Hi all......

Soooooo......

about a month ago i get a phone call while im at work from X..shes really quiet and sounds very emotional on the phone and starts off by saying she has something to tell me and really wanted to say it in person, but cant put it off anymore.....(im thinking...cancer???...illness???)

Noooooooo......

shes PREGNANT!!!

i couldnt help myself......but i started to LAUGH!!! and said...."are you nuts???....youre 40 yrs old....what are you thinking?"

she literally broke down in tears and SOBBED......i was kinda speachless for a bit....

so we talked....and it seems the kids told her they hated her....wanted to live with me FULL time....hated her new husband (OP)...and so on....

she cried for what seemed like 10 mins....told me she "sorry" for everything.....for the affair, hurting me...so on and so on.....

at the end i asked her what she wanted from me.....she said.........

"I NEED A HUG"......(what up with this???)

i was alittle taken back by that.....i told her, "cant help ya there"....youre re-married now and have your own husband....she just sobbed....

the best part of all this.....

she told me it was PLANNED...

several people i talked to said this is "classic" regret and remorse...and that shes truely unhappy.....its like im the ONLY person she can be truely honest with....has to lie to everyone....

but now..........

i have kids over 80%

things are actually going great with both kids...17 yr old dd and 13 yr old ds...

things with GF are awesome and moving along nicely....

and the old "glass house" of X....has only began to crumble.....

it never fails to amaze me how people can ignore the devestating effects and long term problems of affairs, affair marriages and divorce on kids...

but...as always.....selfish is as selfish is.....all she was thinking about was herself......

more later!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Just one interesting observation:

Did you notice that it's still all about her?

Yeah, she said she was sorry, but it's more like, "I'm unhappy and now that I'm sad, I wish I hadn't done that cuz I had it better with you." It's still all about her pregnancy...her losing the kids...her being sad...her needing a hug.

I only point this out because for some WS's it seems like the sense of entitlement never does go away, and frankly, that is baffling to me.

Looking forward to hearing "more"!

~~CJ

Good point, CJ. I sometimes wonder about the MB Plan A and Plan B approach because of that. So the BS does plan A and makes the WS feel as good as possible. When that doesn't work, the BS does plan B, cutting off all contact, and thanks to Plan A, leaving the WS with a great impression of the BS. Then, hopefully, with affair exposed to the pressures of divorce and real life, the A-relationship begins to fall apart. Then, miserable with the OP and the "new" life, the WS returns to the BS. Hmm. Excluding those situations where the WS was a decent person until a truly horrific spouse wore him or her down (a rare instance), the whole thing still is about gratifyng the WS. I've always been uneasy with the idea of taking a spouse back because they are miserable, rather than because they choose while in a decent place, to come back and make the changes necessary to have a terrific marriage.

Now, why would someone want to do all of that hard work, Looking at their own issues when they can just go out and find another sucker to believe their lies?

"I need a hug"

Translation: my needs aren't being met, and would you consider being the OM, so that I can go back to having both of you meet my needs?

Good point!
I've often thought that for many of us, our "hug" needs are being met by our children, and we don't need to look outside to dates to meet this physical need.
I'd much rather have a great hug from my DD's whom I love than a ONS. It gives us time to consider what we really want in a relationship, rather than just jumping into a physical one.

congrats on getting the kids more often and for them seeing mom for what she really is and NOT liking om!! woo hoo!

kids just know eventually who the "loyal" parent was. sounds like things are going well and that is good. as far as the ex, let her live her miserable existence that SHE created. NOW she decides she is sorry? too little too late.

mlhb

Sturg...

Great to see you and thank you for the update!!

I feel sorrow for the child to be brought into an affair marriage.

And for CJ's bafflement...as long as humans choose to create and maintain resentment, lack respect, then entitlement persists...from choice.

Living in fantasy has deep misery...big congrats, Sturg, on your "can't help ya there" because YOU ROCK!

I do believe you have broken out of any enabling behavior for life. You're an inspiration to me. Thank you for being here (when you are)...

LOL

LA