Greetings! I am in the middle of a divorce at this point. It is an ugly situation. I am hoping for a reconciliation, but am unsure if that is the right thing to do.

I wanted to leave last Nov. We were facing foreclosure and I wanted to work things out so we could move on together. He went to see my counselor for MC (although I was concerned as I have been seeing her for 4 years due to depression... I thought a fresh perspective would have been helpful). I had asked him to find someone else as he was accusing me of being controlling. I was willing to go to another one with no problem. That was my first request - he went but she dismissed him for not carrying through any of the treatment plan that they had agreed on in August. I also asked him to cut down his hours so we knew what we would have to work with in getting into an apartment. Plus, he was working 16 hours per day 6 days per week. With my working full time and having 2 girls (5 and 9), I needed him to spend more time with me. Lastly, I asked him to see a credit counselor with me so we could make a budget that we could afford. He never did cut down his hours and he didn't show up for the credit counselor. So, I offered to move out, but he moved out first.

I took the girls to a friend's house for the weekend while he moved so it would be less stressful for them. While driving home from the weekend, he called and asked if I would give him another chance to work things out while we lived apart. I thought this sounded like a good idea. We set up a time to go for dinner to discuss.

I put off filing to see what happened at the dinner. He did call to cancel at the last minute, so I filed. He counter filed but since I was served first, we are on his filing.

There was little contact between us, but I let him have the girls every other weekend. I do believe kids need their dads in their lives. However, in Jan, my youngest came home and said that she was daddy's special girl and they took baths together now. I ran her to the counselor (who she was seeing due to behavior challenges at school) who felt it was reportable, although no sexual contact happened. So, we went to court and the judge gave him supervised visitation.

We have not been able to find someone to do this. Child Protective Services (CPS) has taken over. They have interviewed the girls and could not give me a reasonable assurance that the girls would be safe from him. They have now sat on this since January and done NOTHING else - and they yell at me when I call to follow up. I am not his wife, so they can't release information as they would to his spouse yet we are still married, so they can't release information that they would to the victim's family as there is still marital protection in testifying at this point.

His lawyer told H that he suspected I wanted to get back together. Then, the mortgage company gave us 48 hours to get out, so I had to call and let him know so he could get his stuff out (which up until now he refused to do). I showed up while he was moving and got him to sign some of the papers for the mortgage and we started talking a bit. He invited me out to lunch the next week.

We have been seeing each other apart from the girls for about a month now. He is totally respecting the boundaries I have set up (like not calling me when the girls would be around) and he said he wants to get back together only if we seek counseling. He has in his mind a year of working on our own issues before living together again. He is willing to read Dr. Harley's material and try to put it into practice (and has started).

My counselor is worried and has admitted she is protective of me. She knows that for the last 9 years, he has shut me out and not been there when I need him to be (I have gone through 5 surgeries without his support, visits, or caretaking...) plus my depression issues. We also have the whole CPS thing over our heads and foreclosure (and possible resulting bankruptcy issues) to deal with before we can finalize the divorce, and she is worried that he will make things drag out to reel me in.

So, I want to work on this. There isn't a 3rd party yet involved. He has promised me (on his own initiative) that he will not date others or even have any opposet sex friends until the divorce is final or we decide that this marriage wouldn't work, whichever is later. This gives me hope.

So, my question is, what are thoughts about me continuing to work on this marriage? What would people suggest I be aware of? I feel torn... If CPS says he cannot see the kids again, that will decide this (as a big fat NO) and I told him he had to cut down hours at work (we negotiated to 9-10 hours per day and only for 5 days as what he can work and still have energy for us at home). So far, no go, but he "promises" me that he is working on it.

Sorry for the long post.... Thank you for sticking with it! And Thanks in advance for any advice.

he takes a bath with your youngest daughter, tells her she is his special girl, and cps is involved and YOU WOULD EVEN CONSIDER RETURNING TO THIS MAN? no sexual contact happened this time, but what about next time? what he did is COMPLETELY inappropriate and you were in the right to report it. I would have castrated him by now.

i am sorry but i cannot BELIEVE you would even consider putting this man back in your life let alone around your daughters. that is very scary to me.

mlhb