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I've been dating a fireman but I'm getting mixed signals. He calls or emails most days and we see each other about once a week. However, I almost always have to make the first move to kiss. I don't think I'm ready for sex, but I would like a hot make out session on the couch with maybe a little dirty talk thrown in. He seems content to sit there and let me be the aggressor. (He never backs off.)
He's a safe nice guy. However, I find myself wanting more and just don't see a long term relationship ever happening. I enjoy spending time with him and don't want to end that by saying LJBF. I don't want to lead him on and hurt him either.
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Maybe back off.
Don't make the first move.
Maybe its been easier on him because you do make the move.
Wait for him to do it.
How long have you been dating?
Is that the only issue? Or are there more that are leading you to think he's not a long-term possibility?
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How long have you been dating? We've been on about 5 real dates in the last 3 months. (Not counting just going over each other's houses.) Plus we usually watch LOST together on Wed and are both part of a group of friends that meet on Thursday nights. Is that the only issue? Or are there more that are leading you to think he's not a long-term possibility? PROS: redneck (would get along good with my family) buff (firemen have to work out) true gentleman (yes ma'am) knows how to fix things good kisser still close to his stepson although no legal obligation CONS: redneck (I can do without the racism) he likes his toys (autos, expensive bike, 4 wheeler) not the safest occupation youngest w/3 much older sisters (I have SIL issues) I like my independence. The Biggie: 3 divorces
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Uh, with three divorces, hmmm......uh, I think I would be hearing those words, "On your mark! Set!" (Then, the starter's pistol would fire.)
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In a way I think that makes him "safer." I keep finding excuses not to date another guy that I think I could fall for that's been flirting with me lately. Instead, I like casually dating the fireman. I guess I feel like I'm using him to get attention witout the emotional attachment and worry that I'll end up hurting a nice guy when I'm ready for something else. I'm already wanting something more physical.
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i work with a guy.....not a fireman but a cop....
nicest guy in the world.....
been divorced 3 times too.....
nice = boring!!!
in each case...women walked all over him....he was introverted in relationships and NEVER made the first moves so to speak....
MOVE AHEAD CAUTIOUSLY!!!!
"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?" (Chris Rock)
"Its better to die standing, than live a lifetime on your knees" (Pancho Villa)
"We just wanna be free to ride our machines and not get hassled by the Man!" (Easy Rider)
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I once knew someone who married a policeman. When she discovered that he was having an affair, she talked with the force's chaplain, he said that it was very common for police officers to have a trophy girlfriend on the side. Sad.
Sturgis, do you know the women walked all over him or is that just his side of the story? The truth is that no one ever tells the whole truth because the truth as known by one person contains different facts from the truth as known by someone else - each person brings their own history and perception to any situation.
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We've been on about 5 real dates in the last 3 months. (Not counting just going over each other's houses.) Plus we usually watch LOST together on Wed and are both part of a group of friends that meet on Thursday nights. So you have been together probably 15 - 20 times and he hasn't kissed you first or made any sexual advances? That seems odd - maybe he's only up for a LJBF relationship. Does he show other ways to be affectionate? Holding hands, putting his arm around you, open the car door, or little for no reason gifts?
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If you're not looking/ready for more, why not just enjoy this for what it is?
Have you talked about the 3 divorces? the reasons for them?
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If you're not looking/ready for more, why not just enjoy this for what it is? That's what I keep thinking. I'm just so out of practice with this dating stuff. Have you talked about the 3 divorces? the reasons for them? That's what I like. We enjoy time together and don't talk about X's. Most of what I've told him has been around a group of friends and not when we're alone. He has mentioned money issues with last X. Reading between the lines, she wanted the big house and status, he wanted his toys. He is also on call for work at all hours. One time I think she was mad because he missed his stepson's game for work and then went out with me afterward. He didn't answer her calls. I would have been so mad if I had been her. Basic conflict avoidance. Makes for a pleasant time dating, but brutal on a relationship.
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So you have been together probably 15 - 20 times and he hasn't kissed you first or made any sexual advances?
....Does he show other ways to be affectionate? Holding hands, putting his arm around you, open the car door, or little for no reason gifts? Always opens doors. He even remembered that I mentioned that DD liked to read and gave her a gift card for her birthday. He has kissed first kinda as a greeting and made a few sugestive comments, but it's like he gets embarrassed and backs off. If I kiss him first, he doesn't back off. maybe he's only up for a LJBF relationship Maybe
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"One time I think she was mad because he missed his stepson's game for work and then went out with me afterward. He didn't answer her calls. I would have been so mad if I had been her. Basic conflict avoidance. Makes for a pleasant time dating, but brutal on a relationship."
And this is not a RED FLAG for you?
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HUGE red flag. Like I said, I don't see a serious long term realtionship ever happening. Too many red flags. I just don't want to ruin a fun date by saying LJBF or hurt him by leading him on. Can I have my cake and play with it too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
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I guess what I don't understand is this; why would you want to waste your time with someone who you don't see as a candidate for a long term relationship? Unless you are not ready for one and this is just a practice run to get back into the dating scene?
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sturg, NICE DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL BORING!!!!!
you always say that and it is simply not true all the time. i am nice and i am not boring. gekko is a nice guy and he is not boring either... so cut it out.
of course, maybe he and i are BOTH boring and that is why we get along so well... hmm..never thought of that..
ok, i'll have to get back to you on this one.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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I guess what I don't understand is this; why would you want to waste your time with someone who you don't see as a candidate for a long term relationship? Unless you are not ready for one and this is just a practice run to get back into the dating scene? I like the idea of someday falling in love again. However, I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship. I could use some practice at relating with others.
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3 divorces is a red flag in my opinion,unless he has a good reason for them. But, 3??? I don't know.
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If a man doesn't make any physical attempt after you've made the first move (several times), then he's just not that into you. He probably enjoys your company, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. If you don't mind just being friends then stop making passes at him and just enjoy the friendship. If he wants you, then he will MAN UP and make a move.
Besides, if he's that lukewarm this early in the relationship, can you imagine how dull your sex life will be after the "thrill" has worn off?
Me 40
H 46
Married 20 years
2 DD
1 DS
No affairs, but no SF since 11/05.
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If it doesn't fit don't force it. If you are into men who do the pursuing then it's up to you to go out and find that type of man. What if this did turn out to be a LT relationship or even a marriage? In 5 years you will be extremely frustrated over always having to initiate SF or just going for long stretches of time w/o it.
Maybe he is a great guy in other aspects but i fhe is lacking in the passion area and it's important to you then you gotta cross him off your list of potential BF's.
The warning signs are always there it's just up to us to see them!
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Thanks. I agree, I think I just need to enjoy the friendship.
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