I realize that at some point it will be out of my control..but until then...

I do agree that it is only making things worse with WH. Making him more detrmined to do it as you suggested it probably would with your WW.

You would think that having some documented proof of the harm this causes to children would be enough to knock a little sense into them...but who knows how to penetrate the deep dark recesses of his mind...

WH just called again and said he would be here at 5 and his kids better be here. Int. informed him they would not be, but he is determined. She said he sounded angry this time (he always does after OW riles him up about me). She has got him right where she wants him.

This is not the result that I wanted, but I just don't want to back down on this issue. I have not said he could not visit his kids, just that they can't stay with OW and him.

In fact, now I have to find a sitter just so I don't have to break the plans I had for tonight.

I do not like drama!!! Except for those involving sippy cups!

AmI,



Cs was about half what it should have been over the last 3 months. But the order did come through and he owes me a lot now. He is not a happy camper...I still do not know for sure that it didn't turn into divorce proceedings because of his response...I don't have the signed orders from the judge yet. But at this point, part of me would be relieved if it had happened. I know that sounds horrible, but it is just an honest statement. I still think it was just LS due to the fact that I was given temp. control of our property. If it was a D, they would have made more long term requirements on that issue or made us dissolve the property. At least it seems like they would do that.



This is exactly how I feel. H would never do this to his kids. WH is thinking with a different part of his body. And gets very riled up when he relays info to OW...she really gets him going...he gets hateful with me.

Funny thing...H never used to let his temper get away from him...WH has a short fuse...


I am still doing my nails and every once in a while having a pedicure. I have gone to luch with girlfriends a couple of times. Got my hair done in a new style, which I love and makes me feel younger! I've been watching my fave tv shows and reading at night when all the kids are down and out. I have been actually feeling very good. I am considering weaning myself from the AD's, but am not sure I am quite there yet, but I think I am close.

I haven't been to the recovery board in a long while...how are you?

So, after all my WH ranting about wanting the kids on friday night, he didn't get them...even though he tried. He did pick them up at 8 Sat moring...and promptly dropped them off at his mom's while he went to work. He then tried to bring them home to me at 6:30...I wasn't home and he had to bring to the church where I was. He had indicated in an e-mail that he would keep them until 7pm.

He was quite angry.

Another interesting twist..I believe that OW tried to call me 2 times. Her name came up on my caller id on Fri. once at 6:22pm and then again at 11:45pm. No message was left. How lame is that? I think she was trying to give me a piece of her mind...DON'T NEED IT...I have one that works just fine!

Anyway, we'll see what else comes from my stand against adultery parading around in my kids' face,...

IHC

Dear IHC:

We are pleased to inform you that your husbands statement above has qualified him for the "Wayward moron of the year award". We will let you know further details when they become available. Please thank him for his contribution.

Sincerely,

Lemonman, MD
2007 Self Appointed Chairman of the MB Wayward Moron of the year award

IHC, you sound pretty strong there, lady! I am having the same dilemna with my son right now. I wrote my WH an email regarding DS's care and mentioned to him to STOP believing that this situation has not impact on our DS. I was VERY angry, to say the least. You can cut me down, harm me, but as soon as you turn that on our son, watch out!

I'm sure that WH is still going to live with OW, so I must continue to draw a line in the sand for our kid. Someone has to be his advocate. I told WH that he may be as angry as he would like to with me, but to do NO FURTHER HARM to our son. I won't have it.

My WH responded, initially, just as yours has, believing my motivation was directed TOWARD him. After all, it is really ALL about him. I have told him that anything having to do with the care of our son does not have anything to do with WH. What a pompous a$$! Can you tell that this subject pi$$es me off!

It's amazing how well we can handle poor treatment of ourselves...but DO NOT MESS with our kids!!!!!

My WH will gladly accept his award...oh wait, that's me who will gladly accept it in his honor...thank you speech and all...

All I can say about the taxes thing is DER DEE DER...

Man, I love you Plan B women. I feel like a PT boat escorting Iowa Class battleships. You go ladies!

silent,

ROFL...my H used to make that sound all the time when he was home and himself!!!!!

chrisner,

silent is my inspiration...she rocks!!!!!

Thanks for the vote of confidence IHC. I find myself saying 'der dee der' to MYSELF sometimes, just to bring home how moronic some of the things I do are. I will get up from the sofa, with great determination to start the task that I was, just moments ago, thinking of, and, as I'm approaching the room of my final destination, the thought will just leave me. I'll be standing in the middle of a room, literally scratching my head. Suddenly, my alter ego says, 'der dee der'.

Or I'll mix up some action, like grabbing a fork to try to add sugar to my coffee, "der dee der!"

I also use it to make fun of my friends who get up to do something and forget on THEIR way.

Well that goes without saying...I always get to a destination and don't know why I am there...I have always blamed my kids though...you know they do suck your brains out when they are in ya...and I gave birth to 4 of em!!!!

I should be brain dead by now...

Seriously, what is that all about? You go through months of sickness, getting huge, lugging all that front-heavy weight around, THEN, the oh-so-lovely contractions, and then WHAMMO, say goodbye to your calcium, and, OH YEAH, I think we'll take some of those brains; you won't be needing those! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The real mystery. I can't remember what I need when I enter a room, but I could tell you the last place I saw your keys/shoes/bag/coat/thingamajig...

Just read your post...makes you wonder how many other women are reading that thinking...YES someone else has it too!!!!

My only hope is that they will use those brains to support me someday!!ha ha

Well, like I have been posting on other threads...I am leaning toward ending this whole thing. I feel very sad, but happy too...that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I really think that wanting a team mate to help is part of my leaning towards D. I am TIRED of doing this all alone. I had a friend the other day who was interacting with my DS3 and it made me realize how little my H did help out. I want someone who is going to give 100% to everything, like I try to do (no claims on perfection...).

I want to be loved again...it has been a long time!

My WH and OW were at my IL's house on Sunday for easter...with her daughter. She is being integrated into their family...

I don't want to fight for this anymore...I just want to be healthy and move on. find someone who wants me, loves me, loves my kids...I know there is no rush to find this, but I just don't feel like I want my H back anymore. I have really been seeking God to make sure that this is ok. In fact, I feel like I have been heading this direction and fighting it for about 2 months.

I have not acted on anything, but am feeling very ready to move forward.

I feel like a quitter for even saying this on this site...but I don't want that to be the only reason I hang on, just for fear of looking weak.

I actually feel like it is a bigger risk to move forward...I am a 35 year old mother of 5 for goodness sake...how on earth can I ever expect a man to want to sign on for that?

I am sorry if this is disappointing to any of you...please don't hit too hard with the 2x4's.

IHC

No 2x4 from me. You do it for as long as you feel like doing it--until you either don't want WS back or just feel like you can't do it anymore. No one in their right mind will fault you for choosing to move on.

The only thing I would say is to make sure this thinking isn't a reaction to OW being at your ILs. That's a huge, hurtful trigger, and I hope you let yourself cool off from it before taking any serious actions.

(((IHC)))

IHC, I've heard you mentioning this over the last month, so I don't think you are rushing anything. WE, the MB folks, will support your decisions.

Don't worry about the men, they will come. I'm 35, too, and, yes, I only have the one, but any new R is going to be with you, not your children. Hey, you can have WH and OW babysit! Ewwww, sorry, gross, blechy, yuckity yuck!

IHC, as long as you are in sync, and you know it, make the deicions that you need to. We will back you up. Just be SURE.

sdg,

actually had come to this decision before Easter..maybe a week ago, but just struggling with it because it's feels like quitting.

It is what I want, but it is scary. But no more scary than waiting for WH to come to his senses!

It actually felt like it clarified things for me a bit.

Kind of like the cherry on top of the sundae!

I won't move forward until I have no feelings of remorse or sadness, but I am definitely going that way.

IHC

SL was right. You've been making these noises for a while now. You'll get nothing but support from me.

IHC

everyone has to mkae the choice for themselves when they have done all they are willing to do and waited as long as they are willing to wait

Wow, how did I miss so much of your thread??


FWIW, I don't think you're giving up or quitting, and I wouldn't be disappointed in you at all. D doesn't mean YOU failed. It's not really my opinion that counts, though, it's yours. You have to be the one who decides what's right.

What would you change when you "move forward"? What does that mean to you? Making the LSA a final D? Would that better or worsen your curent sitch with CS, custody, kids ...? Are you ready to start dating? (I'm not at ALL trying to influence or question your decision -- just curious what your next step would be, and what that would change for you).

OUCH about the IL's. I don't understand how people can do that. He's just replaced his family with a new one, and they go right along with it. YUCK!!!

How is your reltionship with the IL's? Can you facilitate the relationship between them and your kids, at least? I'm sure that WH won't think to bother. One of the things I respect most about my mom is how she handled us kids after my dad took off with an OW. She's the one who kept up the relationship between us and my dad's family. I can't imagine how hard that must have been, but wow, did it pay off. They don't have much of a relationship with my dad anymore, but they still think the world of my mom.


You'll make the right decisions when it's time. You have a great head on your shoulders.

-AmI.

sl,

I really have been thinking this over for a while.

I am sure that this is what I want. I also know that it feels good to be moving on. I know in my heart that I am not completely writing my H off...if he were to ever show up again...well that is a bridge to cross over if it happens. But I am ready to move forward.

I don't feel confused as to what I am doing. I am somewhat sad because I am letting go of a man I have loved for 14 years. I think this is a normal feeling.

I cried when I read all the responses because I just am in awe of all of you. I wanted to stay a part of this group...sl, chris and sdg are too funny and I need that! Everyone else shows such strength.

I will be here for a while I know as I walk through this process...I will definitely need support.

IHC