Child support is no joke. I did my divorce myself. We sat down and agreed on everything, even the custody. We had nothing so splitting it was easy.

Here is what I used to calculate the payments. It uses excel and works very well.

http://www.courts.state.co.us/chs/court/forms/domestic/electronicworksheets.htm

IHC
If he doesn't pay the support, what you do, go to the government agency that handles child support, and have his wages garnished. In the laws eyes, child support takes priority over everything else. Once you get the gvt garnishing and he moves, they move with him.

Never,

WH's answer to SAHM...I guess now you will have to get a job!

IHC.. if your H gets spiteful and quits his job he will be in for a very rude awakening. He can be held in contempt of court and still forced to pay the amount specified.
Child suport is a nationwide sysytem also. So long as you have the court order.. he can move anywhere in the country and his wages will be attached. Make sure that the money is being pulled directly from his paycheck so that you do not have to rely on him to get you the money on time. You can just count on it being there.
Catgirl.. as much as I detest OW and OM... I do not think that their income should be factored into any payment for children that are not theirs. It sucks... but really it is a stretch to make them responsible on any level for other children. I will say in all honesty though that I believe that a WS should walk out of the house with nothing more than their clothes and supervised visitation with the children. IMHO, every marital asset should be given to the BS and the WS should suffer the consequences of their decisions.

Well, today is a much better day oon the CS front.

However it is at the cost of having a conversation with him.

I do feel that it was mainly a onversation that had to take place directly due to the information being discussed.

So here is a summary of the conversation (which IRL lasted 27 minutes...I know too long)

WH asks if I saw the sourt order and if I think it is fair.

I say yes.

WH tries to get me to agree to a lower amount because he doesn't make that much money...balh blah blah. In summary I told him that I do not feel sorry for him that he made all the decisions that led to this. So, no I will not reduce the amount that the state of California has deemed acceptable.

He t5ried at one point to talk relationship talk...You are trying to make it sound like I just decided overnight to do this. How long do you think it took me.

I say, about a year

WH laughs and starts to say how misrable the whole....

I interupt him and say I don't want to talk about our relationship...that it is like beating a dead horse...

Hurrah...subject changed.

I then inform WH of my decision to NOT allow kids to spend the night at new apt with OW and her D6. I explain my reasoning and he says he understands, but doesn't think he agrees..."I can't live 2 lives"

I say "yes, you can..because it is what is in the best interests of our children. I live 2 lives, I do not let them know how angry I am with youa and all the turmoil this has caused...so you can do it too because it is for the benefit of our children.

WH was really trying the whole conversation to make me feel sorry for him, because he is going to be broke.

I don't and I won't! You made this bed, lie in it...


The only ray of hope given in this conversation was when WH said this:
My whole life I have doing what is right according to everyone around me...and I 'm just tired, I'm worn out and I just want to start over.

LOL...LOL...LOL

I told Wh that is impossible becaus eevery decision, action or choice me make from the day we are born makes up who we are today...so you can't just one day say, "Poof I'm starting over." Nobody can do that...it's not reality.

I was also able to let WH know that I filed my taxes and had already claimed the kids. He is now saying he is going to file and claim the kids and just let it all be audited.


SOOOOOO...SCORE ONE FOR THE BS TEAM!!!!!!!!!

IHC <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I forgot to add that WH asked at the end of the conversation if this meant we could communicate again, because sometimes I can't say to our int.'s the things I want to say to you. I don't want to "burden them" with some things.

I told him NO. Our int. have committed to being there to do that exact thing for us. They have agreed to do it and it is not a burden. I told him I have no desire to talk with him.

I might have to admit a couple of LB's too...I did say at one point the following 2 things..."you are not her sugar daddy" and "I love you to pieces, but you made your bed, and now you have to lie in it."

Those aren't too bad in the grand scheme of things, but I do think they were funny, especially in hind sight!

So, it's back to the dark safe place...


IHC

Do you know that you made many MAJOR MISTAKES TODAY?

PLAN B is not to go in and out of FOR ANY REASON.

Way too much conversation with him...

I did it too..more than once...

BUT EACH TIME IT SET ME WAY BACK...

Because he knows that you still care..

He got a fix that ENABLED his A..

In DARK PLAN B..he HAS to guess...

TRY NOT TO BREAK PLAN B UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES...

I know that I blew it, but I also knew that some of it needed to be said...That is why I admitted it to you all here.

But I also know now that there is NO reason at all now for him to have to talk to me at all.

Having been reassured that he is not going to be a dead beat dad was worth it to me. Now, I can keep in the dark until he comes to his senses.

I don't feel it was a set back for me...but I know it restarts my plan B clock with him...and for that I am sorry that it happened.

My biggest regret is that I did not cut off the conversation sooner. Some of it was legitimate but a lot of it was redundant and did not need to be said.

On the positive side...This is the first time it has happened since I went dark Dec 26th. But now the clock is reset. In all reality it would have been best to not be in plan b until the financial issues were secured. But, I really needed to go to plan b so I could have some sanity!

Don't hit me too hard with the 2X4's...it is my first real contact with him...ok no more justifying!!!!


SORRY!!!!!!

((((IHC))))

Just wanted to remind you how IMPORTANT it is not to break it...

I'm with Mimi on this one too. I broke my plan to speak to WH about our DS's issues, and today decided that I will no longer be involving him in the work to get DS help. If he wants to help, he can contact me via email, and we can settle finances.

I've had an awakening that took me about two weeks post WH leaving to have. I've found my placemark that I left in the Plan B book, and I've picked up where I left off, but now I am even more tenacious, and far less afraid of whether WH is coming or going or what. I don't care about WH. If H shows up someday, and my life hasn't changed to the point of no return, AND the wayward is long gone, AND H has gotten help, etc and so on. It's really a big fence for him to attempt to scale, and I know that he is not strong enough now, and he might not ever be. I'm really not concerning myself with HIS inner struggles right now. It's a foolish pursuit and a waste of time.

I'm back to thinking about what I want to do with the house, and I LIKE IT! I'm excited about the spring and summer.

IHC,

Broke to deal business with the WS and she didn't go backwards. She went forwards and that is good.

One thing about plan B is that you can use it as you need to. No crime to break it to do business. It is how it affects the BS that counts.

U did ok, IMHO.

take care,
L.

Thank you all fo r your input...Here is the nasty reply i received this morning...who are those MBers that analyze letters?...



What do you think...apparently I didn't do as well yesterday as I thought. My intention was to stand up for my kids, not to incur the wrath of a WS!

silent,

You sound amazing...I am glad you are feeling so great. I am too and I love it!!!!

Today's reply from WH sucked, but I did what I thought was best and I am glad to have all that off my chest. I feel like I can really move forward now. I have no desire to break Plan B again and am looking forward to spring and summer as well...it seems full of promise!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
IHC

HA! You DID stand up for your kids yesterday!!! The fact that HE isn't willing to do the same--and you are not going along with him--is what incurred his wrath!

You didn't just cave in to his selfishness. How dare you.

WHATEVER. He's just venting and trying to make you the bad guy. Nothing new, right?

I'm no schoolbus, so I won't even try to analyze. But it seems just a teeny bit defensive...and it would be great for a chuckle if it weren't so sad...

As you know, IGNORE AND STAY DARK. It's clearly not worth a reply.

The fact that you got a reply at all....hmmmm...wonder what the pros have to say about that?

You sound good, IHC! Good for you!

Did you include in your LSA or whatever that the children are NOT to spend the night anyplace but with your WH when they're with him, and that there should be no other overnight adult visitors? I'm not saying this exactly right, but I know that many others here have gotten those kinds of clauses included...and it sounds to me like you need to have an agreement with teeth to deal with your WH.
Is there anything you lawyer can do for you here?

Thoughts?

IHC,
It doesn't sound like your WH is talking much about the KIDS' best interest here, he is still talking about himself. He is only interested in how this impacts HIM. It's all BLAH BLAH BLAH. I don't see one line in his response that references the CHILDREN, outside of how this affects HIS TIME with them.

Reread it again, in almost EVERY sentence, he says *I*. Over and over. All I hear (and see in my mind) is a beligerent child, stomping their feet, saying you can't tell me what to do! Actually, if you picture WH like this, about 4 feet tall, red-faced, fists pumping and feet thumping, it might give you a laugh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

About the Plan B thing, you're doing great. I don't know ONE person who has not broken Plan B, and subsequently went dark again. Some things are so important to US, that we feel the need to engage the enemy; such is OUR life. I think if you only discuss the children, and then hang up, move on, etc., you're doing well.

Now, I would hold off on any replies and wait for advice on that one. It just sounds like the rantings of a child to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I will speak for MYSELF...

Yes, I broke PLAN B...

BUT EACH TIME I DID, ONLY PROLONGED MY H'S AFFAIR...

IHC, MAKE EVERY EFFORT THAT YOU WILL NOT BREAK PLAN B UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES...

The goal is to RECOVER your marriage and to PROTECT you from the CRAZINESS of the WS..so that your LOVE BANK will remain intact.

He used the CONTACT yesterday to search for JUSTIFICATION for CONTINUATION his AFFAIR....

FOR RELIEF OF PAIN...

The goal is for the WS to SUFFER.. TO REACH HIS BOTTOM...

IGNORE WHAT HE SAYS...ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS FOR THE WS!!!

I agree, I know that contact is bad for ending the affair.

A couple of my friends who have read the e-mail posted above say with great confidence that he did not write that e-mail. He knew of it becaus ethe info in it was info contained in our conversation...however it is not his style of speaking and writing. Just with the bold, underlining, caps, and phrasing.

I thought that when I read it and so did 3 other people. That makes me laugh....

I do not intend on replying to his e-mail...none is required. I clearly stated my position and will not back down.

I don't have legal grounds, but he would have to take me back to get our LSA mediation agreement changed. Our wording is vague...mutually agreed upon visitation...well I do not agree!!!!!

How do I get schoolbus over here for some in depth analysis?

I don't think we are supporting you in PLAN B if we analyze his E-MAIL...

NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT...

I don't think you should read his words...

Yes, I made my PLAN B mistakes..

But, I deleted his E-MAILS, blocked and/or deleted his calls...

HE IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO CONTACT YOU IF HE IS ENDING HIS AFFAIR...

Otherwise, he is disrespecting you and calling your PLAN B a sham...

It downplays the significance of PLAN B if he can get to you...

IT IS NOT DARK...

DARK MEANS DARK, learning from MORTARMAN...

BLACK AS THE NIGHT....

IHC, the other thing that breaking plan B did is subject you to the poisonous email from WH. You know it's FogTalk, but you still read it, and it still triggers you, and it still hurts. Please protect yourself from it. I'm sure you know this already.

Regarding the LSA, IHC is also in California, and everything I hear is that the courts here won't interfere in personal lives unless there's a clear danger to the children. I.e., the court is unlikely to issue an order prohibiting overnight visits. If you can work it into your own agreement, that's different. You could offer back some of the child support, I guess, in exchange for that kind of agreement if you feel strongly enough.