First post here—I’ll try to keep it as concise as possible but please bear with me. My wife and I have been married 11 years, together 13, no kids. We had the classic “love at first sight” experience; in 2 dates we were head over heels for each other and completely faithful and devoted to each other. Best of friends, spent as much time together as possible, etc. Knew we were “the one” for each other immediately and got married with the mutual expectation of “together forever.”

Fast forward—my wife left in July of 2006. She is a typical “walk away wife” as described by Michele Weiner-Davis on her website (www.divorcebusting.com). Told me all the classics:
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”
“I was so devoted to you, but you forgot about me”
“You took me for granted”
“You ruined such a good thing in us”
“I have been unhappy and felt unloved by you for a long time”
“I tried and tried, but I’m done now”
“We’re just not compatible anymore”
“I just don’t trust you that it will be sustained”
“People don’t change”
“You didn’t listen to me”
Etc, etc.

I saw none of it coming. She withdrew instead of openly and tenderly communicating what was in her heart to me. Basically I unknowingly neglected her emotional needs, unintentionally of course, and didn’t sufficiently speak her primary love language (Quality Time & Conversation in the words of Dr. Gary Chapman of The Five Love Languages fame). By the time I realized it, it was “too late” in her mind. Panicked by her unexpected departure, I started doing all the wrong things—begging, crying, acting depressed, pleading, promising to change, multiple phone calls, flowers, love letters, being needy, etc. I began reading extensively and scouring the internet and realized my mistakes. I apologized profusely to her many times, poured out my heart, asked for another chance, only to hear “I have given you so many chances before.” My efforts to show her quality time were largely rebuffed. There were a few times early in our separation (summer/fall of 2006) when we seemed to be making progress only to see it halted by her refusals to go further. She quit our counseling and withdrew esp. after returning from a marriage seminar help by Chapman we attended in October. The next few months were characterized by her ambivalence and struggling with the Biblical/moral implications of divorce and “trying to get her feelings back” for me. No amount of cajoling about how actively spending time together was necessary for that to happen was convincing to her. She is completely about emotions and those drive her actions (“I had feelings for you before there were any actions when we first met”)

She filed for divorce in January of 2007 and took her remaining personal items from our house. The usual justifications were present (“God wants me to be happy” and “I know love is a choice and I have made a choice”). I found out that she is involved with another man she knows through her work as an interior designer. I know she attended a work/social event with him in late October that we were originally supposed to go to together. She was seen introducing him and my source says they appeared to be “together.” More evidence piled up (pictures of them at a wedding and another event, a Valentine’s Day date, etc. that I knew nothing about at the time). I finally told her that I knew a few weeks ago and knew who the OM was. She didn’t deny when confronted with what I knew but said “we have been friends for a long time but have only entered a ‘relationship’ of recent vintage” and “I didn’t tell you because were are through and this has nothing to do with us.” I know she has been saying to others that I didn’t know and was upset when I confronted her with all I did truly know. I suspect that the lead-in emotional affair long pre-dated the “relationship” as she puts it. She insinuates that her involvement with him is “not about sex or bad things” but I would be greatly surprised if the affair hadn’t turned sexual a while back (she was seen making out with him in public and I know she is, for all practical purposes living with him). He has also bought her a pair of pearl earrings that she knew I had planned on buying her before this whole crisis began.

Needless to say, I am devastated and shell-shocked by all of this. My wife has for so many years been devoted, loving, and faithful. The OM is married, being divorced by his 3rd wife, has kids, works as a handyman, and is 17 years older than she! He is not even good-looking! All of this flies completely in the face of her long-held moral and ethical values (she has been “praying and going to church” regularly during all this time) and is something that she would have strongly advised against to any of her single girlfriends—I know, she has told them so in years past. Yet, she finds ways to justify it—“I love him”, “we are building a family”, “his house is a home where we talk the way I wish you and I would have talked.” She denies completely that my concern for her is justified claiming “don’t worry about me—I haven’t gone off the deep end.” It is all baffling and very hurtful to me. Feel betrayed that she wouldn’t give me a chance to correct my past errors and instead gave herself to another man. Don’t know exactly when the OM went from work acquaintance to EA/PA status, so I am confused as to whether the affair occurred as an escape from our difficulties or is a rebound event after all hope had been exhausted in her mind. Or even if the distinction matters at all! I have asked her to break it off and offered forgiveness to no avail. She stopped taking phone calls from me a long time ago and has only emailed “business” matters a few times since the first of the year. Our divorce is scheduled to be final (we cried for hours and negotiated a settlement agreement a few weeks ago which I am still waiting for her to send me a copy of) in early April—only a few weeks away now. Yes, I have been totally faithful to her since literally our first date.

I have been lurking and reading here for a while about affairs and Plans A/B. One aspect of Plan A seems to be revealing the affair to the offending spouse’s family/friends. Read multiple posts on this. I did that to her father and siblings (I know they are advising her to “go for broke” in a divorce proceeding which she has thus far resisited). FIRESTORM! Her father (who is a Christian) was furious and insulting with me and claimed that I was butting in, using it as an excuse to drive a wedge, avoiding my own responsibility and failures, and, ridiculously, ruining any hopes for reconciliation. He said that she should “nail me to the wall financially” as compensation for what I had done (our settlement agreement was more favorable to me that the law requires—guilt? Care for me? Who knows…) In classic “shoot the messenger” mentality, he told me that I was associating with “slimy gossips” whom I should avoid. I have not heard from her since and haven’t called. Guess I totally messed up again! The last I saw her was 10 days ago in a chance meeting at the hospital I work at (I am a physician, she was there for a doctor’s appt.) and this firestorm happened soon thereafter. I have been on Plan B since. I have very little hope that this can be turned around though I am still willing. Her father suggested to me that her reluctance to forward the settlement agreement copy to me might be because of “2nd thoughts” and that I blew that by my stunt revelation of what I knew. I doubt that and told him that, even if true, no restoration is possible while a 3rd party is in the picture. He agreed and said he did not condone her actions but he was still angry at me. I apologized for any hurt I caused but also said that I was concerned about her, irregardless of us, and that “truth was truth.”

On the advice of a family friend/attorney, I have contacted her attorney to let him know that we do have a signed settlement agreement in place and that I am tired of her stalling on providing me with a copy so I can plan and have closure. Not heard back yet. I don’t know what else to do. I still have faint hope for our marriage as I do still love her and always have but I am torn by the need to protect myself from any possible vindictive behavior. I would rather be with her than any new person as I planned to grow old with her, but could I ever trust her again? Am I just wasting my time by even considering it? What happened to the sweet woman I fell in love with? I don’t even recognize her anymore by these recent actions of the last few months! Am I leaving myself open to more hurt? She had newly ordered books from www.marriagevine.com in her car last week—she says they are about recovery from divorce for her. Why does she need recovery when all she tells me is that she is long over us and is “DONE????”

Any thoughts/advice?????????????????????????????????????????????????

Hello ddc07,

Welcome to Marriage Builders (MB).

I was partly into your story and immediately thought that an affair (A) might be going on.Turns out it was true.I have been here years now and one classic statement ALL waywards spouses ( WS's) say is the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" (ILYBINILWY) one.Classic.I can't ever recall a betrayed spouse (BS) not mentioning that as a declaration from their cheating spouse at some point.

Also,the blaming of you as not "meeting needs" and other excuses that she probably formed in her mind as justifications/rationalizations for her cheating.And of course nothing really happened til now since it was over in her mind (lies) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry you are going through all this.We know what kind of wretched pain that is.One thing you should realize is that A's are usually about how that other person (OP) makes the WS feel.There have been many of us who have wondered how our spouses could leave us for older, more unattractive type "losers/opportunists" but there it is.

Exposing the A to the families was quite justified and you did the right thing.There are a few people on MB who don't believe in that but most do.Why? Because it helps to break the silence,the secrecy and expose the A to the ugly light it deserves to be in.A's thrive in secrecy.And unfortunately,some families,who are very hurt by the acts of their children,go along with what they want or are doing ( no integrity).So they turn a blind eye,support them or make you out to the the evil one by exposing (which may subside in time).**Did you expose the A to the OM's wife?? That is key even now.The OM's wife can be an ally and she not only has right to know,but it could put a damper on this OM having your W in his life too.

It's been since last summer when all this started so I'm not sure to what degree things can be turned around.Don't apologize for the pain being caused here either.That pain is caused by two people: the cheaters.If you tell your family that you wanted to save your marriage and were fighting for it by helping to fight the secrecy it was growing in then they may understand better.Most people who have not actually been through adultery/infidelity really have no idea what it entails.

Plus,when a person decides to cheat,and it IS a CHOICE to cheat,they undergo a rotten transformation.We call them the "aliens".We all wonder where our loving spouses went.There's a poster here named WAT who has a funny picture of a spaceship and an alien type man standing nearby to represent the "abduction".

If you have not done so already,I would suggest you go over to the General Questions II section of this board ( GQII),in addition to here where there is a ton of traffic and a lot of very supportive folks who can help you if you want to re-enter the fight for your marriage even though things are close to ending( not sure if that will work at this stage).

Also,please take good care of yourself.It takes a herculean effort to endure infidelity and divorce too.Try to get plenty of rest ,eat right and get into counseling ( not sure if you mentioned that).Most marriages do not survive an A based on what I have read.In my opinion a big reason is due to the fact that our spouses who have cheated,withdrew from the marriage long before we had any inkling that anything was seriously wrong so we never had a chance to make things better.

Unless you know what each other's needs are and communicate,we cannot be mind readers.Don't take blame for the cheating ok?! Things may not have been great in your marriage according to your W but she had an obligation to talk with you about her feelings and be a part of the healing process.Not choose to cheat to solve her problems.No one is perfect.The dysfunction lies within the cheater,alone.

Hang in there and keep posting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
It helps to purge all this stuff out.

I have also been a lurker here in an attempt to try and save my marriage. Unfortunately, it is basically over, or will be in 30 days.

Your story is exactly like mine. Married for 7 years together for 12. The only difference was that in my case I suffered an injury that required multiple surgeries, the loss of a career and 3.5 years on total disability. I have healed physically but the damage to the marriage is done and irreversible in my wifes mind.

She told me pretty much the same stuff. The one that hit hardest was how she felt I had took advantage of her by not doing any of the chores around the house for those 3.5 years. Now, I had a less then 5 pound weight restriction on each arm for lifting, I could in reality barely lift a cup of coffee. I was so jacked up on pain killers I didn't know if I was coming or going half the time, my sleep was irregular due to the constant pain I suffered, and I was mentally in a state of anxiety and depression because I couldn't work, could never go back to my career, and didn't know if I was going to end up a cripple.

The light at the end of the tunnel was approaching fast as I regained my health, went to school for a new career, and was on the verge of getting a substantial settlement for my injury when she dropped this bomb on me. This was shortly after she started hanging around a lot with a "work friend" who happens to be 25 years older then her. She is walking away from the marriage. She wants nothing besides one of our 3 dogs.

She is/was my soul mate and I am devastated as well. I have realized that there is nothing I can do to fix this since I have already tried everything. She went three counseling sessions and announced she was through. The only thing left to do is to end it and begin healing. I guess I am lucky since she doesn't want anything. I'm keeping the house and everything inside it. She wants no part of my settlement either. That still doesn't help with the loss of a wife you love as much as I do.

American beauty:

Thank you for your reply. I have indeed caught a few lies and know that there are many more out there. In particular, i do not believe, as you state correctly, that "this has nothing to do with us." There is no doubt in my mind that an EA (at least) was underway before she decided to file for divorce. I have substantial evidence of this and it explains why in October hopefullness quickly gave way to disinterest in our marriage. Sure that, at least the prospect of new love interest, over-shadowed the prospect of the reconciliation I was seeking at the time.

I know that the OM makes her feel good about herself and thus she overlooks all the obvious red flags she would otherwise not ignore. It explains all the justifications and excuses as well...

I felt bad about the email exposure of the affair and its nature to my W's father and siblings, but am confident now that I did the right thing.

As for exposing to the OM's estranged wife, I am not sure. Not even sure how I could or if it would matter to her. She filed against him (OM) in Sept.; I have an address (internet search) but no other info. Seems pretty cheesy to leave a note on her door and the OM has already called me once (on my W's cell) to threaten me and tell me to back off. I doubt he cares what his soon-to-be-ex might say. We live in a no-fault state so infidelity doesn't really cost you anything in a divorce proceeding. I would appreciate any advice you have on how/if to do this...

I guess I would want her (OM's estranged wife) to confront him, if she cares, without involving me. My nightmare scenario would be her not caring what he's up to (or already knowing) and then calling him (OM) complaining about some random guy showing up at her house. I don't know her and she doesn't know me. don't know what to do here!

You are absolutely correct about WS's withdrawing from the marriage before the BS even knows anything is wrong. That is my situation and is so frustaring because I feel i was never given a chance to apply my newfound knowledge to make things better.

thanks again and appreciate any advice anyone might have!

Hello. I too have been lurking on these boards for several days now. I understand exactly what you are going through. A little history of our story... My Husband and I have known each other for about 14 years, together for 9, married 7 years. We have a beautiful child who is 4. My husband and I had an INSTANT attraction to one another..never fought, soulmates..just perfect together. Our son was born 4 years ago, and after his birth, I suffered from PPD and severe lonliness( husband travels and my family lives far away). I started to pull away and retreat from him and the baby to an extent. So, instead of trying to help me or to understand the situation, he exchanged phone numbers with a female friend to "talk" too. (i think it was around 10/04). I first found out about the EA in 3/05, confronted him about it, and he was remorseful and wanted to fix things. So we tried...except he kept talking to OW on the phone. In 12/05, I discovered he was still communicating with her...so we tried again...and again in 8/06. After the D-day in 8/06, I really thought things were getting much better..until in 11/06, he revealed to me that he was in love with her and me and needed time to work through all of these emotions..I was a little stunned! About a month ago, I noticed that he was really pulling away from me, so I questioned him about it, only to get yelled at...I knew she was still around. A week ago, he tells me its over and he wants a divorce (oddly enough the same day the OW told her husband she wanted a divorce). The next day the OW, drove into town (she lives 3 states away) to spend the weekend with my husband and probably planned to stay in our home. I had plans to go to my moms for the weekend...the worst part is...I was going to leave our son with him, so I could go by myself. So, needless to say...I took our son with me. Let me back up by saying that the way I found out the OW was in town, was because I called the OW husband to find out where she was. OW husband is also the one who told me it was a sexual affair...OW admitted to her husband about 18 months ago...My husband lied about it until I confronted him about it last weekend...his response to me."Yes we are having sex, and I love it!" jerk! It makes me sick to think that husband and OW were carrying on around town like two lovestruck teenagers...ugh!! He even has gone as far as to call and talk to her in front of me, because his reason " I'm not going to hide my feelings and we are getting divorced anyway." He tells her he loves her and misses her..all in front of me...I don't know who this person is anymore!!! I filed for divorce Thursday and when I told him he had the nerve to look at me and say " I didn't think our situation was that bad"..HUH!??!?! That bad...my Doctor diagnosed me last week with severe depression and panic attack disorder...Does husband care??? obviously not!! I've asked him several times to move out, but he just doesn't get the gravity of my emotional state or care. He says he wants to stay here to keep up a happy front for our son...well he should have thought of that 2 years ago when he crossed that line with OW!!!! I've been a stay at home mom and am now faced with a very scary situation. I'm scared for all the things that I may have to go through in life alone without a mate. And it angers me that my husband is leaving this relationship and replacing me like its nothing. I'm going to be alone and he's going to be blissfully happy and in love. Its not fair! Sorry to go on and on. Its just nice to come to a place where others have been through it...it gives me hope.

Not so fast. I would bet against it if I were a gambler.

Hi again,

Glad you're still with us.

A's are likened to drug users so that addictive/high quality is always there (dopamine in the brain).It's part of the reason why cheaters lie,so they can keep engaged in the A.They have to make up stories to remain undercover until they are found out.

Regarding the OM's wife (W).How do you know that she filed for a D? Depending on how you know,it still may be worth your while to inform her.For example,many WS's and OP lie about their spouses knowing to keep you off track.The last thing that would benefit them in any way is for all parties to know since many times,a WS still wants the marriage too,although in the background.Not all cheaters actually do leave their spouse.They want to have it both ways and they are confused.

Except for maybe one or two states that I know of (there may be more) infidelity does not factor into D at all.Courts don't get involved in all that,though they really should.When you consider all the money,pain and destruction of families caused by A's,there should definitely be some consequences to cheating.It may even help deter some people if they knew they would get hit heavily in the pocketbook or with parental rights to their kids,etc.

The idea behind exposing is to shed light on the A and to hopefully help the bubble burst so they can't keep the A going unimpeded.The OM threatening you is also sometimes an indication that the spouse doesn't know.If you have more info about the OM's W that would help before deciding what course of action,if any,to take.

I have read about the addictive qualities of A's. Sure that accounts for her incredibly poor and out-of-character judgements here. Thank you.

I know the OM's W filed for the divorce from public records (on the internet) here in the Phoenix area. I also know from the same source that they have a settlement conference pending and a poss. trial date set (later this month and May respectively). The fact that she filed against him leads me to belive that she already knows about this A and poss. others on the part or her H (i.e. OM to me).

As for contacting her, I don't know how to do that other leaving a note at her residence (an address for her is all I could glean from public records). I'm not sure how that would be received and don't want to looked upon as some kind of loser stalker.

In any event I doubt the OM really cares about his current marriage (it is his 3rd already) so how would his estranged W knowing help? That is assuming she already doesn't know. Maybe his activities are what prompted her to file in the first place...could be this A or others from the past.

The threat you reference took place in the following context. Several weeks ago I had a drink after work with a colleague. I saw my W's car in the parking lot of this strip mall. (remember we have been separated for a long time and have had little contact outside of "business" since the first of the year). Knowing her hair salon was there I walked by and saw her getting her done--nothing unusual. She did not see me. Later that night I dedcided to go to the restaraunt/nightclub where my W has done much design work, is well known there, and frequents often. The OM is also involved with his work there. Of course I saw her car again there as I fiqured it would be. I went in and snooped. My W saw me before I saw her and scurried away rapidly. Next I know, she sends OM to find me. he intrroduces himself, gets in my face, and tells me to leave and never come back there. He calls the bouncers (knows them all well) to throw me out and keep me out. Later I get a call from her cell phone. it is him again threatening me to "move on with your life, she is through with you." "I know where you live and you know where I live--I don't want to make this ugly but I will if i have to--I know people." He is a slimeball for sure with lots of foul language thrown in.

I do know where he lives (phone book) and actually cruised by one day after work the week prior to all this to see just what luxurious accomodations my wife had apparently decided were acceptable to her. Lo and behold, what are the odds, she pulls up in her car just as I am momentarily parked on the street in front of OM's house. She gets out of the car and and says "OK, what do you want to know?" I am at a loss for words because I didn't expect to see her. She had let on when I first confronted her about the A over the phone a week prior that their relationship was "of recent vintage" and "had nothing to do with us" as she had already decided that we were over in her mind. I told her how surprised i was to see her living there and she had his kid in her car! I got some lame excuse that she was going a dood deed by watching his house and kid while he was out-of-town. Who entrusts their house and kid to a recently acquired girlfriend? BS of course.

That night I get an email from her that is long, rambling, and scary! It becomes more and more incoherent as it goes on about how sorry she is that I am hurt, how she just wanted to be loved by me as much as she had loved me, and that she was building a family with OM and it wasn't as sordid as i was making it out to me. (Yes, i do think she is acting like a tramp and told her so). I will post it--makes for some interesting reading!!!

I last saw her at the hospital I work at again by total accident (about 2 weeks ago). She told me that she tried and tried for our marriage but was done trying when i asked how she could throw everything between us away seemingly so easily. I told her all the info I knew on the OM (see my first post in this thread) and she seemed to know it all and even said that his jail time "was a long time ago." (which is true). that is when she was wearing the new pearl earrings from him that she knew i had planned to buy her before all this crap blew up. We parted with no remorse or sense of desire to alter course on her part.

The next day i got an email from her about some business issues related to our final settlement and the words "Dont worry about me--no, I haven't gone off the deep end"

She has not contacted me since and has ignored my requests to provide me a copy of our signed aggreement made via email, voicemail, and at the two meetings I just described. I do not understand why this is occurring but she denied anything other that "not getting around to it." Fed up, I left a message with her lawyer on Friday saying that I knew about the signed agreement's existence, knew its provisions, and asked him to tell his client to forward me a copy as she had promised weeks before.

She came by our house (where I live) to leave a few items of mine she had in the mailbox. I revealed all i knew to her family shortly thereafter and here we are...

It the Jerry Springer show!

Here is my WW's email from the night after i caught her at OM's house with his kid in her car. Full of truths, half-truths, and exaggerations:



i still love the red dress and the pearl.
always have.
me too. my favories.

sorry i have hurt you.
sorry you hav ehurt me
sorry life has comne to this'
so painful
tears stream
fear ensues
no trust.
who can anyone trust
no one.
i just want my life to go on.
i want larger bulk paynentdue at time of finalization. and i need keys for all,

i want the amazing piece in the m aster i desinged - where we hav e2. i want one. i cna invcoine an dyou can pay,''
so distraught. i want a piece fron beaman -= you have the berst and only ones - living/dingin, bar areas. i'll pick, you purcashe

if you sell house, please give me first right to anyting in house you dont' tkae with ou. why not giv enme that house you take MT house"?

so distrtaught,.trying to good deed - take his son to store - yhou make scene in front of himn. you grtabbed my arm - angirly - pushed to your car - helted nme ther until i got away. yelled at you - don't ****** touch me that way - ever - ou hav eno right,. go homne go homen. i just want to talk ewtih you mare. i drove away. h e vofollowed - i said ou touh methat way i would call vocops. eh said eh was just trying to hug ne. that's not a hug! it hurt:' still hurts now.
so sad sad he feesl so sad. i'm sorry that he's sad i';n sorry he havibng hard tine p sory he doens;'t understand why i'm here. his is a honme. not hosue. it's homne with love and nderstainding and friendship. we bile a familiy compassion and lisetening. not about any sex and badthings. those don't happen here., hone about helkpting and friendship.. talke abou twor k an d school and work and how it works.'

i an sorry sorry fo rp8ain he;s p[ut through. sorry for angish in hopeing i'd be bavk. i never fully vame bavk. that was make clear in octoer when i wen t to IL with familh. th atwa as a strainm, byt done with . reality showe d me that not reality with strain,,,,,soi keft strain behind adn foudn realityu.

sotry mike that you are hur. i loved you so deepkly, so uch, so many years...it never came bavk to me. i8 tried and tried. asked for me to fee it in retu;rn - it neve r came bavk to me. no matter how hard i tried, it never came bavk to me. didnt matter how many tears fell to the ground making puddles for little feet to splash in all oaver.... I just wanted to be loved. unequivacobly - comp;letly, whoolly, purely. love that would want to feel my hand as we walk donw the street love that would want to go shoe shopping with me love that would spend an afternoon working with me while i'm driving arpound love that would put me first when i work and make sure i'm fed. love that would bring met o someone who neds m y input and opinion. love that we can create together and build a place ht amakes everyone haoopy. and i resent that you think john just wants me here so he can 'gt laid" and that's all there is to him.

these are my thoughts., i'm sorry you're not in a happy place righ tnow. i pray you will find onw. you have an amazing homne - soon it will warm u;p an d ou willenm]jouy waht the hard as to offere.

you decide to sell house and move - i will help you put together - at that time i nay remvoe addtional itmes that don't need to be there for sales - liek all the mirrors in various places.
you hav e upset me by your appearance here. wonder who led yo u to this diretction. makes me uncomfortable to sleep. i may just go to a hotel. you'd never find me again. that's m y goal. can't deal with this. i've been hiding all oaver valleyu for month - so many plances ll jsut trying to find a place more comforable , qauieter, safer than the last.

i have tears, they will hopefully make me sleep.
me


and tell your "friends' to not text me unless theay hav e something worth saying - not just their useless opinion that stared us in this wholemess

Since the OM's W has already filed and you actually know for sure then it may just be inconsequential to do anything about that now.

If you stayed here long enough,you would see just how warped and really bizarre some of the behavior is by the cheaters.We all have stories to tell so you are not alone.One thing that helped me so much by being here was knowing I wasn't going insane.I was right to feel the way I did.I wasn't crazy.And other's knew just what I was going through on a personal level.




That must have been very interesting.I too got all the info on my ex's OW.I knew everything about her and her family.I didn't do anything with the info though but it helped to have it in case I did need it for the D.I had kids involved so I was being extra sure that they weren't in the middle of all that at the time.




Yes,these people are horrible.I don't know how they live with themselves.Caught up in the addcitive high it's hard to really see how they are hurting people and wrecking marriages and families.And it affects so many from all walks of life: Doctors like you are,nurses ( I'm an RN), Lawyers,CEO's, store owners,you name it.We have all been down this road.I knew another doctor on MB
(surgeon) who got D'd and just fairly recently his W started to contact him and wanted to go back to him and "realized" her mistakes. A bit late in my book but it just goes to show that the life these cheaters lead is not all it's cracked up to be long term (once the high of the A starts to dwindle).By then though,many BS's don't want the WS back.We have moved on and can hold our heads up high.

ddc,

If this e-mail is verbatim,it's very sad.All those typos and incoherent sentences.She's messed up and confused as they all are in most respects.

And what's sad is one day,she will wake up and see what's she's lost/thrown away and then that pain for her,will be really bad.Most A's don't last.And if they do,they aren't so great as in the beginning where everything is fresh and new in their minds.Reality sets in: work,kids,bills,money matters,laundry,fights,emotional let down,even abuse.She hasn't yet realized what a "winner" she has become involved with.

The email is verbatim