Link to my sitch

I keep thinking that if I get some word to the ?OMW that something may be going on she may start to investigate him and maybe get some answers. Or at least get him to shut his trap at work. But I dont really have any hard evidence to expose in the classic sense.
I could contact her anonymously with some info that not just anybody would know and I think I could convince her. They are in D process already, so I dont think this would be hard to do. But I know there is some risk involved.
I dont know, my sluething leaves a lot to be desired. Not much fundage, no time, this stupid "work" thing, getting frustrated.

I never had hard evidence either but I wish I had. Since ex & his now GF (single, never married) worked together & had for years, it would have been pretty easy for them to say any contact they had was work related. On top of that, seeing each other at work put me at a great disadvantage. The fact that the OM & his W are in the process of D makes this somewhat questionable for you. Will she care? On the other hand, she may want to snoop so she has evidence to use against him.

If I were in your shoes I'd contact the W of the OM. Tell her what you think you know, see if she may want to work with you to get more concrete information.

Thanks nams.
Do you think I should do this anonymously untill I get some hard evidence? I know I could convince her that he is talking about sensitive things, maybe that would be enough.
I dont know, I'm working on getting some evidence. Been doing alot of snooping around the house etc.

I guess since nobody responded to the anonymous question its not a good idea.
does anyone think that the fact that W is telling me that he has confided in her things that the OMW probably wouldnt like count as evidence enough to expose to OMW? for the record she hasnt told me that he has said anything in a private setting to her in a while, its been amongst others there too, in a group setting. although I think she was acting funny during a call at lunch today, like I was interupting something, I just have to wait and see if she opens up on that one.

I'm waiting on some detailed call logs and thinking about getting checkmate just have on hand.

anyway thanks for the help everyone. I pray for everyone that is hurting, and recovering.

I would make the contact...and I would do it anonymously. The only problem you have is alerting A partners and having them take better steps at hiding things. I would do it anyway... and if there is enough circumstanial evidence (heck, just about all of it is when it comes to affairs) I would call the OBS right away. Weigh your eveidence and decide how to proceed. If you "know" in your heart there is an A... act now!

thanks MEDC. I pretty sure there is at THE VERY LEAST an EA I can only hope that my W hasnt gotten that far into it, maybe its just one sided on his part, but I know thats probably just wishful thinking.
Anyway, I'll refine my plan and see what happens.

thanks.

an anonymous exposure may be taken as a hoax

I understand that, and I dont want that. But I think I have enough info of what has been said that OMW would know could have only come from him, do think that would have any bearing on it?
What if she already has some suspicion too?

I would let OMW know of my suspicions. That way, at the very least, there are two sets of eyes watching them, and they are easier to bust. The easiest way to kill and A is to get OM to dump your WW for his BW. Maybe she can plan A him back into the M.

Jim, would you tell who you were with just a suspicion?

Yes - makes it more real that way. Maybe OMW has a few pieces to the puzzle that could help. Let her know that she can contact you if she sees anything on her end.

man, that just seems like a huge leap with what somebody else might see as no evidence. I would hate to be seen as the psycho jealous husband. wow..., I should be getting those phone records soon and I might give snooping a few more days. but I think it will come to this soon. to be honest its scares the ****** out of me.

Sure it does scare you. This is all new and just damn hard to do, but must be done

Give it a few more days for getting the phone records. The more info you have the better/easier it is when working with the OMW.

well I have some more ammo from my W. she told me that OM talked to her again about his W, and how he's ready to get it over with. comming from OM it sounds like OMW is trying to put him through ******. My W used to say she didnt have an opinion on the OMW, that she had always been nice to her, but she says she is now loosing some respect for her.
I'm not sure if this changes anything, I dont know how the OMW will take contact from me. I guess nobody ever does. Waiting for these cell records is like driving nails in my eyes.
My fear now is, what happens if his D goes through? It will take some time I know but if I cant get any proof of anything and his D goes through, and my W still works for him, how am I supposed to deal with this? Keep snooping for as long as she works there? The stress of that would kill me after a while. Not to mention I'd get caught.

I dont konw, still waiting to see if I can find anything, if I dont find anything I'm still screwed because I dont want her talking to anybody about personal stuff like that and she flat out told me that I had nothing to worry about and she wasnt going to be rude (to anyone but me i guess)

didnt mean to hijack my own thread.

Is your W having an affair with her boss? And why would you believe anything an OM said about his wife?

[b] [color:"green"] NOW I would .... after learning more about marriage infidelity from personal experience ....

I got a phone call from one of H's friends where he teased me with "Maybe you ought to find out who H is really going to see when he goes to (city)."

I interpreted his comment as disguised hostility .... turns out this guy was the ONE person my WH had told he was having an A ... this same friend told him to "go for it" and "you deserve it" ... because that is what he was also doing in his marriage.

soooooooo

now that I know what I know

YES ... I would confront/expose if I suspected there was an affair even in the absense of proof that would stand up in court

if you suspected child abuse, you'd report without absolute proof ... why? .... because the amount of damage that can occur while you ~wait for proof~ is substantial

do not delay because of fear
fear is not what recovers marriages

courage & conviction are required for recovery

if you cannot be brave now, your courage might fail during recovery

you will need to become the most courageous man you know once you enter recovery phase ... pulling yourself together to do what is difficult NOW .... is pre-recovery boot camp!

RECOVERY is HARDER than what you are facing now !!!!!!!!!!

Pep [/color]

[b] [color:"green"] if you call OM's wife and say:

"I don't have concrete proof ... but there is enough funny stuff that I STRONGLY suspect your H and my W are romantically involved...."

OM's wife will snoop from her end ... and the "proof" will likely be discovered in HIS phone records and credit card records....

both betrayed spouses snooping is an awesome way to find proof

call her & tell her what you THINK is going on

ask her to SNOOP on her end BEFORE confronting her H

give OM's wife a way to contact you when she discovers the proof [/color]

he's kinda her boss, supervisor of sorts, I really cant get more deatailed than that right now, if anyone reckognized the sitch I'd be screwed. and I dont know if its an affair or not, I know he is talking to her about stuff I dont think he should be, thats all I got, and that sick feeling in my gut too. And the fact that she wont tell him not to talk to her about it.

I dont know that I do, but my W does. She has this concept that he is a "nice person that just wants to have a normal family" I think its a bunch of crap myself.

thanks Pep, I think I have an opportunity next week to contact OMW.
I got to get my ducks in a row.

Thanks for the incouragement, it has helped.

Agree with Pep's excellent advice. As a rule of thumb, all affairees lie about their spouses. That is the RULE, not the exception. So, you shouldn't believe anything he tells your wife.