Funny, nowhere did I mention you, or say anyone was wasting my time. I have said however how much I appreciate everyone's help and willing to stand beside a man who continues to fail day after day, yet the same people keep coming in my thread to be positive and say "come on Vince you can do this", instead of saying negative things about how I refuse to listen, no wonder my wife left me, questioning my will to save my marriage etc. I just don't need that right now.

Sorry if anyone took my post the wrong way, which it seems at least one of you have. I have nothing but love and appreciation for EVERYONE who has taken the time to post and stick with me throughout this horrible situation.

Thanks for your continued POSITIVE support,
VS

100% agreed, and that's why I cant be more grateful to the unbelievable people who have continued to stick by me, even though I have TRIED, but failed to implement their advice. I have taken it. I have just failed. Kinda like a test. You study for it, but when its time to take it, you forget everything you have learned.

My appt. with Jennifer is now. I'm looking forward to getting on the right road here, for myself.

VS

Well, 60 mins after my scheduled appt. and no Jennifer, I hope she is OK.

I was really looking forward to speaking with her, not its going to be REALLY hard to make the time the next week or so, but I will have to somehow....

Anyone ever have this happen to them? Is this a sign??

VS

Vince,
Steve has been available on-time exactly once for me. I usually schedule for 0800 EST, Steve's 2nd appt of the day and it is "normal" for him to be ready at0825. I have also never had one of my sessions end at the 45 minute or even 1 hour mark so I understand why he is late. Like a doctor's office, the earlier in the day you schedule, the less opportunity there is to get behind. Once you get into it with them you'll see. When you reschedule, try for as early in the day as you can get. For Steve, it is pretty much impossible to get that 1st appt of the day unless you schedule 3 wks in advance. Anyway it is "normal", hang in there and let us know how it goes.

So, what's up?

HI-
I spoke with Jennifer Wednesday morning. She missed our Tuesday night appt. due to communication errors on their side, but she gave me a complimentary session Wednesday morning!

Anyway, we discussed pretty much the basic concepts of Plan A, some tactics I can use when I get into one of my patent moments where I lose ALL the traction I have gained. Talked alot about love busting, how to combat them, and most importantly talked about how Plan A is really for me, not for my WW. Which I don't think I have fully been getting, despite about 200 posts saying that to me. I think I understand now that I will be making myself a better person, and if WW decides to join in the fun, great, if not, I have the tools to have successful relationships forever.

I have received the SAA book, which I could probably read in one night, but I plan on taking it slow, re-reading parts and really absorbing it.

As far as my sitch is concerned, no major turn of events at all. We both have been incredibly busy since Monday night. She actually called me out of the blue Tuesday night on her way home form work just to chat. Very odd, but I'll take it. Wednesday she was supposed to come over for lunch, but I just couldn't fit her in, as I had an impossible day. I called her and told her I couldn't do lunch, to which she said "ok, but I went and ran a bunch of errands this AM so I could, I wish you would of told me sooner". She said she would call me last night, but never did. I know she was impossibly busy getting ready for her trip and getting the dog ready to come here (pack up all his stuff). She emailed her parents and I yesterday a link to her personality profile, from Briggs-Myers or something, saying "here is a link to a personality test i took recently and what kind of person I am. I hope this will allow you to better understand me". I kinda laughed to myself, as almost she feels like no one understands her and that by her showing us this it was almost like "see, this is why I am the way I am, no one get me!" - like a 18 year old teenager. BUT, before you blast me. I took the chance to really read it over and I responded with the most reflective, kind, whole hearted email i could muster up saying that I really appreciated her letting me inside, that I have known most of this and could always see xx xx in you, etc. I basically stroked her ego,etc. I would say she will probably be surprised and happy with my response, but I truly meant what i said with all my heart.

Anyway, she will be here in an hour or so to drop off the dog for a week, before she leaves for her trip. I am very against the trip, but Jennifer told me that no matter how against something I am with my WW, I need to stop being so critical and judgmental. And actually, my WW would tell you that is one of the things that drove her away from my, is how critical I am. That, combined with the fact my WW can't take an ounce of criticism, made for fireworks!

So, I plan on NC for the next 7 days while she is gone. I'm going to be doing a lot of writing as part of my 'homework' after my session with Jennifer. I need to write my love busters down, write WW a letter, write down 'Why am I doing this?, Why do I want WW back?" to further help me when I have those moments of despair, I can remember why I am doing this and help me stay in control.

As far as me, I would be lying if I told you I wasn't very depressed, very lonely and just so tired of this situation. I know I have a long road ahead of me and frankly, it scares me. I have worn myself out so much the past 4 months, its like I have nothing left to fight with. I am going to have to find a way though. Some how, some way. I am going to do this, for me. I think I will be a better person no matter how this turns out and really feel like that is what is most important.

Thanks for the continued advice and support-I'm going to need it the next few months-
VS

VS,

Please, please, please check out the link to the post I put on my previous thread.

It will show you a little bit of someone else hitting rock bottom.

Just want you to know we understand what you're going through and feeling.

Your WW, though, shows things that I never once had. She actually called you just to chat?!

I never got such a thing until a few months ago and she wanted to chat a little about what was going on in my life and how I had fun on weekends. The conversation got very painful because she shared details of her dating life, which really re-opened wounds and hurt. I wasn't/am not ready to hear such details. It only highlights the rejection more.

I didn't LB and was quiet, but it really stung.

So you have some positive signs.

Put it this way, not even a hospital stay on my part warranted a phone call to check on how I was doing. That's after 3 kids and 7 years of marriage. Discarded like garbage.

You have some hopeful signs.

Play your cards right and you may come ahead.

Read my thread and good luck.

MD - I have read your thread. Its very sad, but I can definitely relate. I never thought I would ever be a person who can relate to stuff like this, but this is my reality now.

I appreciate this forum so much, that there is a place I can go, tell people what I am doing/going through and people know exactly what I am talking about. It's definitely therapeutic.

I went to the emergency room back in January, 2 weeks after d-day, and two weeks after eating nothing and only drinking alcohol. My WW came to see me, but was cold and distant. It was very frustrating, cause all I wanted was my WW to hold me hand, rub my head and tell me everything was going to be alright, but I knew I didn't have that anymore, so it stung so bad. It was a rough stay to say the least.

As for the call just to chat, I actually asked her why she was calling and she said "i don't know, I don't think for anything really". So, she may of had a reason, but forgot, who knows.

I think after she gets back from her 'vacation', it is really going to be do or die time. I am going to be solid in my plan and she has said we are going to counseling. It could be the beginning of the end or a new beginning. We'll see.

VS

Vince,

Do or die time is going to be the next year, not the week after she gets back from her trip. You need to understand that. Nothing you can do will fix this situation quickly. My WW ended her A with OM back in early November, and she and I still haven't had SF. These things take time. Get that through you head.

jmwc - I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I meant it is do or die time. Like I have to get it together or I'm done. I'm running out of energy here and I believe we are both effectively emptying our love banks. So, essentially, it is do or die time. No more mistakes by me.

Hope that clears it up. I understand this is going to be a LONG war, not a quick battle.

OK - WW is officially gone for 7 days. Does everyone agree that I should not be calling her while she is on her 'getaway, clear her head' trip?

I'm going to start reading SAA tonight and this weekend am going to begin writing what Jennifer told me to write (love busters, why? letter to WW, etc.)

Thanks everyone-I still your encouragement and advice!
VS

Vince:

Is a duck's butt waterproof?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

Got it. Thanks:)

VS

Yes, you most certainly should NOT call her.

VS, can I have your e-mail to send you a quick note?

Best of luck.

Use this week to grieve the fact that she is gone and your marriage as you knew it is dead. Grieve it.

One week can make a huge difference in letting go.

This won't mean you won't want to work it out, but you want to deal with her from a position of strength, not weakness.

Great advice brokendreams...I will take head. I'm doing very well the last 3 days...granted its 3 days.....i'll take what I can get...baby steps.

Still NC by me while she is gone. she called Friday to let me know she got there safely.

I am really using this time to disengage and get myself together, and I feel it is working. I am not having any moments of anxiety and helplessness like I usually do. I am not sure if that is because I know she is away and I cant see her or what. But I'll take it.

VS

You got five days, do some crunch's walk as much as possible, get your hair cut, or if like be buff that bald head. When she comes back dont' show her a run down man that has rings under his eyese and a potty belly, or a bigger one.

Start your new life plan now, this is the plan where you change fundementally what you have wanted to change all your life and then see (by showing her the way) if she wants to join you no this ride.

VS,

I want to encourage you to do something which did a ton for me when I was in your shoes.

Go get a book called, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. I read this book when I was in the hospital and it did wonders for me.

It is short. You can read it in two days. But I don't kid you when I tell you that it is full of so much wisdom you'll be reaching for a highlighter.

The first 56 pages of the book focus on his personal experience in the concentration camps, the second part focuses on his philosophy that developed from that experience.

VS, I can honestly tell you that no other book has ever reached me at such a critical time as that one. This is your week to heal and come into things as a stronger man. I've been in your shoes and I know how much it stinks.

Don't be surprised if you're chugging along and suddenly find yourself crying. It's ok. I did the same. But my one week healing did a ton to help me deal with my exww as a stronger man.

Go get that book and read it. You'll be surprised by how much wisdom is contained in those short pages.

Not to threadjack, but Vike what is up with you?

broken...thanks, I will def. look into it. Thanks.

As for everything else, I have maintained NC and feel really good. I think I have finally come to terms that nothing will EVER be the same no matter how bad I want it to. Like I said above, I don't know if this is because she is gone on vacation to 'clear her mind'(what a joke), or because of the NC, but I really feel better about...well, just everything I guess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I have a plan, and I am going to work it. What I am unsure of, is if I want to save my marriage. I just can't determine that yet. I hope thats not a bad thing. What I am going to do though, is work towards reconciliation/recovery, get in a place where my WW and I can make decisions about our future together without the pain and the hurt flowing from our mouths all the time and see if we can recover a love that was once so strong and what I thought to be unbreakable.

Thanks,
VS