A week ago, I made a confession to my husband about an event that happended sometime about a year or more ago. He posted about it the next day.

The way it all went down was kind of wierd and I am still trying to process it all.

Here's what I confessed to my husband:

One weekend when he was out of town, about a year or so ago, my 18 yr old son had some of his friends over. I gave in to their wishes of wanting to invite some more friends over and drink a few beers and play poker or whatever.

This is the first time I had allowed them to have alcohol in my home. I did not serve them. Teenagers can be resoureful and one of them showed up with a case of beer. I took car keys. Everyone crashed here. It was a bad decision I know.

After a few hours, some of the kids and their friends ended up in my office where I too was on my second glass of wine and listening to music. They stayed in there and hung out with me and danced. They danced. I was watching and wishing I could dance like those kids and they tried to get me to but I didn't want to embarrassess myself. I'm a closet dancer.

Anyway, the last guy standing finally talked me into dancing to one song. And I did it because there was no one left to watch so I wouldn't be embarrassed.

He was kidding around with me about how I was doing great and when the song ended he plopped down in my chair and grabbed my arm and pulled me down in his lap and reached in and kissed me. It was just a quick kiss ....almost like a peck to test the water I guess, but it all happended so fast. I sat there for about 3 seconds processing and he did it again. That's when I got up and told him I was going to bed. But before I walked out, I asked him not to tell anyone what happended. I cringe at the thought of thinking he did. I don't think my kids know (my stomach churns when I think about it) or they would have said something to me.

The 3 second processing time is what confuses me and churns my stomach. I think I liked the attention but when I realized who it was coming from (a kid) I came to my senses.

I learned alot since then of course.

What made this story so hard to tell my husband was the fact that the situation didn’t even enter my mind until this past January. I kept telling myself that I really didn’t do anything wrong and he was the aggressor and I just didn’t think I could bring myself to tell my husband for several reasons.

One reason was because I couldn’t believe I had not thought about this since D-day when my H and I swapped confessions. This situation never even entered my mind. I sure as he!! wished it would have because it would have been MUCH easier telling him then!

Not to mention I was pretty sure my H or anyone else wouldn't believe that I had forgotten about such an incident. I told my H after the confession that if the shoe were on the other foot, I probably wouldn’t believe him either soooooooo…..here I am.

I held this confession back for two months battling with wondering if anyone would believe me, desperately wanting to seek help for it here but knowing I couldn’t because H reads here, and I didn’t want him finding out about it on here.

The night I told him he did make it safe for me and told me that he loved me. He didn’t seem to be as upset as I thought he was going to be. Afterwards he went about life as normal and even went to play his video game. I felt really bad though. I hated the thought of him thinking I allowed that to happen and didn’t have a clue as to what he really thought of me. Still don’t although I have answered a few questions for him since then.

One more thing to deal with………..

I’m just feeling kinda numb and needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.

IMHO, a 3-sec processing time is reasonable, considering you were also drinking and was suddenly surprised by the entire event. I would also have paused for a while (maybe a lot longer than 3 secs, lol).

Whats important is that you made a decision NOT to pursue it any further beyond the initial kiss.

Just my 2 cents

Hi Devasted......

Thanks for replying.



I know right? I think my biggest problem was putting myself in that situation in the first place with the drinking and all. I was definitely not in a good place at that time. I was very vulnerable and weak. I'm soooooooo glad I wasn't that vulnerable to take it further. OMG.....that would have been so bad on soooooo many levels.



That made and me laugh, thanks.

I cringe when I think what my H would have done if he'd been in the same situation.

So how does this confession weigh in against being a WS? Hm.... you have given him ammo but cleared your conscience?

Ok, expect the WS to get stupid with his info. Remember you gave him the info, there's nothing more to fix so don't let him make you owe him one. He may try to use it against you and you need to have a rebuttal plan in place when he does.

Do you?

L.

Hi Orchid....



I think I was wayward for about 3 seconds in that situation. I was liking the attention until I remembered where it was coming from, a kid. I would like to think it wouldn't have gone any further even if he had been older and attractive to me. After all, I had been down that road a few years prior and realized that it wouldn't have given me what I needed. I must admit though, that I was probably still hanging onto some of the wayward mentality until D-day which was 6 months ago. I have learned alot about where my good feelings should be coming from since then.



My conscience probably won't be cleared until my IC counselor helps me make sure I know my "whys". I still feel guilty about sitting there for a few seconds and not just jumping up after the first kiss and saying something about how disrepectful that was to me. That's what I should have done I'm thinking. And, I'd like my H's forgiveness too. I made some bad choices that night.

Ammo? He was angry about it the next day. I didn't know that though until I read it in his post. He did express some anger about it after that too but not attacking me with it. At least it didn't feel like that to me. However, I am almost certain it will be brought up as ammo at some point. I feel like my H is passive-aggressive and it will come up some way or another.



I hope not. He's probably more worried about the drinking issue. BTW.....I don't drink often. In fact, I have probably only have had more than 2 glasses of wine no more than 5 times since d-day. And seldom before that.



I do agree I made a very humiliating and bad choice and I have asked for forgiveness. I hate the thought that even for a few seconds I disrepected both of us like that. I will answer whatever questions he ask of me. I did not give this guy myself or my heart. I hope this one won't be a tough one for him to get over. Putting the shoe on the other foot, I would be hurt if he had even had to process it for 3 seconds. But I would take comfort in the fact that it went no further. When I read an e-mail my H had sent to his OW, in it was a fantasy of his to have one of my friends or one of my daughter's friends (daughter was 18 at the time)come over to lay out by our pool and him rubbing lotion on her and it leading to sex. This totally disturbs me to my core. The thought of sex with a kid sickens me. This whole situation creates a trigger for me in my H's affair!!!! AAArrrrrrrggggggggg!



I have been mulling this over since I read your post. No, I don't have a plan in place but I will definitely give it some more thought. I have so much to go over with my IC I could be there for years........sigh.

Orchid.....thanks for listening and trying to help me with this. I haven't forgotten about the other post you were helping me with. This situation stalled all of that for a bit. I'll be back there soon I hope.

I have alot on my mind.