WOW!!!
Congratulations!!!

Can't wait to hear more!!

-AmI.

Cool beans!!! Sounds good! Fill us in when you have the time

OK back again!

House we are in is approx 2200 sq ft. granite counter tops, 18 inch tile trhoughout kitcehn, halls...beautiful cut berber carpeting in living/bedrooms, 10 ft walls in all rooms, 3 car garage, rv parking, beautiful landscaping, plantation shuters in all windows, HUGE master suite with HUGE master bath...jacuzzi tub...amazing.

I feel SOOOOOO blessed right now. She is renting it to me for less than her mortgage and is including gardener and trash!

Things on the WH front are the same...I re-requested no contact. Used the recent contact from OW as my main reason to return to NC. She had called me on my cell...which means he either gave her my # or she sneaked into his phone to get it.

Anyway...here is the transcript of the call:

OW Hi IHC, this is OW. I just wanted to let you know that I don't appreciate you getting your church friends to call WH and try to get him to come home to you.

ME: I have no idea what you are talking about.

OW: well I just want you to know I don't appreciate you getting your friends from church to call WH to try to get him to come home to you...(broken record anyone...going once, twice...sold to the 'ho' in row 3)

Me: You know what, I didn't ask anyone to do anything, and you know what? I am NOT having this conversation with you...HANG UP!

She called my cell 2 more times, to which I did not answer. My boss (also my pastor's wife) answered the second one and said she was screaming and ranting and racing and cussing. Boss just said "who is this, wait a minute..." OW finally hung up.

She called again but we didn't answer.

Boss called WH to let him know she "accidentally" picked up my phone and answered it...that the woman on the other end was saying some "not so nice" things, etc. and that she was sorry she had answered the wrong phone...

So, now he knows that she is calling, but I didn't have to be the one to tell him.

I find it quite amusing...really...think about it...a mistress telling a wife that she is just not playing fair...I don't appreciate you trying to win your H back...how dare you!!!!! Can we all say LAME together?!

So, sent WH an e-mail saying we had to go back to third party comm. until he and OW are no longer together since she causes too much drama.

Set up a regular visitatin weekend and then said call intermediaries.

Checked my blocked e-mails to see if he was honoring request...he didn't, he tried to send me one this mornng.


I am still so done with all of this...in the way that you are supposed to be in plan B. I have been reading up on silents thread and I feel very much like she does....yes recovery is the number one outcome of all this, but I am content with whatever the end turns out to be. My priority is my children and giving them all they need to get through all this.

silent is an amazing mom and I for one want to be right alongside her in the mom department!

Anyway, that is the lowdown...

Wow. Very excited about the new place, it sounds amazing! Just what you needed, a nice big change, moving on and moving up.

Meanwhile, WH is sinking deeper in the OW's crazy rant-and-rave slime.

Nice job of cutting communication back off.
Bet the kids are just loving the new house!

OOOOO, IHC, sounds beautful and airy. I'm jealous. It's great that you could find a new beginning with the kids. This is going to be a good summer for you all.

Thank you for such kind words, and you are right beside me.

Had some pasta and chicken with my son (he loves to pour that parmesan cheese on), and he is playing some video games right now. I plan on doin the bath at eight, promptly followed by a most raucous pillow fight, quiet time and then bed. Whew

IHC when I think about attempting this with more than one, I actually begin to sweat, so YOU amaze me, my dear...

It definitely feels like a fresh start for all of us.

I have not proceeded with any D stuff, but I am feeling completely content with my life right now. When I used to hear people talk about the beauty of plan B and the safety it provides...I didn't know it would be this.

I am walking a very fine line right now... There is a very large part of me that does not want H back...the lies are so abundant and the infidelity so long...who knows how long for sure...if he was bold enough to be out in the open with it 2 years ago, how long was it going on in secret? I truly don't know if I would ever trust him again. this part of me thinks that who I am in love with does not actually exist. I feel like the person I am in love with, who I thought was my H, was just a person I created in my mind...who I wanted him to be.

I don't know if I will ever know if that is true or if my H has just been gone for so long that I think WH is the person I am legally married to right now.

Is any of this making sense? I guess I am just saying I have NO IDEA who my real H is...maybe he never existed as I thought he did...ya know...rose colored glasses

Anyone else ever feel this way?

At this point, a small part of me (the little ember, if you will silent) still thinks H is somewhere in there and may someday come to the surface and try to right all the wrongs that WH has done, but I just don't see that as being very REALISTIC.

I want to live in reality now, not in la la land...or fog land.

I am happy and want to stay that way...I have even stopped taking my AD's...that is a good sign that I am doing ok...I started weaning them down a while back and have felt no adverse effects from it.

OT..how do I get a thread on my favorites list...I did it before, but can't figure it out now. I want toget all my regular reading put on there so I don't have to search so hard!

IHC:

I'm glad that you broke off contact with your WH.

It makes me sad though to read your post.

To think that you are buying that the WS REWRITE of HX...

Come on, IHC? This man who made all those children with you had no love for you????

You don't BELIEVE that GOD BROUGHT YOU TOGETHER...LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER...as you said in your marital vows?



Thankfully, I didn't feel this way...or I wouldn't be as HAPPY with MY HUSBAND as I am today... I NEVER GAVE UP HOPE FOR THE FUTURE OF MY MARRIAGE..although I did struggle to
ACCEPT the PRESENT...

This is what is making it hard for me to come to MB these days...

Where IS THE HOPE around here?

What a VICTORY for OPs of the world when BSes GIVE UP HOPE!!

Mimi,

I think part of what you are seeing is an inundation of fresh crops over and over. It has been non stop for some time now. This place is very painful.

You may be an optimist among realists. Who knows? I can't say that I feel differently from IHC. I also don't have the benefit of speaking to any of the Harley's right now either. I can't afford it. I so wish I could, but I cannot. Maybe the Harley's inspire a sense of purpose in the Plans that you can't feel after such a long time. I don't know.

Yes, the OP are winning, and there is only so much that we can do about that. We can change how we think and how we handle the day to day exhaustion of kids and daycare and school and work and juggle this and don't drop that. It's exhausting, then add to that the pain of infidelity, so happily dangled daily. I think I get where IHC is coming from.

I haven't given up, but my hope is dwindling. I have 2 false recoveries now, and have heard the words "I want a divorce" and "I'm in love with her, I don't want you, I want her' so many times. Also, dealing with my DS's pain DAILY. The real world can put a huge crimp in Plan B.

I have been as dark as possible, at this point, with the real life support network I have, and dealing with DS, etc. I still hope to recover my M, but two years and three women later, I just wonder how much *I* can do anymore.

Threadjack over. I just wish I could be so optimistic that this will work in time enough for me not to have given up.

actually mimi

i find that the problem in many situations is that there are people here who are not supporting the BS having HOPE

because THEY have no hope for the BS marriage

maybe that's why you can't find it

maybe that's why people are giving up

in my situation, even with Jennifer harley herself telling me not to give up hope and to wait longer than the 2 years

there are some here who think they know more than the harley's. they think THEY are the experts and are unsupportive, sarcastic, and cruel to me because I haven't given up hope

and there are so FEW here who openly disagree with them and tell them they are wrong

that there IS still hope

and if they do......they risk being told they are giving FALSE HOPE

because of course.....these posters think they know what the future holds

they think what they believe for some reason has more value than the harley's beliefs

oh yes, and then there are those who just stop posting because they have no hope for your marraige

personally, i think there are some here who should NOT be posting on this website because they do NOT believe in the harley's plans or in thier beliefs about affairs

not really

or they WOULD still have hope for others and would support them

eav, you may have a point. I've been told a number of times --you did all that you could, you can let him go and move on now. (paraphrasing, of course)

Or

he's shown you what he wants, so you can D now, or PLAN B and that is fine

My point, and it may have been missed, cause I tend to jibber jabber a bit, is that the seriousness and reality of daily life with the kids and ALL of the responsibility being heaped on one parent can DAILY remove chunks of change from the Love Bank, contact or no.

I'm not encouraging LINGERING ON HOPE in the midst of PLAN B.

I said two things. ACCEPT REALITY AND NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.

IHC among others seems to be saying/rationalizing that her MARRIAGE was not AUTHENTIC in the first place.

I don't buy that.

I'm sure OPs would LOVE to HEAR that point of view.

BELIEVE IN YOUR MARRIAGE WHETHER IT SURVIVES/RECOVERS OR NOT.

Not believing in your marriages negates the LOVE that resulted in the birth of your beautiful children.

I can't help but look daily at my dear husband and know that he truly was in love with another woman and he had fallen out of love with me.

I know I'm a ways out but I BELIEVE THAT I FOUGHT FOR HIM..and part of the FIGHTING FOR HIM..was PLAN B...

Don't be WIMPY. STAND TALL AND RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE WOMEN OF VALUE WHO WERE LOVED BY THE HUSBANDS THAT GOD CHOSE FOR YOU. HOLD YOUR HEADS UP HIGH. DON'T BUY THAT CRAPPY MYTH THAT YOUR MARRIAGES WERE NOT MEANT TO BE....THAT'S PROBABLY THE SCRIPT THAT THEY ARE SELLING ON THAT OTHER WEBSITE...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mimi, I can happily say that I believe that my Husband did love me and that we had a good M, not perfect, but good. I will always, now that I have better perspective thanks to Plan B, look back at this time in my life (prior to the A's) and be happy about it.

My problem, I'm not real happy about losing it, slowly, every day. It's really painful, and many here, right now, are in the same boat, and are trying with all that we have to reassure each other. Not many are chiming in to slap us with 2x4's anymore. I think they believe we've got it all wrapped up.

I can truly say that you are one of the few recovered that consistently posts to us Plan B'ers. We have those who have been D'd, despite following the Plans, but not many recovered, so I would like to thank you for taking the pains to read our threads. I know it can't be easy, but you are only one voice. We need more Mimi's, truly...

silent

BINGO

that's it exactly!!

it's those of us who are still BS and still in plan B with the HOPE of recovering our marraige that are supporting EACH OTHER

because WE KNOW the pain those like us are feeling

maybe others have forgotten or didn't wait as long as we have choosen to so they don't know how painful this is

the people who get the most support and HOPEFUL posts are those who are new to this pain

yes, they certainly need help

but those of us who have sufferred through so much and DO feel like each day our marriage slips further away from our grasp NEED support that there is still HOPE

that plan A and plan B CAN work to SAVE your marraige...."don't give up" "hang in there"

with the exception of Mimi and very, very few others here

the "old timers" and those who have recovered their marraiges OR divorced and moved on ARE NOT SUPPORTING THE HOPE OF THOSE OF US IN PLAN B

It's good to know that we are fighting the same battle, but hard to reinforce the goodness on the other side, when none of us are ON the other side.

Thanks for seeing that and desribing it in better terms, eav. Like I said, I tend to babble...

silent

i edited the post above

**********

i wish that others here would read what we've written and understand how we feel

when i came here and posted about not getting a response from my husband and finding out the OW was divorced

SOME people were supportive of my efforts, my pain and my struggle to get back on track with my plan B and goal of saving my marraige while dealing with this new info

my struggle to find hope

while MANY others didn't even bother to post because they believe what some did post

that there is no hope for my marraige

WHY NOT

what makes them so sure that my marraige is one that can't be saved?

even Jennifer harley believes it's possible and i still find very few people here who agree with her

that doesn't help to maintain hope

maybe those people think jennifer doesn't know what she's talking about OR that she's also giving me false hope

WHY then are they here, on her site?

eav, I totally agree. I must say that many here have enough money to run their computers, but not nearly enough to counsel with the harley's.

I believe that you M can be saved, because you believe. You may not know this, but you give me hope that I CAN do this.

I think people get tired of plan B'ers, because the drama lies within us mostly. Our war is with ourselves much of the time.

We stand watch in the lighthouse, but no ships pass or come to port. So we try to support each other, and sometimes, due to our own struggle, we fail miserably.

i'm sure that there must be a post SOMEWHERE from SOMEONE on my thread that tells me what a GREAT PLAN B i'm doing

(that is sarcasm!)

i have counseled with Jennifer Harley since BEFORE making my decision to go into plan B, and she has been with me every step of the way (as have some of you)

i have been so dark in plan B that i haven't seen my husband for a year and a half and i've had no contact with him, other than through the intermediary in a year (since tax time last year)

i have NO idea if he is even dead or alive, if he's still at his job or even that OWH had divorced her a year ago

and yet, i don't hear many posters telling me what a good job i'm doing of following the plan with the goal of saving my marraige

i DO get posters telling me that they have read my thread and long ago gave up hope for my marraige and wish that i would realize that my husband's not coming back because they it's so sad to see me wasting my life away hopeful of what won't ever happen

that i'm "inventing reasons to keep my husband in my life"

i DO get many posts telling me that it's time for me to "move on"

that i'm "hanging on"

that there is "no hope my husband will ever return"

that i'm too wrapped up in my husband and my marraige (newsflash! that's what this site is for!)

few people seem to get that i have "moved on" while still maintaining my hope and goal of recovering my marraige

i have remodeled some of my house, which i now own and pay for MYSELF, i have learned how to take care of the house, yard, and pool.... pay bills, take care of the the car and truck and even bought a truck...i've taken care of two dogs, i have written my own property settlement agreement, i have taken 2 online classes, changed jobs, and gotten my early childhood certification

i am actively looking for a job so that i can move closer to my family

but i still come here and see posts telling me to "move on"

i DON'T get ANY posts telling me that i'm doing a great plan B

i DON'T get many posts telling me to hang in there because there is hope

THAT'S why some of us in plan B give up hope

it's he!! to love someone and pretend they don't exsist

it sucks to know your spouse goes to bed every night in someone elses arms

it's hard NOT to try to find out about them and their life

but i'm doing it as are others who have been in plan B for a long time

and yet, who notices that and supports us for it?

not many here

sorry for the threadjack IHC

eav, you are doing a stellar Plan B, and I agree with what you are saying about the difficulties of remaining silent in it.

Probably one of my M's biggest enemies is my WH continuing to sleep with another OW every day. CHOOSING that life every day. I choose M, OUR M, he chooses otherwise. THAT is the biggest buzz kill.

Well, sorry IHC for the threadjack, but I believe that it was very helpful to me and eav, and may be helpful to you, after reading it.

eav, I bid you goodnight. Thank you for bringing me back from a bad place this evening. Every day I bring myself back, but my son has been laying some doozies on me lately, and it is very discouraging.

again

i wish others here would read the things we shared and understand

mimi

any ideas?