I found out a couple of months ago that my husband of 13 years had an affair with a very good friend of mine (ex-friend now). I was devistated enough by this as it was, but the added betrayel of her doing that to me threw me over the edge. I never had closure with her. I wish I could tell her exactly what I think, but that would be contact and I don't want to take any chances of her trying to speak to my husband ever again. How do I get through this?

My husband and I have always loved each other and have been working through and believe it or not our relationship is better now than it ever was. We're communicating again and we are meeting each others emotional and physical needs. I still get very sad from time to time trying to get the visions of what happened out of my head. Through conversations with my husband I found out that she pretty much wanted my life. She wanted to leave her husband and have mine. She even begged my husband to run off with her (that would never happen) and was hoping I would have sex with her husband. Yuck! I'm not that type of person. She just wanted her guilt relieved. Did I mention she's an alcoholic. Once they were both caught, she immediately went into rehab, I'm guessing not to face the reality of what was done. All I ever got out of her was "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you". Gee thanks.

A month ago (one week after she got out of rehab) she called my husband and he immediately told her to never call him again and hung up. He then immediately called me and told me. I then called her husband. (Our families used to hang out together every weekend) I was proud of my husband for sticking to the plan. I must admit I wanted to go knock her out.

How can I move forward without feeling the closure of telling her exactly what I think of her? I can't get the ugly picture of her out of my head. HELP!

I've heard of people writing letters to the OW and then either burying them or burning them. It allows you to vent a lot of your frustration. Telling her how you feel, especially since this was all so recent, will do no good. She probably won't listen. Someday, she may regret her actions, but I wouldn't count on much remorse at this point.

I'm so sorry to hear you were doubly betrayed, that is pretty hard to take.

My biggest fear is running in to her. We belong to a community that has a private beach. She doesn't live in the community, but she does live 5 minutes away. She used to have a friend that lived in our community who would go to the beach and invite her as a guest, that is how we met her and her family. So my fear is she will come to the beach with her kids this summer, because she enjoys it so much. We go there all of the time. My husband assured me that he would tell her to leave if that happens. I just don't want the pain to come back.

I'm going through a similiar situation like yours. I feel I was doubly betrayed. A therapist friend of mine suggested an empty chair session. Pretend your ex-friend is sitting in the chair in front of you and let it all out. Tell her exactly how you feel, why you feel that way, everything. It may make you feel better, it may not. Good luck. This stuff really sucks!!!

Actually, I think getting it all out on this forum helps alot. That skank would come over every weekend with her kids, and I was usually the one that watched them, fed them, etc., while she laid down on my couch downstairs in the family room. I knew she was getting to be more and more of a drunk, but I didn't see the signs as to why. Of course now I know. Then she would call my husband at all hours of the night and they would secretly meet, or he would just go over in the morning after everyone left for work. Don't get me wrong, I blame my husband just as much, but we were starting to get emotionally and physically unattached and she knew all of my feelings because she was supposedly my friend. What better way to use all of this information and go after my husband's emotional needs. Then one night she stayed the night at our place because I wouldn't allow her to drive home because she was to plastered, I woke up to my daughter yelling Mommy, Mommy, Daddy and Robin have their pants down. Of course I just blew that off, my daughter has a way of blowing things out of proportion. I tell you what, I will definitely listen to my daughter now. I will now keep my guard up forever.

It sucks you had to go through that. If getting it out here helps then get it all out.

Well, hopefully she will get a message through a mutual friend we have. The friend that used to live in my neighborhood had called me (she moved to W. VA) and wanted to know how things were going. I figured she was snooping for Robin because she was her friend first. Anyway, I went on and on about how great things were going, I didn't like the way it happened, but our relationship is better than ever. How I've dropped 18 lbs, down to a size 4 and how I just look and feel so much better. She had asked me if I heard from Robin and I proceeded to tell her all my feelings of hate toward Robin and that I hope she rots in H_ll. Anyway, I know that will all get back to her. So that helped too! She informed me that Robin and her husband were splitting up. Awwwwwww She wasn't happy with him for a very long time. So, I guess in a way, I did let her know how I felt through this mutual friend.