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#1845976 03/18/07 06:46 PM
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funkman Offline OP
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I have an odd problem . I am over attracted to my wife. I think she is so sexy , and so beautiful. i want to make love to her 24/7. This is causeing stress on our relationship. She is constantly annoyed that i want so much sex. i have been trying for sex everyday sometimes twice per day but we usually end up with 4-5 times per week. So i guess my question is am i normal to be like this and is it normal for her to not want to make love so much to a person she is supposedly in love with

funkman #1845977 03/19/07 08:18 AM
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You sound like my husband. I think it is normal. You have different libidos. You both need to understand each other's needs and compromise. From the woman's point of view, being constantly asked for sex when I don't feel like it is stressful. I don't like having to keep telling my husband no, and when he is frustrated with the lack of sex, he can be mean about it, or say that I don't love him as much as he loves me. So now I get some anxiety whenever sex is brought up, which is making it worse.

My husband feels like I don't love him as much as he loves me because I don't want sex as much as him. This is not true. I just don't have as high of a libido. There are other ways to express love besides sex. I would suspect that your wife does love you as much as you love her, she just doesn't need sex as much as you.

You should both fill out the emotional needs questionaire. That would illuminate to her how important sex is to you, and you can learn what her highest needs are and make sure you are meeting them. She will be more inclined to sex if all her needs are being met.

BTW, this is still a problem for us. I don't think you can really change a person's libido so I think expecting her to meet yours or you to meet hers is the answer.


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Muffina #1845978 03/20/07 12:10 PM
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sex is high on my EN list but a couple of times a day every day would be too much for me. that's vacation sex to me...but, to keep that pace all the time does not sound like fun....it sounds tiresome.

and if you think she doesn't love you because of it, think about how she feels....being constatly pestered to have sex when her body is not ready.....she may need a break to ge tback in the mood.....how can she even enjoy sex w/ you if you don't let her come up for air.
so you really want to make her have sex when she isn't into it...just to satisfy YOUR need? that does not sound like love.

back off a little.

nia17 #1845979 03/22/07 12:08 PM
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funkman Offline OP
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no but why do i always have to push my emotional needs because they arent being met, thats not the way i want to live, or is it fair when i always try to keep her needs in mind

Muffina #1845980 03/22/07 12:11 PM
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funkman Offline OP
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You sound like my husband. I think it is normal. You have different libidos. You both need to understand each other's needs and compromise. From the woman's point of view, being constantly asked for sex when I don't feel like it is stressful. I don't like having to keep telling my husband no, and when he is frustrated with the lack of sex, he can be mean about it, or say that I don't love him as much as he loves me. So now I get some anxiety whenever sex is brought up, which is making it worse.

My husband feels like I don't love him as much as he loves me because I don't want sex as much as him. This is not true. I just don't have as high of a libido. There are other ways to express love besides sex. I would suspect that your wife does love you as much as you love her, she just doesn't need sex as much as you.

You should both fill out the emotional needs questionaire. That would illuminate to her how important sex is to you, and you can learn what her highest needs are and make sure you are meeting them. She will be more inclined to sex if all her needs are being met.

BTW, this is still a problem for us. I don't think you can really change a person's libido so I think expecting her to meet yours or you to meet hers is the answer.

how are you going about teying to fix your problem?

funkman #1845981 03/22/07 12:59 PM
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From my end of things, I realize that sex is his most important need so I give it to him on a regular basis, even if I don't really feel like it. I am also trying to open up more sexually, be more sexualized, like trying to think about sex more, doing kegels, incorporating a vibrator to make sex better for me. It hasn't really helped much yet, but hopefully with time I will enjoy SF more than I do now.

My husband on his end, recognizes (or at least tries to) that he is not entitled to sex whenever he wants it and has to respect my body, and pressuring me to have sex when I really don't want it will make me resent having sex with him, which really exacerbates the problem. This is hard for him as he has such a high libido and can't think when he's horny.

It really sets us back when he demands sex because it causes me to resent him and I want to have sex even less so he gets sex less, is more frustrated, and around we go.

SO, in conclusion, I try to give him SF often enough that he doesn't become frustrated and demand SF. He tries not to pressure me for sex so I can feel more open and comfortable.

The problem isn't fixed and I am not sure it ever will be because I will never want SF as much as he does.

BTW, we probably have SF 4-5 times a week on average. We don't have kids and are roughly the same age as your and your fiance. We spend ALL of our free time together and generally get along and have a loving relationship.

Hope this helps.

Muffina #1845982 03/22/07 08:20 PM
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funkman Offline OP
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wow you guys sound exactly like us.. thats the same conversation we have had. im 31 shes 26 so i dont know if that has anything to do with libido diff? is comforting to see other people have similar problems, not that i wish it on anyone though

funkman #1845983 04/15/07 08:02 PM
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When my wife and I got together her libido was higher than mine. I had went so long without SF I had to put it out of my mind or I would go crazy cuz mine was high. A bit off subject but I would say try your best not to pressure her. I can't speak for all women but with mine I've learned the more I push the further away she gets even though she does love me.

We have been married six months and it has been ruff. I feel towards my wife the way you feel towards your fiance, I always want her. But since we've been in this challenge I get SF maybe once every month or two and even then she only does it to please me.

I guess all I'm saying is try to be patient. If she is feeling pressured by you, pushing harder may only serve to drive her further away. Good luck.

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Okay..okay- I HAVE to say something here- I'm in the same boat- BUT I am the wife- and MY needs for SF are significantly greater than my Husbnd's..... Both of us were previously married, previously had "experience"-- me perhaps a bit more... but, still it is a very difficult subject to deal with. Wish I had some answers.


-not just 4myself anymore... for BOTH of us ...we survive together, or not at all....

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