My husband seems to have the opther woman completely out of his head, but she is contastaly in mine, ever day 4 months after the affiar....when does this get better?

Hey marinewife I just wanted to tell you I am not sure it will ever be out of your head for good. I am the WS and my husband after 7 months is still obsessing over the OM. So I guess I am not the right person to give out advice. But the OM is out of my head but not out of H head.

A while. I still think about her daily, but not like 12 hours straight anymore. She kinda flashes in and out of my mind. It's not really a thought, more like a picture of her and then it's gone.

It will get better, hang in there.

Is your husband helping you? Is he remorseful, transparent, answering all your questions? Is he helping you heal in this way?

When I want to quit obsessing about something, I use a stop sign in my head. I won't allow myself to think about it. I train myself not to think about it.

It's a form of "pattern interupt".

He answeres all of my questions and is extrememly remorseful, i truley believe he is sorry but she is driving ME crazy!

You aren't that far since d-day. You can't expect it to just vanish from you your mind. D-day for me was 21 or so months ago.

You are in a much different place in the time line of recovery than your FWH. He knew about it, had time to adjust to it, etc. You did not.

My husband says he never thinks of her or the A unless I bring it up. I think that is true.

I can tell you this- until Sunday, I had honestly thought about her or the A every day. Sometimes briefly, sometimes obsessively.

Sunday I did not. Odd, huh? That I would know that?

In fact I realized it on Monday. I sent him an email and told him. I told him that I no longer think of him as a FWS, but as my DH. I no longer dwell on me being the bs, just as a happy wife.

Maybe it has something to do with Spring and newness or something, but when I logged on here yesterday afternoon, Mimi had a thread about something very similar.

You can't hurry recovery. Time really does make a big difference.

Like Weaver asked, is he doing all he can to help you recover?

Something that helped me was writing letters to the ow- letters that I did not send but that allowed me the opportunity to let loose all the venom that was building.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through the same thing. It seems that the other woman was out of my husbands head the moment they got caught. I believe she went through the depression stage. He didn't want anything to do with her and would tell me if she tried to contact him, so I could call her husband. We all used to be very good friends until now. So I'm definitely obsessed because she was my best friend. I can't get through a day without thinking bad thoughts of what I would like to do to her.

After a couple of years. You are just beginning recovery so it will take some time. Hang in there!

We became friends after they started the affair, im not sure why they thought it would be a good idea, but before the affair was brought to light we all started hanging out..uggg!!! she called myhusband and asked him not to tell me that she called so i wouldnt tell ehr husband, well obviously he did i havent called ehr husband but i am wondering if i should, i did call her and told her not to ask any favors of my husband that he owed her nothing and she started screaming in the phone like a crazy person!

MW98 -

She's cheap, tacky lineolium, sugar....beneath your feet and your notice.

Tell her dh...he deserves to know.

- Kimmy

You need to tell her H the truth.

oh her husband knows already we all know about the affair, but now she has threatened a sexualy harrassment suit against my huisband if i call of inform her husband of anything going on, so i am a littel leary b/c if she does this it will be devastating to my husbands career, hers as well though b/c she is also a marine and i have pfoof of an affiar not of sexual harrassment.

Do you have phone (cell) records of her calls to him? Kind of hard to claim harrassment if SHE'S the one calling.

This is classic OW tactic. She's puffing up like a pufferfish in the hopes that it'll scare you away and make you back down. If you have proof of adultry, SHE'S in just as much trouble as he would be. Guess what...she knows this. She may also suspect you wouldn't do anything so as to not harm your wh's career...But yannow? YOU didn't do anything to harm his career...SHE and HE did. Your slate is clean.

She's gotta know that you won't back down, and you won't be emotionally extorted by her (that's what she's doing right now). YOU hold the cards, but she's the one bluffing.

Do you see that?

Tell her husband...lay out COPIES of your proof to him...then tell him about her claiming the sexual harassment...see how well that little tidbit will float with him....cos I'm willing to bet the farm and my last dollar it'll go over like a lead balloon.

- Kimmy

I would get you and your Husband a voice activated recorder. Any conversation with OW needs to be taped. So it can be proven later what was said.

Who is senior in the military your husband or OW?

He may have to go to his command and if there are other members that can facilitate OW needs, the command must simply tell her. You deal with member x from now on.

You know the best things to do is get it out in front of the command before something comes out, if you guys get it out, maybe simply telling the SGMGR or X0 then they will know you guys have nothing to hide.