My wife and I have been married almost 4 years, we had a beautiful baby boy 6 months ago. My wife has changed drastically since his birth. She was on maternity leave for the 1st 5 months after he was born, in which time became extremely, if not dangerously, possessive of this child. Extremely anxious when the baby wasn't in her arms, didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, just stay home and hold the baby. Even when I had the baby in my arms, I could see the fear and anxiety in her eyes. When her leave was up, she returned from work after her 1st day, and broke into uncontrolable crying and said that the baby was mad at her for leaving. The next morning, I was awakened by the sheriffs Dept. and escorted out of my house by means of a restraining order, brought on by completely fabricated accusations of domestic abuse. I believe that jealously of me being at home with the baby while she was at work drove her to this extreme action. now she has filed for divorce, and refuses to talk to me. She refuses to admit that there may be some post pardum issues and just wants the baby all to herself with no influence from me what-so-ever. Please help... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hello stopthepain,

Welcome to MB,

Without knowing all the details,it sounds very much like your wife may be experiencing post partum depression.Sometimes there's a condition called postpartum (puerperal) psychosis.This type of scenario we see on the news where the Mother has killed her children by "voices" telling her to or other misguided,dangerous ideations.It's a very serious, acute condition that occurs usually within the first few weeks of birth but the severe depression itself can manifest for many months.

Does your wife (W) have any history of mental illness? Did she appear "normal" to you prior to giving birth? Is this your first child?

If your W has already filed for a divorce (D),you need to get your own lawyer right away.Particulary for your son's sake.He may be in a dangerous situation and you need to intervene.Does her family know what's going on? When was the last time you saw your son?

Get a strong lawyer as soon as you can and request a first court date as soon as possible. The lawyer should ask for a psychological review of your wife - or STBX - to be perfomed ASAP. Ask for custody until the review is done on the basis that she may be a danger to the child. While that may be a stretch, if she is whacked upstairs currently - it isn't that far of one.

Once you get the wheels turning then depending on circumstances, you may want to start delaying and playing the waiting game. She may be recomended for meds - which may put her back on track and change the whole picture about the divorce - there may not have to be one.

Ask for a GAL.

Fight for custody of your child.

GET A LAWYER NOW. Counter file NOW.

Thank you for the comments, I do have an attorney and we have had our 1st court date. The judge has ordered phys. eval. within 60 days, and also ordered immediate visitation rights for me at least twice per week. That was 2 weeks ago and I have yet to see my son. Everyday my wife comes up with a different excuse for the mediator, she has an appointment, he has to work late, the baby is sick, new one everyday.. My attorney has advised me to just play cool and lay back and let her continue to keep the child from me and she will eventually lose custody. Although this sounds great, it is truely not what I had in mind for a family, I would love for her to get help and piece back together our relationship.

She has always been extremely sensitive, I have always had to be careful what I say around her as not to send her into a crying fit. There has been many instances where she would lock herself in the bathroom and just sit on the floor and cry for reasons totally unknown. This condition has worsened since the birth of our son, but she insists that this is normal behaviour, and refuses to talk to a counseler about it. This is our 1st child, and she is almost 40 yrs. old.

I agree with the other posts - get a lawyer and if you can, a guardian ad litum for your son. Let them do the work for you to get her help and protect your son.

Remember that this is most likely an illness. She has a point of view that may not resemble what you can see. I can't imagine what you are feeling. However, I would like to appeal to you to treat her nicely when you have any interactions with you. How you treat her now will help her be able to come back to you once she has gotten the medical help that it sounds that she needs. I had suffered post partum issues with my kids and what I remember most is that my H treated me with respect even when I was at my most angry. It did help me be able to rebuild a relationship with him once I was back on track....

Hope this helps!

I have nothing to add to the other excellent posts, other than, {{{{stopthepain}}}

That means hugs.

Glad to hear you contacted a lawyer. Stay the course and keep digging and pushing.

This is a tough time. Be good to yourself - eat the best and as healthy as you can, take vitamins, etc. If your having trouble sleeping get some over the counter help or see your doctor. Keeping yourself as physically healthy as you can at this time is important and will help you in making decisions and emotionally more stable. Stay away from other women romantically AND physically the very best you can for now.


As hard as it is - your laywer is right. Do everything you can to follow his/her advise but also make sure he/she is working actively and agressivly in your interest. Remember - you hired and are paying for the services - keep him/her on task if necessary working for you. Sometimes because of case load and such a person/case can be put on the back burner. Don't let that happen. Don't harrass him/her though either.

Yes - keeping you from seeing your child is a big no-no and will be a big black mark against her. One that the courts take very seriously. A pattern of it needs to be established though - so you have to wait (as hard as that is) as one becomes clear and there is a quantity of evidence. [Side note - how early in your life do you remember ? 3 ? 4 ? 5 yrs old ? You have a little time - your son won't remember you "not being there" now]


I have been thru this. It is an uphill battle for guys to get custody and/or liberal rights for an infant/baby. It CAN conclude positively for you. I was told my chance of getting/caring for my infant daughter was next to nill - BUT - I DID. It was more than a year long brutal and expensive battle but it was worth it. I have custody. My daughter is 6 now and doing great.

Stay strong. Remember that you legally have each and every and the same rights to your child as your wife. Demand and fight for them.


Post. I'll check daily for a while to see if I can offer any advise/support. Offline also if you want.


Keep truckin.

Thank you all for the wonderful support... I saw a therapist yesterday, I think that has helped ease my mind a bit. Its just very hard when the roller coaster oif thoughts and memories come rushing in.. I haven't seen my boy for over 1 month now, I wonder is he sitting up on his own now, laughing out loud, eyes still blue ?? Thoughts drive me insane...

Hi again,

I'm sorry you have yet to see your son.That is sad.I have trouble to this day going without my own kids for more than a few days.I just love them so much.

If your W is making "excuses" that prevent you from seeing your son,start documenting what is going on and get the court involved again.She cannot do that to you since you do have rights to see him.

Hang in there!