I recently started posting on MB opposed to just lurking and it has really helped me. Hoping some of you can help me today.

My H & I have been married 13+ years. We have one adopted son, which adoption was final last year. I also have 3 step children. (2 grown and 1 minor). My H & I have had a very rocky marriage...on and off. My H first affair was first year we were married and last one was 5 years ago. We separated for several months and with the help of the church we were able to work it out. He has been faithful ever since.

Things were really great when we first reconciled. He was being kind and helpful and really filling my EN. After a few years, we decided to adopt a child. He has been with us for a couple of years but adoptions was not final until last year. Since the adoption was finalized, my husband has started talking to me with complete disrespect, ordering instead of asking. H is critical of my clothes, appearance, the way I clean house, the way I drive, where I work, how I talk. You name it he has some negetive spin on it. Most of the time I hold it in and I don't say anything and then sometimes (not often) I speak up. I do not like to have heated discussions or arguments in front of our son. My H does not help around the home and when he does it requires continuous nagging from me to make it happen. As an example: We bought a ceiling fan and it sat in the middle of the living room for over a month before he finally moved it to the other room. It's still not up. Now to move onto financial. My H one bill in life is the mortgage. After the adoption he became 4 months in arrears. I called the mortgage company and worked out a payment plan to get back on track. I confirmed all of this with him and he said he could do it. I made it really clear that the mortgage company said if he was late one time the plan was off, so he said he understood. Well first month to pay and he was late but he did pay it, however the mortgage co. would not accept it. He did call and finally talked to them and had our loan remodified. Our first pymt was in Jan 07. He made this payment but not without me paying half of it. Now please don't think that I don't pay anything, because I pay all other bills (car notes, insurance, utilities, day care, gas, groceries, etc.) I was very frustrated giving him half of the mortgage. Especially when during this time he had made no payments and even borrowed money from a friend to buy a 4-wheeler, (which he has still not completely paid the friend back to this date).

I decided to sit down with my husband and air my concerns. I took my son to a reletives house so we could discuss without interruption. I called him and told him we needed to talk about some issues bothering me and I did not want to do that over the phone. The arguemnt started before I ever got home because I would not talk to him about it over the phone. When I got there he became very defensive and we got nothing resolved. I decided to wait till the tension cleared so we could talk calmly. The very next day, he called me on my way home from work and it started all over again. I was angry so Son & I went to reletives house for the weekend. I came back a few days later but not because I wanted to but because I felt sorry for him. Not a good choice. We both walked around on egg shells all week and things were very tense. I felt like jumping out of my skin. I decided to move out the following weekend.

We have been apart now for over a month. Things have calmed down and we are talking and getting along. I feel this is a good thing. My H has admitted that he shouldn't talk to me the way that he does, he should help around the home& with our son, and take responsibility for his financial part. However these are just words and actions speak louder.

I have agreed to go to counseling with him and today is our first session. Per American Beauty's advice, I have set a time line to make my decision. I have very mixed feelings on going to counseling. I love my husband, but that just isn't enough. I want a marriage where we both participate as a team. I want more than anything for the counseling to work and make me feel secure that he will do this & change, but this is a tall order.

My son has really been acting out and crying for his daddy. I feel that I owe it to him as well as to the man I love and to myself to give counseling a chance. I want to be happy again and not feel beat down.

Am I on the right track? Is there something I'm doing that I shouldn't? or something I'm not doing that I should be doing?

Any comments would help. I'm so nervous about going today