This is really odd to me! I truely believe my wife has had or is having an affair. I have been reading the forums and just about everything on marriage builders. I really don't know how i can improve on what i have been doing in our relationship. We have been together for 21 yrs, this all started about 6 yrs ago even though i am not sure if anything was going on before this?I injured my back and shoulder at work, she was caring for the first month or so then it seemed like she just went downhill. Since i was injured my role as the bread winner has changed, i still make money but not as much, i do all the house work and take care of my two teenage children, and work as much as i can without hurting myself. I set up counseling by our pastor and it went well for a few meetings then she just up and said she wasn't going anymore? I thought that we were doing better but i guess i really don't know her toooo well? We have grown apart in the last two years where if we talk all she wants to talk about is her job and when she does sometimes she slips up and says things that really hurt. I feel really bad about not being able to work the regular job hours i used to but due to physical limitations i just can't. I really don't know if that would help at this point anyways. I am at the point where i don't know what to say to her anymore? I'm not giving up but just looking for some input from somebody that has maybe went through this before. If there is anyone out there with input your thoughts would be appreciated. Thank You.

she sounds resentful that you are not bringing in the money that you used to. tough one to get over. i understand and can see that you are doing what you can but i dont think she sees it as "enough".

are you meeting any of her ens? that might help. all i mean is - treat like your girlfriend... touch here, kiss there, date, flirt, card for no reason. work up to it slowly, she may come around.

good luck

lets see now, emotional needs, i am the one who always initiates a kiss, a hug, a love you, or just a touch. Take her flowers to work, cards, e-mails. I really enjoy doing these things from out of nowhere, but when i do theres usually NO thank yous, i usually put the flowers in water. I never said anything in the original posting but our sex live is about nill. Yes i have tryed different things and anymore i don't even ask for it because of the feeling i get when she just says NO. Thanks for your input though

GNR,

Please call the MB counseling center. They are good. They will help you get to the root of this ASAP.

I do not think pastor counselling helps in most adultery cases. Pastors don't seem to be able to look into real-world technical reasons for marital issues as well as they should. It's more the forgive, forget and feel good kind of advice than anything really useful for busting affairs.

And, I will be interested in what you are told by the Harley's with respect to meeting ENs when inured, or ill, or underemployed due to reasons beyond your control.

This is one of my issues with the missing-EN-caused-adultery theory. What do you do when you physically can't meet some EN? Just lay down and accept inevitable adultery? The way ENs are described, and the way FWS here say they felt justified because of some EN or other, adultery seems inevitable.

With prayers,

Welcome to MB

Are there some recent peculiar activities which caused you to seek out and post on a marriage infidelity forum???

I ask because I like to suspect a cheating spouse before I recommend really down and dirty snooping on them. What's the use of listening to bunch of nothing and taking the chance of getting caught if she's NOT having an affair.

She MAY have cheated on you quite awhile back also which is creating and continuing a roadblock to intimacy. Spying/snooping techniques rarely divulge such UNLESS you happen to be snooping directly AFTER confronting her with some serious questions regarding past activities (as she may blabber away in her car on a cell phone with her girlfriend that knows the whole story). It's nice to get the truth about your life and I wouldn't anticipate your wife to be the source of that truth (waywards rarely come clean until confronted with irrefutable evidence).

Anyway...we don't know if you wife is been or being unfaithful or if your marriage just sucks right now until we get more details (sucks is better...it can be rebuilt either way).

Mr. Wondering