopped for more than 3 years but she did take something (I don’t know what) during the time I was on holiday and now she thinks that she does not deserve to loved. She did lately open up to me told me about her past and that she is fighting against the drugs and that is the reason why she broke up. I told her that she does not have to do this alone. One of her friends died of an overdose last week. I hope it was a wake up call for her….this was nr 8 who died.
Why did I still keep contact with her…..Hmm? (I hear AAG and CO say) But this is too much for me to handle I still have feelings for her. It is great to be around her and I enjoy the time we spend together. But I would like more and she does not at this time.
The point of this is: How do I write a dear “Jane” letter, I am not sure if I should say to her that we should stop all contact and write an e-mail/letter and explain why? Just an e-mail, it feels better to write and reread it to make sure it is not nasty or hurtful. The face to face is better but we say things we don’t mean or is not understood the way it should be.

Hello vv,

My suggestion is to talk to this woman face to face.I am not a big proponent of casting off via e-mail.I think that way is very impersonal since you had been dating for 4 months+.If you had just known her a few weeks and went on just a few dates,then e-mail would be ok.That's just my opinion though.

I have no tolerance for anyone who does drugs so I think you would be doing yourself a "favor" by not getting anymore involved.

Vanasvegan, I say write the letter and bring it with you to a face-to-face interview.

Have you considered going to Al-anan meetings? That may help you understand why you having such a hard time moving on.

I am the wrong person to ask, as I am still trying to shake off G, six months after breaking up with her. I tried the "Dear G" letters, tried going dark, etc. She actually tried a very novel technique when I went dark - she started saying in her notes "as long as you are open to the possibility of a future relationship with me, no need to reply" - thus setting up the idea that by not replying, I was keeping the possibility open. I finally told her to stop, and that I will not reply anymore. I think she got it. Time will tell.

As for you, I would go dark. No need to explain/justify/convince. Just learn and move on.

AGG

As all ways thanks for the input!

I have written the letter but I feel strangely happy about just putting it all on paper and reading it again.

Have you considered going to Al-anan meetings?"

What are AL-anan meetings? As for letting go hmmm I have still some "love" letters from my high school days some where...

Van.

Al-anon is a support group for people who are related to or involved with alcoholics and addicts. The letting go I was referring to had to do with your comment that somepeople here would be wondering why months later you are still with this woman and how you said you still have feelings.

Sorry if my first response was cryptic.

Last week, I read this article in the paper - talking about 'Dear John' letters. Some fellow at West Point reported getting, at some point in the past, a letter that said:

Dear Bill,
"Dear John"
Love, Cindy

That was it...no more, no less.