So here's my situation... hubby started going to counseling a year ago in response to issues from his childhood haunting him as well as marital problems. He has since made tremendous progress in the marriage. Unfortunately, him and his "counselor" have gotten very close. She's young and single and has started going way beyond the boundaries of an ethical counselor/client relationship. They call each other at all times of the day and night, they've met for coffee at least twice that I know of, she's come by our house when I wasn't home to "pick up paperwork", and my H even called her to watch the baby while he was at baseball practice (at the ball field of course) I didn't know he had practice that day or I would have been there!! I put up with the phone calls for a few months because she was really helping him deal with a lot of serious things, but when they started meeting, I started getting freaked out. And then with the baseball practice deal, I just lost it! I said that I was turning her in to the grievance board for unethical practice only to realize that I don't even know her last name! I've never met her nor do I know where her office is or what her phone number is. For the next month, he continued to "see" her while I kept trying to snoop to find more info on her. Finally I said that I couldn't go on with the situation like this. He at this point admitted she was more of a friend than a counselor and that in fact, she hadn't let him pay her since almost the first appointment! He even called her his best friend and said that he couldn't give her up. Over the course of the next few weeks, I let him know how much this hurt me and how upset I was that he was letting her meet his emotional needs instead of me. I told him I thought it was an emotional affair to which he responded that they were just friends. Finally after somewhat of an emotional breakdown on my part, he came to me and said that he knew he had to end his friendship with her. He said that he called her and told her so. I said I wanted to meet her or talk to her to have proof but he said she was afraid of me turning her in so didn't want to meet with me. That's where things currently stand. We are going to marriage counseling together now, with a man. And so far, my h seems to be back to normal, no hiding his phone and such. Do you think I can believe him???

No. I wouldn't believe him. Also I would find out who she is and turn her in so that she doesn't have the chance to do this with the next married man she "counsels".

Welcome to MB forever. Sorry you're here, but happy to have you.

No matter what happens with your marriage....this unethical counselor needs to exposed to the proper authorities. Who knows where she'll cross the line next. Your husband is willing to protect her....but is not doing a very good job of protecting you. It's very possible that he is having no contact....but the only way to know for sure is for him to open his life completely to your scrutiny. Even if all you have is this woman's first name....I bet with a little detective work....you can find out the rest.

Lastly....I'm really skeptical that you know all there is to know about this "friendship". I don't think you have honesty yet.

I'm glad you're in counseling.....what does he say? How does he feel you should handle the unethical behavior of this so called "counselor"?

No, don't believe him!

You need to do some serious snooping!!!

Go to this link....

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

The way to kill this A is through exposure. But, you need intel in order to expose.

Find out who she really is. She may not even be a counselor. Maybe she's someone he works w/...

Good luck!

~ Marsh

I think that she really is a counselor because some tof the insights and changes he's made in his life and personality are beyond what I think he could've come up with by himself. In general, he's become much more balanced, patient, has better communication, uses "I messages", takes responsibility for his actions, not as much blaming etc. The only thing she seems to not be helpful with is according me respect as his wife. When I begged him to please ask her to call me with her number blocked, she reponded that she didn't "owe that woman - me - anything". I really think she has feelings for him or why else would she risk her whole career for him? I also think that she totally planned on getting together with him romantically after our divorce was final. But he is always begging me to please not continue with the divorce and to give him chance to prove he will be faithful and loyal to me.

I got the state list of licensed therapists and looked through all 500 or so and there is not one with the first name he gave me. He did say once that he didn't give me her real first name. She says that she crossed all those bounadaries with him because she realized soon that he needed more help than she could provide him in the normal one hour a week. The grievance board is sending me a complaint form, now I just need a name to go on it!!! I really wish I had enough money to hire a PI. As it is, I've tried following him when I thought something was amiss but he caught me. His cell phone is a work phone so I don't get the records. I'm going to try a recorder in his truck... maybe I'll get a name that way.

Otherwise, I guess I need to be following plan A, right? I'm just so tired...

Is she in the phone book? How did he find her?

Just find out who she is and report her unethical methods - doesn't matter how good she is. An EA with a client is unacceptable. Duh.

Check his celphone records (but don't tell him), I bet her number is in there. That's a start anyway.
Agree w/ the others, she definitely unethical.

V/r,

No Way

Definitely unethical. How did he find her, how did he pay her? (even that first session) Get the number and find her that way.

I agree, the best way to find out who she is would be by his cell phone records. Order the call details for the last number of months they've been talking....you should be able to figure out the number from that. Depending on the company you can probably go online to access the bill.

When you identify her, turn her in the appropriate licensing board in your state.

Also, don't agree to just sweep all this under the rug. Read
His Needs Your Needs together and Surviving An Affair.

He should agree to the:

[color:"red"]---->[/color]Four Rules for a Successful Marriage

can I get phone details when his cell phone was issued by his job?