I was reading abacus dog's post and it made me think a little. How long after Dday before you had SF? How did you handle the triggers or the thoughts of the FWS?
To be honest I am always feeling compared with the OM and have to outperform him every time it happens. It is very tough to not think of the OM when this happens.
Any suggestion?
Rock <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Just think about how you are happy to be getting it. Some of us aren't. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

To be honest with you, SF with someone you LOVE and care deeply about is WAY better than SF with who couldn't give a crap about you. Be a generous and giving lover and I GUARANTEE you that you are a better lover than some OM that was just using your WW as an OBJECT for HIS pleasure. Come on Rock, do you think it could REALLY compare? I know it is a trigger for a while, but you need not be so sensitive and insecure.

I know you're right jmwc. It's just the thoughts of what happened that kills me.

rock,

BH here. If you wonder and worry and linger on that crap, it will tear you up. What do you think about? What he did with her, or what you wish you could do with her? Take control of your sex life, put into it your own fantasies and desires, maybe, you might just discover they also align with your wife's. Talk with her. Is it uncomfortable, good, then you are finally starting to communicate your feelings to your wife...and maybe she with you. Tell her your scared, and unsure of yourself, and want to 'do' more in the bedroom (or maybe not in the bedroom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )

Quit worrying about the OM. She is with you. Consider it maybe this way. She left you to have sex with OM. It was so good, she came back to you. Think about that. And then, have a fun time with your wife tonight.

-hang in there

I know that SF is MUCH better with someone you actually love and care about. It's just the reality that she was that intimate with someone else. Him and I will forever share this crappy bond now. Yuck.

It was so good, she came back to you. Think about that

I believe she "came back" to me because she got busted. Who know's she might still be going and getting some from him still today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

That ain't the truth. Getting caught is more freeing than anything. Getting caught is when you strip away the excitement of the sex, and then it becomes just the sex. The same sex you get after you've been married for a few years, the sex you get when your kids are down the hall, and you have to double check to make sure the door is locked. She got that with the OM, and CHOSE to come home to you. You can't make her be there. She is choosing it, no matter what may come from her mouth, she is choosing to be with you. So, quit letting Satan tell you otherwise.

As for your last... really? Or are you just feeling sorry for yourself? Because, well, you are right, you don't know...but what will you accept?