Right now, I am starting to go out with the girlfriends more. I feel like I need to get a break from my kids and just be with adults. This past week has been very weird. I have been "hit" on by four different men. A couple I have known for awhile and a couple were just total take me by surprises. I am divorcing at the moment and even my kids have been asking me when I am going to start dating. I really have been considering whether or not I am ready to start dating... Any thoughts?

Xetta,

Having gone thru the same process you are now, all I can say is wait until you don't have to ask yourself if you are ready. I felt as if I was supposed to be out dating after my divorce. Friends want to see you happy and so do your kids. They all mean well but you have to move forward on your own pace. Pushing as I did only seemed to lead to finding that I really wasn't over my EX yet and led to someone else feel hurt and slighted by me in the process.

Friends are who you should be with now. Reconnect with them and let yourself heal while learning to have fun on your own again. Once you feel confident in yourself and happy in your own life again you won't even have to ask yourself if it is time to start seeing someone new.

Hi Xetta,

Even though I risk sounding like a broken record here,I don't think you should be dating right now at all.IMO you need to focus on the D process,get that over with ,heal, nurture your other adult relationships and yourself too and spend time with your kids.There will be plenty of time to date again.

It's amazing how other men/women can sense vulnerability isn't it? I have heard this time after time.They sense when you are going through a tough time and are circling, waiting for their chance.

At least wait for the ink to dry on the D papers before going out.I think it's always a good idea to see just how good you are at being on your own and not depending on anyone.If you can do that for a while then the odds of you being A-OK after a breakup are good in my book.You have yourself to fall back on.You can rediscover YOU and I think that is fun.I've been doing that for some time now myself and it's been great!

I would think you want to go into another relationship healthy,healed and strong right? Don't be someones rebound or baggage or vice versa.

I have gone out with friends to get away from the kids for a bit and for some adult company. I need that break every once in awhile. I did meet someone who knows of my situation and he has now expressed interest in being elevated to "boyfriend" status. I can't go there right now. I know it and I am not ready for that. I am planning on moving back to my hometown with my kids in a couple of months and I do not see a future with this man. I still want to be able to get out every once in awhile, but I am not ready for a committed relationship. My life is too unsettled at this moment...

Don't think of dating as all or nothing. Take time to get through and heal from the divorce. However, enjoy being "hit on." Going out with groups of other adults is great. You need a safe enviroment to relearn how to be single and set boundaries. When you're able to flirt and be attracted to a guy without thinking about X, then you can consider dating. Don't let anyone rush you. Take your time and enjoy the attention.