I am new to the site and need some advice...My bf and I are fairly new in our relationship. Things happened very quicky within a month of dating I found out I was pregnant. we both relocated to another city for work purpose and are together now with plans of being married. We have been together for 8 months now and just a few weeks ago I discovered he was on adult websites and soliciting sex. Infact I managed to get into his profile and read messages sent and replied too. The messages were very explicit. There were conversations about meeting in hotels ect. I found no proof that he acted upon this. I confronted him with my findings and he deleted the acct. He said it was just fantasy and never acted upon anything. He was soliciting sex a week after we moved to a new city, and was doing it long before him and I met. He even tried to solicite sex the week we moved. I still feel that he is up to no good. It eats away at me everyday. Ex. He keeps his cell phone by him 24/7. He used to just leave it lay around but not anymore! It goes to the restroom, shower, everywhere with him. I want to get the trust back but my intuition tells me something is not right. I love him and want this to work, but how can I get past this and get the trust back? Our sex life is great! It always has been. But i'm noticing different behaviors..If he has a late night at work..meaning coming home around 7pm he is not interested in sex. Maybe he's tired? I don't know. I just need advice now more than ever b/c there is a baby involed. PLEASE HELP!!!!!

Welcome. It doesn't sound good to me. It sounds like he is a sex addict, and if so, will only get better if he wants to get treatment.

If I were you, I would make sure he gets tested for STDs. Also, I would put of the wedding.

I'm w/ believer, put off the wedding!

My wife and I were basically in the same boat when we got married, except she wasn't pregnant and didn't find out about my lewdness.

Since you now know about your fiance's sex addiction, you have the opportunity to make an informed decision before marrying this guy. Yes, getting pregnant makes a huge difference, but in the long run, if he is not willing to change and get help, it will not be worth the "security" of raising your child married to their father.

I understand holding off the wedding, I really want to work on this with him. We don't argue. We discuss things. When I found out about this we spoke about it, and I haven't brought it up since. However it is still in the back of my mind that he is not telling the whole truth about things. I want to bring the topic back up, but I don't want to seem like I'm nagging...I told him in the last conversation that WE WILL MOVE PAST THIS! and that there is no need to discuss it any further. I guess what I'm asking now is..how do I bring this back up in a non threatening way?

Being on the other side before, I would calmly explain to him that due to HIS actions, he violated your trust, and that your questions and suspicions are the direct result of HIS actions. He must understand that he will not gain your trust overnight, and without him becoming completely open, honest, and transparent to you.

You are in the right in needing to know more. Again, without LBing or DJing, have him explain himself to you in every detail possible. Why is he so protective of his cell phone? Do you have access to his email/online account(s)? If not, request that he give it to you. Snoop on him, and don't worry about getting caught, again, it is part of him gaining your trust again.

It sounds like you want to take the easy way out and sweep this under the rug, not confronting him anymore, and giving him a huge benefit of the doubt. DON'T. The things in the back of your mind will build up into resentment, and you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak down the road. Be certain that this guy is worth committing the rest of your life to, as marriage is very serious business.

Read my story linked in my sig. If my wife would have known about my past behavior, it probably would have spared her from a lot of grief and heartache.

Read everything you can here, and study it, there is much wisdom and knowledge you can gain from this site. You've definitely taken a positive first step in finding this site and posting.

God Bless, and find the strength to do the right thing!

I've decided to write a letter to him, I'm going to give it to him tonight! I feel that I can express myself better this way. and get my point across. Is this a good idea?

Oh yes, excellent idea! I've done the same thing with my current situation. I feel that a hand written letter makes a huge statement, in addition to what it says.

Also, if you tend to get very emotional as I did, communicating your thoughts in a letter come across clearer.

Be prepared for no response though. My WW has been very distant and clammed up during our separation. She has never responded to any of my letters directly, only confirming that she did read them.

Just remembering you in my prayers, hoping things went alright with the letter. Awaiting to hear more from you soon!

God Bless!

Thank you! I really appreciate that. I did not give him the letter. The cell phone is not so protected anymore. In fact I had the perfect opportunity to go through it, but I decided not too. I am a firm believer that if there is something to hide, you can't hide it forever. I shouldn't have to go through things to find the truth. It will find me! I am going to take each day one at a time. I will not forget what happend. But I won't let it consume my life either. What he did was WRONG and I realize this. I have to trust that he will not do it again.

Our relationship is really good, it always has been. I realize you will have some obsticles to overcome. This is one obsticle that will take time. I believe with time we will get through this..

I hope I am taking the right approach to the situation.

You must find the truth yourself! His problem is not going to disappear overnight. You should have gone through his cell phone when you had the chance, no, wait, HE should provide his cell phone to you whenever you want. You should also gain access to his cell phone records online, in case he deletes his call logs.

What if the truth "finds you" several years from now after you've married?? Or are you going to be engaged to this man indefinitely?? You are setting yourself up for serious heartbreak. I know you're trying to avoid further heartbreak from the pain you're feeling now, but believe me on this, it will be nothing compared to marrying an idealized version of your BF that you'll find out later is still a sleazy sex-aholic.

Please, read my story. I was like your fiance. Each time I cheated/tried to cheat on my wife, I immediately felt guilty and promised myself I would never do it again. I buried my guilty conscious and put on a phony front that I was a good guy. I did not truly change until I took a long hard look at myself and committed to changing (with the help of my Lord Jesus), which you must have your fiance do before you marry him!

How old are you? I must say you sound very young and inexperienced in the leeway you're giving him. Again, HE'S the one who's violated your trust, so he MUST accept that you're no longer going to just take him at his word. Respect yourself and make him WORK and EARN your trust again.

Take care, and God Bless.

You sound like you would somewhat rather remain in denial and ignore the truth. I hate to say this, but some have taken affairs to their deathbeds. Those sentiments of "the truth finding me" is just to protect yourself from pain but getting married to a man who might be doing this without a full-on investigation will lead to more pain and regret down the road.
It's only a year or so or less into the relationship and he's soliciting sex... he's not even married yet. Wait until the boredom and monotony of marriage works on him and he feels trapped.. it can only get worse if this is not fully sorted and counseled before marriage.