1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.

Is that really what you think of us?

Yep.......it was about more than a discount coupon!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Dude...You are so clueless.

Post these '50' rules in your personal profile on whatever dating site you are using and good luck to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Some people can't take a joke, especially if it's knocking them. I've seen so many complaints about men (in a kidding manner) yet we aren't so defensive.

Love the genie bit LOL

Darrin

Auto, that’s funny but you left out the other half –the "women’s rules for men" came right after on that webpage where you found your men’s rules:

A Woman's 50 Rules for Men

1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "******" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Dishsoap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
42. Think boxers.
43. Silk boxers.
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don't let your friends pick on her.
48. Call.
49. Don't lie.
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your [censored] smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

------------------------

Pieta's rules:

1. Playing with your armpit was a cool trick when you where nine. Stop it!
2. Cutting a hole in a box of popcorn for your penis to surprise your wife when she reaches for the popcorn is not funny.
3. A barbeque grill cannot be placed six inches away from house without melting the vinyl siding.
4. Canoeing in New England before April 15th without a wetsuit is stupid.
5. And that section of the river is named [censored] Rapids for a good reason.
6. Farting is rude.
7. Farting in bed is disgusting.
8. If you ever fart in bed and pull the covers over my head and hold them down again, the only thing you will ever put your penis in around here WILL be a popcorn box.
9. No. I will not lick off the salt.
10. And you can butter your own popcorn.

Peita: LMAF!!! I'll never look at popcorn the same again!

Uh, well, I did post the 50 rules for men.

Given some of the responses above, I can see that I will have to stress that any woman who wants to date me should have a SENSE OF HUMOUR. And, be able to read a little further down the list of messages. Sheesh!

Pieta, I already posted those 50 rules. Why did you repeat them?

I followed most of the rules for women. Maybe I was just too easy to be interesting.

Sorry, I realized you had posted both lists a second after I posted. I was gonna fix it but got busy at work. I think they are both hysterical--I found them myself several months ago. A sense of humor is important to me too. My husband is sooooooo funny!

I once heard or read that people who make jokes all the time developed a humorous style to compensate for their personality flaws. I don't care. I'd rather have the humor in my life than anything else!

Oh RATS! I must be DEEPLY flawed then...hmmmmm.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Personally, I found this hilarious, auto... I'm also rather gratified to know that in my house, *I* am the one who initiates sports on Sunday, car shows on Saturday, and Monty Python jokes during the week.

I still can't quite figure out that toilet seat though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Heehee ROFL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

~~CJ

Whenever I read something like this, it (almost) never touch my 'sense of humor'...

It rather makes me sad.

Because:
- I don't mind if the toilet seat is up or down (the same amount of 'work' for each of us, me putting it down and him putting it up)
- I love my longer hair and wouldn't change it easily
- I make men 'guess' as much as they make me
- "If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear." I could say the same to a man too, I see no difference
- "Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it." As he should do, when I don't, for I don't always
- " He's never thinking about "The Relationship."" - That wouldn't be 'my man', so no sorry for letting him go
- I don't like shopping, and when I have to, I finish everything in 5-10 minutes, and it's not 'spending good time' for me, rather 'ah one more thing I have to do'
- "Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it." I rarely cry, and it's when alone... (Never liked women getting something by crying... eventhough they eventually got it...)
- "Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work." And I do; doesn't work either <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
- I keep forgeting aniversary/birthdays dates! (OK, my X's birthday is just one day after our son's birthday, I guess that'd be only man's birthday I will remember forever <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
ooo and a friend of mine has birthday two days after mine! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
- "A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor." From my experience, I had much less headache than my men <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />
- Check mu oil? I'm a perfect sample of a woman-driver, changing oil after alarm signal on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
And it works - when, at the gas station, I ask a guy "could you please check my oil/water, you know, I'm just a woman <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> ", I never pay for the service <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ETC.
For each.
Because all of that I think of women AND men (don't you know how many men are like women?? (in many of those things, that is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

Why this make me sad?
If women are like that, what am I?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Auto, I know you meant this to be funny, and obviously some found it that way. However, humor often has an element of truth. The overall picture I got after I read your 50 rules for women was of that the ideal woman (meant in the platonic sense, not the perfect sense) is self-absorbed, petty, insecure, nit-picking and manipulative. I did read your 50 rules for men before I posted. While these rules were for men, most of them were still directed at women.

For example:
6. The correct answer to, “Do I look fat?” is never, ever yes.

7.Ditto for, “Is she prettier then me.”

14.None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

15.Her cooking is excellent - so tell her.

22.Two words - clean socks.

24.Burping is not sexy.

25.You’re wrong!

26.You’re sorry!

33.No means no. Yes means yes. Silence could mean anything. She feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

37.Pick her up at the airport - don’t whine - just do it.

41.Always suck up to her brother.

44.Remeber Valentine’s Day and any, “cheesy” anniversary sheso-names.

46.Her haircut is never bad.

50.Alright so the rules are never fair. If all you guys out there just followed these simple rules - then maybe we could all just get along.

I don't get what the big deal is. Personally, I thought it was cute. It's a joke based on generalizations. I hope we're all adult enough to realize that generalizations rarely mimick reality. I've seen worse on this site.

I wonder if this is more about picking apart and trying to analyze auto. It does sound like he has some issues (don't we all), but I think some of you are reading too much into this. It's a joke for crying out loud.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.


These are my favs. I think they should be constitutional amendments.

Here is another one, it is better to wear comfortable shoes than to wear fashionable ones and be grouchy.

Yikes - wrong thread......princess tries to slink away gracefully and with dignity.