Had a convo with my FWW t0day. Actually wish I didn't.
She has not figured out the "why" of her affair.
This remains an obstacle to our healing, and I think things are not going to change.

I am lost in this whole process,

All Blessings,
Jery

Try to read the book "Torn Asunder". There is a chapter on "the message of the affair". It's surprising, sometimes the affair has nothing to do with the marriage. The affair is used to fill a void.

Thanks Believer,
Read that book about four years ago. I've read enough books to start a library. I'm building a bookshelf to hold them all LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Doesn't really matter,my WW is not in the least bit intereted~!!!

All Blessings,
Jerry

How about using Larry's plan? Did you read his post?

Larry's Plan?

Not familiar with it. Ironic, my middle name.

All blessings,
Jerry

Just a post today, Jerry -

NC

This was supposed to be posted earlier. Sorry. . .

In my opinion;

1. You are needy. She knows it.
2. She is working you on that basis for whatever it is she wants, likely money.
3. Women don't respect needy men very much.
4. Your kid needs you.

So, get a grip, be in charge of yourself and get on with our life.

Just my opinion.

Yes, kick her out, aka grow a pair. BS fog: I had it bad. I couldn't think I was so mixed up. Talk about scrambled brains. That was me. I had NOT found this place yet. I talked to a guy at the suicide hotline who got me straight.

The points I remember are:

1. Get your head on straight. Forget her, think of you and the kids. What is best for YOU and the kids. She isn't thinking of you, she is thinking of herself.

2. Figure out what YOU want. If it is her, tell her exactly what you want and do not compromise. She either gives you what you want, without exception and without holding back or kick her [censored] out.

3. Life will go on with or without her. But the kids need a healthy dad and a healthy mom. If she isn't going to get her head on straight, that isn't your problem it is her's and the kid's, so at least you can be there for them.

4. She screwed up, not you. You are under no obligation to repair her problem. She is trying to make her problem your problem, don't buy it.

Well, I thought about it for about ten minutes and asked a couple of clarifying questions. I realized that I had hocked my manhood and needed to go to the pawn store and get them back, right now. I hoisted them up and called my wife who was out "Shopping." I said: "Get it home, I have made up my mind what and where I am and what I am going to do."

She did, madder than all get out. That made no difference. I simply said: "Get rid of him or I am gone right now, and I will not come back." I said some other stuff that isn't important to your situation near as I can tell.

She got rid of him immediately. I gave her a set of instructions and boundaries. To this day she follows them without exception. I love her. She says she loves me and acts like it.

It doesn't always work. It did for me. Your mileage may vary. But your life will be screwed up as Hogan's goat until you take charge of it. So will your kid's.

Larry

Thanks, believer

I like this post and a million others I've seen in the last 5 years, but my sitch does not seen to change. I feel exhausted and don't know how much I have left to give.
I feel like i"m done. I don't have anything left to give.
I think it's time for me to think about me and not my M. Does that make any sence or is it extremely selfish?

We have been M'd for 37 years and raised 2 boys together..
My oldest is geting M'd in may, on the island of patmos, greece. We are suppoosed to attend, but it will be difficult, at the very least.

Oh well, this has nothing to do with recovery does it?

Thanks and All Blessings,
Jerry