Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#1845976 03/18/07 07:46 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 31
F
funkman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 31
I have an odd problem . I am over attracted to my wife. I think she is so sexy , and so beautiful. i want to make love to her 24/7. This is causeing stress on our relationship. She is constantly annoyed that i want so much sex. i have been trying for sex everyday sometimes twice per day but we usually end up with 4-5 times per week. So i guess my question is am i normal to be like this and is it normal for her to not want to make love so much to a person she is supposedly in love with

funkman #1845977 03/19/07 09:18 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 40
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 40
You sound like my husband. I think it is normal. You have different libidos. You both need to understand each other's needs and compromise. From the woman's point of view, being constantly asked for sex when I don't feel like it is stressful. I don't like having to keep telling my husband no, and when he is frustrated with the lack of sex, he can be mean about it, or say that I don't love him as much as he loves me. So now I get some anxiety whenever sex is brought up, which is making it worse.

My husband feels like I don't love him as much as he loves me because I don't want sex as much as him. This is not true. I just don't have as high of a libido. There are other ways to express love besides sex. I would suspect that your wife does love you as much as you love her, she just doesn't need sex as much as you.

You should both fill out the emotional needs questionaire. That would illuminate to her how important sex is to you, and you can learn what her highest needs are and make sure you are meeting them. She will be more inclined to sex if all her needs are being met.

BTW, this is still a problem for us. I don't think you can really change a person's libido so I think expecting her to meet yours or you to meet hers is the answer.


Married since 6/14/05
Muffina #1845978 03/20/07 01:10 PM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,703
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,703
sex is high on my EN list but a couple of times a day every day would be too much for me. that's vacation sex to me...but, to keep that pace all the time does not sound like fun....it sounds tiresome.

and if you think she doesn't love you because of it, think about how she feels....being constatly pestered to have sex when her body is not ready.....she may need a break to ge tback in the mood.....how can she even enjoy sex w/ you if you don't let her come up for air.
so you really want to make her have sex when she isn't into it...just to satisfy YOUR need? that does not sound like love.

back off a little.

nia17 #1845979 03/22/07 01:08 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 31
F
funkman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 31
no but why do i always have to push my emotional needs because they arent being met, thats not the way i want to live, or is it fair when i always try to keep her needs in mind

Muffina #1845980 03/22/07 01:11 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 31
F
funkman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 31
Quote
You sound like my husband. I think it is normal. You have different libidos. You both need to understand each other's needs and compromise. From the woman's point of view, being constantly asked for sex when I don't feel like it is stressful. I don't like having to keep telling my husband no, and when he is frustrated with the lack of sex, he can be mean about it, or say that I don't love him as much as he loves me. So now I get some anxiety whenever sex is brought up, which is making it worse.

My husband feels like I don't love him as much as he loves me because I don't want sex as much as him. This is not true. I just don't have as high of a libido. There are other ways to express love besides sex. I would suspect that your wife does love you as much as you love her, she just doesn't need sex as much as you.

You should both fill out the emotional needs questionaire. That would illuminate to her how important sex is to you, and you can learn what her highest needs are and make sure you are meeting them. She will be more inclined to sex if all her needs are being met.

BTW, this is still a problem for us. I don't think you can really change a person's libido so I think expecting her to meet yours or you to meet hers is the answer.

how are you going about teying to fix your problem?

funkman #1845981 03/22/07 01:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 40
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 40
From my end of things, I realize that sex is his most important need so I give it to him on a regular basis, even if I don't really feel like it. I am also trying to open up more sexually, be more sexualized, like trying to think about sex more, doing kegels, incorporating a vibrator to make sex better for me. It hasn't really helped much yet, but hopefully with time I will enjoy SF more than I do now.

My husband on his end, recognizes (or at least tries to) that he is not entitled to sex whenever he wants it and has to respect my body, and pressuring me to have sex when I really don't want it will make me resent having sex with him, which really exacerbates the problem. This is hard for him as he has such a high libido and can't think when he's horny.

It really sets us back when he demands sex because it causes me to resent him and I want to have sex even less so he gets sex less, is more frustrated, and around we go.

SO, in conclusion, I try to give him SF often enough that he doesn't become frustrated and demand SF. He tries not to pressure me for sex so I can feel more open and comfortable.

The problem isn't fixed and I am not sure it ever will be because I will never want SF as much as he does.

BTW, we probably have SF 4-5 times a week on average. We don't have kids and are roughly the same age as your and your fiance. We spend ALL of our free time together and generally get along and have a loving relationship.

Hope this helps.

Muffina #1845982 03/22/07 09:20 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 31
F
funkman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 31
wow you guys sound exactly like us.. thats the same conversation we have had. im 31 shes 26 so i dont know if that has anything to do with libido diff? is comforting to see other people have similar problems, not that i wish it on anyone though

funkman #1845983 04/15/07 09:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 5
T
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
T
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 5
When my wife and I got together her libido was higher than mine. I had went so long without SF I had to put it out of my mind or I would go crazy cuz mine was high. A bit off subject but I would say try your best not to pressure her. I can't speak for all women but with mine I've learned the more I push the further away she gets even though she does love me.

We have been married six months and it has been ruff. I feel towards my wife the way you feel towards your fiance, I always want her. But since we've been in this challenge I get SF maybe once every month or two and even then she only does it to please me.

I guess all I'm saying is try to be patient. If she is feeling pressured by you, pushing harder may only serve to drive her further away. Good luck.

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 87
4
Member
Offline
Member
4
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 87
Okay..okay- I HAVE to say something here- I'm in the same boat- BUT I am the wife- and MY needs for SF are significantly greater than my Husbnd's..... Both of us were previously married, previously had "experience"-- me perhaps a bit more... but, still it is a very difficult subject to deal with. Wish I had some answers.


-not just 4myself anymore... for BOTH of us ...we survive together, or not at all....

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (PerPan), 273 guests, and 47 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
annonymous, Robert Robertson, Myramillan, rufaia1231, esenlee
71,889 Registered Users
Latest Posts
20 appointments and $1000’s later…
by IrishGreen - 10/30/24 07:20 PM
Happening again
by jah - 10/29/24 11:00 AM
I grounded my wife - am I proceeding correctly?
by Mature - 10/27/24 03:05 PM
How Do I Tell Him I Don’t Love the engagement ring
by BrainHurts - 10/22/24 10:30 AM
Children
by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 04:02 PM
Can I become attracted to anyone?
by phinnino1 - 10/11/24 08:57 AM
MBRadio show discussing electric fence pers.
by phinnino1 - 10/11/24 08:55 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,614
Posts2,323,458
Members71,889
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5