We have been married for two years and already have tried to seperate 3 or 4x.1) He has a 21 yr old daughter. We still pay child support for her, even though she is 7 months pregnant. ( state law since she is in college fulltime) He tends to side with her instead of protecting me in situations involving her.She sent me a baby shower invitation using my maiden name. I was upset. He told me to get over it. I was flabergasted.2)Before we got together, I enjoyed physical affection alot. He came from a marriage of very little physical affection. During our courtship, he was great with words which made me feel like I did not need to use my body to keep him interested. But he was nto a big kisser ( and kissing is mega important to me)He told me that once we got married, things would get better in the intamacy department. They did not. We are in a virtually sexless marriage. Now I am just not interested in beign intimate with him. HE's mad now.3) He communtes to work everyday at 5:30 am and does not get home until 8pm. then he goes upstairs and does nto come down at all to interact with the family. He says we should go upstairs to see him if we want to talk to him.

Anyone have any suggestions as to how to make this work? I believe that God brought us together, but I am getting hurt, frustrated and just feel disrespected.

What do I do? single choice
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Does he know about Dr. Harley and marriage builders? Will he discuss things with you? Is he willing to work on the marriage or just let it go?

I don't want to pop your bubble about God - but back in 2000, I thought that God brought my now x and I together also. Since then I have had to face the fact that it was our behavior and our needs that brought us together - not God. God is not out in the world bringing couples together in the sense that He picked the two of you for each other. Yes, what we learn about God and our personal relationship with him does affect our lives in a very big way, but that is the extent of it. We can pray to Him and ask for guidance, but that is the extent of it. From there we look for signs and signals that either draw us together or drive us apart.
Please don't let thinking God brought the two of you together be the reason you hang on so tight. Maybe the fact that you don't believe in divorce, just like God doesn't believe in it. And even then you do have to protect yourself from your husbands behavior if he refuses to protect you. The Bible gave him the responsibility to protect you from it, but in cases where a mate refuses one has to take care of themselves. That is now your responsibility until he decides to take it up.

One thing that Dr. H did advise me to do was to use the time when my xh got horney and wanted sex to bring up the matters that needed to be discussed. It is swapping one need for another. That is just a fact of life - period. Unfortunately my x didn't have a very high sex drive so there was little time to use. And he refused the advice that Dr. Harley gave him so it never worked out anyway. Even an IC that we were both going to told me that you can't steer a parked car - referring to my ex.

Pray about it and pray for the strength to do what you need to do to take care of yourself first. If you can't take care of yourself then eventually there will be nothing left of you to take care of anyone else with either. I'll be praying for you too. It's hard sometimes - I know - been there.

You don't have a marriage. You are 2nd to your stepdaughter and probaly to his x-wife. Is being married that inportant to you??? I agree with the other poster don't pin God on this relationship.

I agree that remarriages are so difficult.
RMW did you use the Telephone Coaching with Dr. Harley?

I am trying to get back to the Intimacy Stage from Withdrawal with DH. DH wants to get things better, but so far hasn't implemented the actions that he says he will take--all of these go along with the Policy of Joint Agreement, Undivided Attention, Policy of Radical Honesty.

I'm very interested in whether Dr. H felt helpful to YOU. DH is trying to balance us with his kids. I don't feel that I have unrealistic or selfish expectations, but I feel it is that way with Skids, so if he is trying to meet their "wants", he can't meet my needs. I feel like having a great marriage wouldn't be harmful to his kids (even if they see it that way) any more than a great marriage would be harmful to biokids.

It has been some months and things are no better. 21 yrold Step daughter had baby. Her home sitation( lives with her mom) has gotten worse, which makes our situation worse. I have reached the point of seperation. My son graduated from middle school and my husband did not go. claimed that he could not leave two hours early from his job since we were on vacartion ( just the two of us) last week, which was a sexless vacation. U right. This is not a marriage. I just did nto want to feel like I failed again. Instead I go forward, knowing that I am agood person. And God did NOT bring us together. We did and it will be us who decide the future of out happiness.

I will pray and wait and watch. Thank you!!1

Julli,

I would highly recommend considering the marriage coaching or getting before a counselor with him if he is willing. Have you tried going upstairs to spend time with him in the evening after he gets home?

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles but God will reward you for not immediately taking the easy way out and abandoning the marriage. It's all to easy to do that now a days.