Hey all,

My new job doesnt give me time to post too much.........so please forgive the lack of communication.

I now know why a limit was set on plan A.

Cause when your LB$ is empty it will cause you to wonder why the heck did i marry this WW? We had a long talk last nite and she mentioned alot of things ........

i do remember a few.

That i am her best friend and dont have anyone that she can talk to like me (Hah!!what about OM)

that i set ultimatums by deciding what i want as i W.

She tried the "M thing" and she doesnt want to do it anymore.

That her heart is in love elsewhere.......but she cant hurt me so she is stopping alot of the things that do.

That she knows that i love her.

frustrated that she cant love me the same way.

So i told her that she is free to go ......it is time for me to look after myself and DS. She asked about her too i said that i was always there for her and i will always be a husband but i have accepted her decision and will respect it. I will now moveon with my life.

I dont know how it happened but we made SF.

This morning she asked about last nite and if that means i will no longer look after her...i told her no, she is free to do whatever she wants.

prety much ignored her for the day. That illicit some serious attention from her. told me that she felt something and will talk to me later about it.

maybe she is in withdrawal of just plain adultry. of romantic affair........i dont care anymore.

I tried so hard..but in the end it doesnt really matter.

It makes me think.....are all women this way too?

I missed being hugged..i miss tender touches that dont lead to SF,just that intimate closeness is what i crave.

And i dont plan to be lonely forever.........so i am thinking about getting D by the end of this year.

She want a friendship and partner for lukie........i dont want her friendship.....i want her love.

Why do WW think that they can walk all over a BS and then come back on their own terms?

This new job has vicious side effects...i work at a production studio that has female employees and filming in exotic locations and rub shoulders with models, etc.

The perfect fertile ground for A.

I am no catch.......but at least i know that i tried and was a good man. She was my first girlfriend,my wife , my lover....i would never deliberately hurt her. I cooked,cleaned, gave her back rubs tuck her in...and most important .....loved her.

I will love again .........with or without her.

mimi...there is more than what meets the eye.........i cant plan B in our sitch.......cant i just ignore? do my own thing?

the saddest part though...............i love my WW, with all her baggage. But i refuse to live in a loveless marriage.

Sometimes she crack,cries about life.......but i cant do this anymore. I need love too......pray for me.

just venting.

Let me state that in no way do i see myself as being entitled to having an A.......the devastation it has wrought on my family...........i would not wish this even on my worst enemy.

It has taught me more than anything to hold on to my core values and to give my DS hoope for the future.

I love you guys for helping me thru my dark times......even if i am not here that much.

No entitlement for me...

....but i still do feel lonely....very lonely.

YOu are on the same boat as I am. I love FWH very much, but he says that he is done and it is over. Then he doesn't leave, he stays and calls and says he cares. He is a wonderful man and I love him deeply, but I don't want to continue in this loveless marraige either. i LBed and gave and ultimatim. When he really thinks that he will lose me, he backs away from the idea of separation and says it is for me. I am hopelessly confused also.

By the way, no not all women are heartless. I know I would do ANYTHING to feel that love from my H again. I still have a little hope. I read once on this site if you are not 100% sure then don't give up, so I go on, but believe me I understand what you are going through and it is awful!
I know you said you are venting, but what type of response are you looking for? DO you want to hear it is hard and keep going because we have all been there

or give up because it is hard but you will find someone else eventually that will fill your void. either way each answer is right it is a matter of deciding whether you have it in you to fight or take a way out.

if you figure how to pass the loneliness and I would love to hear advise.

Basically you just go on making a nice life for yourself and kids, and hope that someone will join you. I was very lonely after D-day, but after 3 and a half years, can't even remember how painful it was. Life is good again.

It will happen to you too.

cfc,

so glad you can relate. The only difference in out stich is probably that you have 2 kids and i have one.Mfor 10 years and i gave my virginity to her........wanted it to be special.

I look at WW and i see a hurt lost person.So i cant just cut and run.......but what i would give just to be hugged...i mean really hugged.

I am just amazed at the devastation that a WS can cause and wonder ........do they ever really "get it".......that clarity.

thanks for responding cfc.

beliver,is that right? so i guess if i used your stich i have got 3.25 years to go.

You guys still together?

sorry ...not able to keep up to date.


did you guys ever felt particularly vulnerable during this period?

No, we are divorced. But I am happy again. He is not, and is still searching for something to fill the hole in his soul. It is sad.

When you get strong enough to live without her, she may come back and really join in the marriage. If she doesn't then you will be better off. Everyone deserves love and care, and there are a whole lot of women willing to give it.

then.............. there is still hope for humanity.

Thanks B

you cannot save your wife.
you cannot change her or make her want to change.
that has to come from within her.
you may find a time, and it sounds to me like you may be close to that time, that you need to cut your losses and end the marriage.

i tried to save my ex. he is cold and heartless, and i truly wondered at times when i looked in his eyes if you really even had a soul at all. he would cry, he would say he wished he was dead. i could not save him. i tried to give him a reason, but he just keeps searching and filling that void with ow, and with material things. i choose to fill my voids with god. much better choice. i had to cut my losses and end the marriage. i could not be sucked into his vacuum any longer. i am so glad i did.

i am not lonely anymore. i was ok with being alone, and loving my kids. and now i have a wonderful man in my life who i wouldn't trade for anything. i have lots of god in my life too. i have made extremely positive changes in my life. none of those would have happened had i stayed with my ex. i have no idea where i would be right now if he was still here. i fear maybe involved in my own A, who knows. i know i could not live "alone" without love and companionship much longer. i did the right thing. for me and my children.

don't let yourself be sucked into her vacuum of despair forever, that is all i would say....

mlhb

Hey there, nc007!

I'm sorry to hear you are still stuck in the state of limbo.

You deserve to be happy.

You deserve to have a loving R.

Now, please explain why you can't work a Plan B?

~ Marsh

wow.........thats how i have been feeling.

I just want to be 100% sure. There is that niggling feeling in the back of my mind.

But yes i am seriously contemplating cutting.

I will be on my own anyway.......love is NOT a trivial thing to play with, it is as frigile as a newborn baby. To mishandle either would result in irrepairalbe harm for life.

I think by years end i will be done for......so that is my goal.

thanks mlhb.

ML,

First she doesnt even have the first cent to get a place. I am the major income earner. Second i cant move out because it is my parents property. We live on a ranch and if i leave i know it would cause my parents to turn on her.

So there is my delema........not to mention my DS now knows that something is amiss. So in his own way he is trying to hold the family together in his 6 year old hand!

I heard about 180 and want to try this.

what do you think?

understand that it is NOT that i wont do it .......it is the thought akin to putting her out on the road that bothers me.

Tell your little wife that she needs to get a J.O.B. Sounds to me like she likes the lifestyle, but doesn't really want to be a wife.

I think you need to let her move on, and see how she likes life earning her own way.

i hear you beliver....and i will sit and talk to her after easter on doing so.

She is goingto her sister stateside easter hols. for 10 days......so i do have room to breathe.

i am steeling myself and making sure that any decision i make is not emotional......but wise and well thought out....Including turning to God.

I feel horrible though.........i started to turn to porn...and i am really feeling sick because of it.....shame actually...and i want to curse her although it was my choice to do so........can porn hug you? say i love you?

Why do i have to hurt so?..and worse cant do a daamn thing about it!

guess i am not "good" as i perceived myself to be in this stich....

You have your own fog.

Kick her out.

Tell her you are no longer interested in living like this.

Why would you sign up for another 8 months of this madness?

~ Marsh

Well, of course you know, turning to porn is not going to help things. It is like a drug - a temporary fix - but in the morning, you still have the same problems.

Be good to yourself, and realize that this stuff you are going through is extremly painful. But it won't be that way forever.

MM,

My own fog????

B,

i know..........i know. Will destroy the DVD's tonite.

i dont want to go home.......