what I meant to say was that there is not one A and OM to specifically expose (and maybe I am not explaining myself clearly). She has done part of the exposing herself by telling me about it by telling her boss about it by telling her friends about it and family about it. The only exposing that probably has not happened is on all these OM side (as I understand there are three but one is the main one). She told me that after separation she is ging to out on date with him and others immediately. not trying to justify her actions but only stating the facts.

So you are saying she told all of them she is married to you but she wants to bang a few OM for a while to see if it felt good?

OR did she spin it?

Because exposure would involve the unspun version

as much as it hurts to admit pretty much it. The only thing(spin) is that she wants to do it after we are legally separeted/divorced so she wants to make sure of that.

She told me that she has been wanting to see other people/these people for a while and have killed this urge before but now she wants to act on it

I have a question, I wrote this. should I give this to her under the circumstances or is this will come across as needy.



What I did wrong to you (and things that I did not do)

-Criticism all the time.
-Lack of positive feedback
-Show of love more often
-Criticize Criticize Criticize
-Took you for granted
-Took our relationship for granted
-Took our love for granted
-Did not get a clue on how and when things were getting worse
-did I mention constant criticism
-Hurt your feelings all the time
-killed your self esteem
-too much moodiness
-Did not express my issues
-Did not talk to you more often about issues
-Kept things to myself and let them boil over
-Did not respect your wishes
-Was not nice to your family
-Did not pay attention to who you really are while I knew exactly

I am sure the list goes on...


List of things that you did wrong
-Did not respond to my attempts to discuss issues
-held everything inside and as clueless I am --I never knew the extent of issues
-didn't clean the house more often (it's a joke) :-)
-


Why I love you
-for the smile on your face
-for the sounds you make
-for the completeness you bring in me
-for the trust we have for each other
-for the little nagging that we do (not the major ones ;-)
-for the smartness in you
-for the commitment in you
-for the dedication in you
-for things you have done to make me happy
-for your unconditional past support
-for you trying so hard in this
-for what you bring in my life and in our family life
-for you

I never said these words and I always meant everyone of these. The sad part is exactly that. My actions were opposite.

If this whole thing just fell apart yes we would both survive--we would both be happy again sometime. one day we would be back in the situation of a house and a future. but we have that right here right now and we have to fight for it. we both have different fights but they are for the same goal.......our marriage.

come and work with me on this..

It's a good start. However, if I was you, at this point I'd just focus on being the best S that I can be in the M. Actions speak a lot louder than words. Also, I would not entertain any conversations concerning S or D with her. Those are issues that should be deferred to your lawyers.

Secondly, instruct your lawyer to go for all you can in the S or D settlement. The more difficult it becomes for your WW to walk away, the quicker that fantasy bubble of hers will dissipate. You may also want to discuss what can be legally done to minimize the exposure of yourself and your children to your WS' hurtful behaviour. This is not about being vengeful - it's to ensure that your family, your assets, etc. are protected as much as possible while your WS is singing loony-tunes.

Finally, plan B as soon as she moves out. Right now, she is acting in a way that's going to deplete your LB very rapidly, and the best approach may be to stop that depletion as soon as you can.

an update.
-Wife talked to steve today and told me that he presented some interesting ideas and she is going to think about it. maybe that is good maybe that is bad dont know for sure but I can only see that as some positive. but she told me not to get my hopes up at all and she fears that with all this I am getting my hopes up and after few months if she wants to get divorce-I may still say no. Also she told me that one thing Steve tried to tell her was in a logically way and she told Steve that she was logicall all her life to make the marriage work but now she is going to go with pure emotions and no logic and she is fine with that. This is not a good sign at all.
-She has left (we knew that will happen no matter what).
-I am going to talk to Steve again on Monday.
-The divorce should be filed by Monday.
-The thing is that I need to be 100% sure that I want this. Just like her, my emotions are in a different place too. I beleive I want this marriage to survive and I love her but becuase of my past behaviour, I need to make sure that I need this. I continue to work on LBs and EN and noticing bad habits of mine and slowly putting a plan to change. I think no matter what that should make me a better person for me and at this time that is my mantra.