Mr. W - I am going to take my response about the trip you referred to back to my main thread to keep all that together.

Anyone else have one last bit of input to my letter? I want to give it to her today (as well as give a copy to my lawyer).

Just a small amount of input....you've been getting great advice from everyone.

I took offense to her telling you to box up the children's clothes. I don't know why, it just irritated me on your behalf. You can leave those clothes in the drawers for the next 20 years, it isn't her place to tell you what to do in your home. And you don't have answer to her....she made her choices.....the boxing of clothes is pretty small compared to the destruction of a family. I'd just leave a response to that out. But I'm past the Plan A stuff....

And the teaching of good hygiene....so it's okay for Mom to destroy her family for someone else but goldarn it, everyone's teeth and ears should be clean! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I'm not saying it's a bad idea for them to know these things, just that she shouldn't be telling you to do so. Where do these waywards get this stuff?

Gosh, after rereading this, I think I'm a little cranky today...and less patient with wayward behavior. Maybe I better stay off other's threads today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I felt the same way at first and it obviously came out in the early drafts of my response.

Such nit picky things compared to the destruction she is causing.

OK, I am leaving to pick up the kids and will be delivering the letter.

Exactly!

I think she's trying to email him this stuff to have it to use in court- to try to show him as a bad parent.

True all around on the reason she is trying to nitpick about the ears, the clothes, everything. She's trying to build a case that "he can't even get them to brush their teeth, let alone take care of them full-time".

But his letter in response now shows the judge a very reasonable man, who comes from love and reasonableness - not a man who responds with anger and tit-for-tat ridiculous note writing. He just didn't take the bait she laid out for him - and the next step????

She will be REALLLYYY mad.

Because this just didn't work to get him mad. She really tried to "look reasonable" and correct him. Hoping that it would make him mad, get him to fire off an angry letter in return. Instead, she gets a nice, agreeable response, from a man who says basically that he is willing to meet her more than halfway, respect her wishes, help to parent the kids despite her nitpicky junk, and by the way, still keeps the hope for her to return to a "loving marriage".

HE SHOULD KEEP THIS LETTER TO GIVE TO THE JUDGE. Because....SHE won't!!!!

It won't serve HER purpose, will it?

Eph,
Remember in future writings to her, that you always come from love. If you write when you are angry, that anger WILL show through. You can't hide it (and if they bring the letter to someone like me, I can nearly always point it out to them!). And whatever you do, don't lie, or "nearly lie", or avoid telling something by "sort of telling something else". That also comes through. There is a sense we all have that something "stinks" - we can't put our finger on it, but it will be there. And judges/lawyers have a way of smelling these things!

Just come from love when you talk or write - and if you can't, just wait until you can.

I expect this is typical of waywards--they can't comprehend the magnitude of the damage their actions are doing to the psyche of their kids, so all they can focus on is the day-to-day stuff. My WW told my Mom she didn't think I could "take care of the kids" on my own, but I'm sure she's referring to stuff like making their lunches. That's the only mom she knows how to be right now--someone who makes sure they have six different tupperware containers with food in them for their lunch. As near as I can tell, she isn't nurturing them, hugging them, telling them that she loves them, having serious conversations with them, but they get a well-constructed lunch every day. I mean, that's what's most important, right?

Thanks again everyone for your advice and support. The letter was delivered - she glanced at it but I don't think she read it while I was picking up the kids.

She went in the house, and I had to go back to give her the van keys. She cracked the door open and I just dropped them in her hand and walked off.

Don't get me wrong - that letter pissed me off big time, but I saw it for what it was right from the start. Thankfully my support group here helped me tune out the anger and get back to coming from a place of love.

I will have both letters in my journal I am keeping for reference.

Did you ask her to sign it???? <snicker>

Mr. W