Okay, I can see why you would feel that way, but

What Mimi said.

OW didn't win anything. She may feel like she has--in my case OMW has told me that WW has talked to her as if it's some kind of contest (like junior high, she said). It's pathetic and sick, so why would you want to feel jealous of that?

Plus, if WH is all that's left, you may be thankful to OW. Is it the Glass book that talks of happy BS's sending thank you letters to OPs after they have recovered (without WS)?

I don't feel jealous. It's been almost two years and 2 EA/PAs to help me figure this out, but I'm worth so much more than a wayward has to offer. I really am. I still have my down days, but that because I'm thinking of the man I fell in love with, and how great he helped me to feel. I haven't seen him in a while; I've learned to distinguish between the two.

Cat, you'll get there...

I don't think "jealous" is the word I would use. I feel anger, resentment, bitterness, rage....

I'm with SL...I might be jealous if I thought she got the man I married, but the man I married never would have sat and watched while some b!tch had his WIFE hauled off to jail for fighting for her family.

This guy is a phony, a liar, a fake, a totally self-centered, self-absorbed, egotistical, heartless, cruel, a-hole.

She's welcome to him. If this is all that's left, I'm waaaay better off.

I really, really prefer to think that H is dead. I can protect my memories that way, and tell the boys about this admirable man that WAS their father. This might sound weird, but I like to envision the ghost of H standing by cheering me on as I stand up for myself, our marriage, and our family. I also envision ghost H thanking me for defending HIS honor, not allowing people to mistake this LOSER for him.

I know...that's weird. I guess what ever gets me through the day...

I like that, Sis, thinking of the ghost of Husband Past cheering you on. It's your very own Dickens' novel...

Catgirl,

I understand what you mean and early on, I did feel jealousy but not anymore. We need to remind ourselves that our spouses are wayward. I most definitely do not want my WH back in my life because he is toxic. He's poisoned my trust, our friends, family and church all for this trampy OW. Albeit, the good memories of my H are still there but I have to constantly remind myself that it was he who decided to be the unfaithful one. I fought for my M. I lost so much sleep waiting up for him at night only to find his wedding ring off and he was with the OW. Now, I am finally able to sleep in peace. I don't worry about him. He's chosen this path and I'm not his babysitter nor his maid. I don't know him anymore. Unless he repents of his sin, I don't want anything to do with him.

OW and WH deserve each other. Their R is based on lies, deceit and adultery. What is there to be jealous about?

It has definitely helped me to let go with my WH completely. It's not easy and it has taken a lot of "mental training" but I have more peace when I'm not thinking about my WH and his adultress.

Cat,

I definately not jealous of the HO. I think I' more sad that he has someone and right now I don't. Although when I think what they have....it's all a lie and created so much destruction.

The man he is right now is not worthy of me.

Still

Cat,

I was jealous as well. It is a normal feeling.

The whole scumbag portion of the thread. Of course they are they are sleeping with a married person. It takes a special type of person to do that.

When I say special I don't mean a morally superior person.

One thing that helped me is my MC said of course she chose someone different then you. If she chose someone just like you there is no justification.

My M and my H are so bad so I slept with someone just like him.

So it was an idiot, cause I am not, a scumbag, because I am not.

The opposite of the nice careing guy I am.

The other thing for me IS I am not jealous of the women he was getting.

I wasn't jealous he had a woman that would run around on her H. If he has a person like that he can have her.

I got my W he got an adulterer.

If I got my FWW back I won if he kept my WW I won. Either way it's a win win.

Frog,

I like the way you look at things.

Win Win I really like that.

Still

Still,

Thank you. I appreciate that. I am a pretty optomistic person so I try to find the good parts in everything.

I think many might be jealous or have these feelings because they are associating memories of the WS with who they really are now.

The person the OP is getting is not the person you married. The person they are getting or the person the OM got was not a woman I would want to be married to.

As long as she was with him she was that person. He could have that person. That person is nto someone to be jealous over.

Now on the other hand if my W came back then maybe I would want her.

Frog,

I understand completely if my H came back I would take him back in a minute. I find it hard because I really don't think he is that person anymore.

She is getting a shell of a man.... one that has no problem walking away from his family. And he isn't get any prize either.

You know what we all deserve so much more... can you imagine what we can offer someone now?

I know that if my WH doesn't come back... that who ever I do fall in love with some day is going to get someone who has so much love to give... too bad Wh couldn't see what he is leaving behind.

Still

Still,

Well the thing is that changes too.

The A caused me to see the FWW's warts as well. I wanted my W back but not the pre A W.

I wanted a different better one. Most importantly the FWW I would agree to take back had to be repentant and remorseful.

My FWW ended her A but not her WW mentatlity.

So now my W is back and better then before.

The other thing I found out through personal recovery is that if I never met someone else to fall in love with..... I would be ok.

Frog,

That's the hardest thing I'm having to deal with. I don't want to be alone. I loved being my half of a couple. I can't imagine never having intimacy again in my life.

You know what's sad just this week (MOnday) I think I would of taken him back as is... lonliness can do that to you. But last night coming on here made me realise I deserve so much more. I just want to keep this attitude for a little while.

I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

Still

moved

{{{{{{{still}}}}}}}}


SB

I was jealous of the time he gave her. The fact that he told her things he would not tell me.

Turns out, though, he spent very little time with her, and they didn't talk much.

I was jealous of what I had fantasized their relationship to be.

Again - I was jealous of a FANTASY - not of REALITY.

Reality is, their "relationship" was

NOTHING

and it did not stand the light of day.

In the end, she will always wonder if he will cheat on her.
He will always wonder if she will cheat on him.

They are, after all, cheaters who lied to each other to be together - showed each other someone they ARE NOT, showed each other a FANTASY person in order to live a FANTASY.

It won't stand up in reality.

Don't be jealous of that. It isn't real love.

It will evaporate and they will have


NOTHING

Despite being told that my Ex's affair would end, it still continues, after more than 2 years.

He lives with the OW - and yes, I am still jealous of that.

I am jealous of the time that the OW spends with my kids. I am jealous that my kids are coming to like her, after she and my ex were the ones who damaged their lives.

If people have no sense that they have done anything wrong, they won't feel afraid that their affair partner will cheat on them. Why should they?

After two years, they are still together. Reality has well set in by now, and still the affair continues. They have everything! The love of my kids, a sound financial future, their health and love for each other.

I am the one with nothing. Yes, I am jealous!

this is the way i have been feeling. my Dh and OW lives in the house that i used to live in. this was our dream home and felt we worked hard to get to that point now she just walks in a thinks she has earned everything.it makes me ill. even though i have my own home i still get upset that she is thinking that she is still miss high and mighty and she thinks that she has won everything. my husband still tells me he has strong feelings for me but i dont know if he is confused or if this keeps me wondering if we can get back together.
i do feel lonely and i sleep alone(well my dogs sleep with me now) and i feel that i dont have anyone to share my day to day things about. even though my DH and i still talk 3 or times a week i know he is going home to her.
but i guess i am lucky so far that divorce hasnt been mentioned by him it is OW pushing it and she is still married. my DH said he has not felt like we are over enough for D. it is a crazy situation!!!
but i am glad that other people have those same feelings where it doesnt feel like you are the only one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi, bsj220! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Guess my last post was a bit of a rant, and most of the time I don't feel this way, but I am still quite bitter. I suppose only time will ease it.

I guess I am most angry about the injustice of it all. I used to believe in Karma, or natural justice, before this happened. But now I realise that yes, some people do terrible, terrible things, and it doesn't come back to haunt them.

They continue to live happy and fulfilled lives.

If I felt that my Ex and the OW would crash one day, that my ex would feel some remorse for what he has done, I would feel a little better. But, unlike your WH, he left and never looked back. Dropped me like the proverbial hot potato, and moved straight in with the OW.

Everyone accepted the affair almost from the first, except me. I felt like I was in a dream most of the time, screaming about how wrong it all was, but no-one could hear me.

At least your WH still has feelings for you. Mine hates me, because of the exposure I did and because the OW tells him to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Olanya,

Think about this: On the outside, people may seem to be happy and in a terrific, loving relationshit, but nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Everyone who knew us thought we were the perfect couple, always happy and always loving, holding hands etc. So consequently, everyone who knew about the A was SHOCKED and in complete disbelief about the whole thing.

What goes around comes around, it may take time, but it will in one way or another. Just believe in that.

Sorry that was meant to be relationshiP...really hahaha