Long story short, my husband and I have been seperated physically over a year due to his job. During that time he became very lonely and depressed and eventually started an affair with another woman. I have forgiven him, understand why it happened though no excuse for it. We are both working on making our marriage better than it's ever been and we are both very optimistic. However, we do have one problem. The other woman has not taken this well at all and continues to contact my husband. She initially threatened to put a restraining order on him??? NOT sure why b/c he made it VERY clear to her (yes, we did the letter thing and I read it and approved before it was delivered to her) that he wanted absolutely NO MORE contact with her. She called many times and eventually got so angry he was not returning his calls that she threatened him w/ the restraining order. In addition to that, she threated for breaking and entering (my husband went to her house while she was not there to get some things he had left) AND if that wasn't enough, threatened to go to the county commissioner and get my husband in trouble for some things she knows about him that were told in secret. My husband has a government job. Anyway, my husband eventually took her call after all these threats to try to ease her mind. Well, she turned a 180 and wants him to atleast remain friends (yah right!) My husband has remained firm that there is to be no more contact and that he is committed to his wife and family. She refuses to listen and continues to call and try to contact him! He feels he has to take her call otherwise she will go pyscho and get him in trouble. She is TOTALLY manipulating him...borderline blackmailing him for his attention. This girl is pyscho and I don't know what to do! I know I cannot contact her (nor have I through this entire ordeal). Advice anyone?

Get a restraining order on her.

Change all the numbers...move, if necessary. Have him own to his superiors what he did, that he wants no contact, and wants support in no contact.

He already IS in trouble...file a police report for harassment...get the restraining order, as namese advised. Best if he comes clean in all ways so there is no room for blackmail...from great ownership comes great marriages.

He did what he did and is choosing not to do it anymore.

Part of the path of redemption is choosing not to ease anyone else above his marriage...not to manipulate, smooth or comfort others at a cost to his marriage.

Change your numbers...block any emails...even change email addresses. Put a tape recorder on the phone (RadioShack) and document the harrassment.

You can do this. You are not victims...you have choices and power. She's no more powerful than you are.

He's choosing to BE manipulated. I say this not as a bash...knowing truth and not judging it. He can change his choices...he cannot change hers.

And welcome to MarriageBuilders! You can get ongoing support for NC, Recovery and life here...the forum Infidelity General Questions II gets the most traffic. You can create a thread over there and copy and paste your post from here.

You can do this. You aren't alone or unique. Welcome.

LA

This woman is not psycho, she is desperate!!

He is under no circumstances to allow her to blackmail him in any way and must be firm in his committment to have nothing to do with her at all. As long as her tactics are getting the results she wants, she will continue with them.

The others are correct, change all your contact numbers immediately and he is to ignore all attempts by her to manipulate him. She is only showing him how desperate, calculating and evil her true character is. If she was truly a friend, she would back off and allow him to mend his marriage with you. She is a friend only to herself; totally self-absored.

Hope he has learned a lesson from all of this. He sturred the cauldron and now has to put up with the poison of its ingredients. He cannot act out of fear.

Report her to her local police department. Put it on HER record of her threats. That way when she files an false RO, that will already be on her record.

Btw, I know an OW who filed false charges. I got to meet Ws' OW in court. She walked in lugging a large binder and cassette tapes. No one wanted to read or hear them but she lugged them in anyway.

I had already reported her to her local police so when she did that and tried to claim she was being harrassed by the WS, she really tied herself in a knot.

I certainly hope your OW is not from Hayward CA?!?!?!? If so, let me know. Maybe we know her. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.