I haven't posted here in a long while, but there are some things I need to clear up. I told some whoppers while I was all messed up this summer, some fueled by paranioa and others by fear.
I was diagnosed with biploar disorder this summer, and that on top of the affair did not make for a lot of emotional stability. So here's the real story

I didn't tell my H about the affair until the end of July. I have made several contact errors since then, such as a letter to the OM and a myspaace beth account. That was in the fall. I told my H about this forum, and he was very hurt by what I said.

My H is not gay, has never been gay, and has never done anything to suggest that he was gay. He has never cheated on me, and he does not look at porn. he is a wonderful, forgiveing, and patiant man whom I have hurt terribly. He was the victim in all of this. I chose the affair, and I hid it for far too long. I want the lying and secrets to stop. That is why I am posting. If you have any questions, please feel free to respond. I am so sorry for this.

lurioosi

Are you taking meds to manage your Bipolar Disorder? Do you fully realize that you will NEVER be able to stop taking the meds for the rest of your life? You MUST fully grasp how mandatory and important this is...If your answer is anything but a 100% yes, with no ifs, ands or buts then I would strongly advise your husband to run hard and fast, as the behavior will repeat over and over and increase in severity with age if you don't continue on meds from now on...My father has Bipolar Disorder...It is nothing to be ashamed of, most times the people affected by this are brilliant...The only flaw is that many do not understand that the meds are HUGELY significant...FOREVER...

Well Wishes,

Mrs. W

Hi. My wife is taking meds and is, overall, much better. She's only had a few manic episodes in her life...and they are many years apart. So, her prognosis is good. So far, she's not been tempted to give up the meds.

We are doing our best to work through everything. The lies that have built up over the years are now starting to come out in the open. We're aiming for honesty and good communication. I'm trying to change things about myself that have been a problem for her. She is very, very sorry and feels a lot of guilt over what she's done.

So, yes, she messed up royally. She was still manic when she was posting on this site back in July of 2006. She was paranoid and her mind was racing. But, she was also consumed with guilt. So, she made some very bad choices. She was looking for ways to blame me for her affair. I've not ever had an affair. I don't have the time or the energy. The 12 years of living with a bipolar wife and not knowing what was wrong took a lot out of me. I definitely didn't always meet her needs. I was hurt and angry. She raged at me for years. When I tried to help, it made her angry. When I gave up and stopped helping, it made her angry. She always demanded that I change, but she refused to see what she was doing. That's all part of the bipolar beast.

Like I said, we're now both working on the marriage. We're trying to put the pieces back together. There are ups and downs. I'm just now finding out about a lot of the things she was accusing me of to others. So, that opened up more hurt. I'm seeing a counselor to work through my hurt and my anger. She needs support and help to work through her guilt and pain.

So, I thank my wife publicly for taking time to correct the things she said last year. She's trying so hard, and I appreciate that so very much.