I was in the infidelity section for several months but stopped posting as things we going downhill and now I know they are at the lowest.

Last Wed when I got home and sitting in the driveway, D11 came out and handed me mail - W retained atty for MSA.

Before I go on my sitch's are under "My Story" and HELP W is planning something. I do admit there are issues that I have, had and brought to our M but everything went downhill when she engaged in a "friendship" in late Oct 2006.

She is really laying everything on now, Asking for 989.00/mth CS, Wants me to pay 1200.00mth for mortgage which would leave me w/ next to nothing - I am seeing a very competent martial atty tomorrow but was wondering if she can actually get away with this in NY.

She is saying she wants to stay in the house for 6mths then put it up for sale, Any deficiency we split 50/50 but any net proceeds she will keep.



Oh she is really trying to stick it to me as far as visitation w/ D11 and S10.
3 nites a week from 3:30pm - 5:30pm and shegets the majority of holidays w/ kids, Every other weekend from 3:30 Fri - 9:00am Sun.

Has anyone ever heard of such junk?

She can ask for anything, but really, depending on the state - or if you have a pre-nup, the assets will be split 50/50. Does she work now? Will spousal support be an issue? Definitely get yourself a good attorney. Go for at least 50/50 custody so no child support money changes hands (besides the fact you get to be with your kids more than what she's offering).

well, i live in ny.
she can try to put whatever she wants into a sep agreement but you don't have to sign it! get a good attorney and state, bottom line, you will give her what she is entitled to under ny state law and nothing more. with 2 children she is entitled to 25% of your income after fica for support. if she works and makes close to what you do, that figure may be lowered. depending on how long you have been married (if over 7 years) she will be entitled to a portion of your retirement. unless you can prove that she is a bad mother, like really bad, she will get the kids but you can have joint custody with placement with her. you will need to keep the kids under your insurance if that is where they are now. I PAY THE MORTGAGE. my ex left and i could not in any way shape or form legally force him to pay any of the mortgage payment. believe me, i tried. but, all he has to do is refuse to pay and then you lose the house. so no, she cannot force you pay on the mortgage. all you should have to pay is child support, possible alimony if she was a sahm, possibly she may be entitled to some of your retirement, and you keep her and the kids on your insurance if that is where they are now, until there is a divorce. you will also need to divide up personal property. you can be as specific or vague as you would like about that in the sep agreement.

also know that a sep agreement is a CIVIL matter so if either of you decide not to abide by it it has to go through civil court. it is a contract you are signing and one must sue the other one if it is not abided by. family court will not use a sep agreement as written in stone. our sep agreement gave me placement of the kids. when my ex tried to take the kids from me and we had to go to family court, the sep agreement did not even come into play. and again, when we went to support court when i decided to have his cs garnished, the sep agreement was not considered binding, the judge could have cared less. the sep agreement will help when you go to get a divorce however. if no one contests what is in it, after one year of living apart and having that signed agreement, it can just be rolled right into a divorce.

good luck
mlhb

A lot of attorneys have a stategy of asking for "more" then what they expect to get, so they ask for x dollar amount, they really mean 2/3 or 1/2 ok?

I saw the atty and she said that the atty my W is using is basically an idiot. Doesnt know how he came up w/ support figure. She cannot force me to pay the mortgage.

Financially I feel comfortable, But as far as visitation/custody my individual self needs work if W were to be vindictive. 2 DWI'S one in 99 and one last year and I have been trying to work on myself on that issue.

Also in early Jan she filed a police report but never followed through w/ RO - Says she knows how much my kids mean to me and I did disclose against my better judgment that I saw the SA and by the looks of it she was being tough.

She says if I do still love her that I will give her space and give her the S but I can't - My atty also told me that unless papers were served or I receive a summons that I do not have to disclose or answer anything.

Thank You all for taking time, In a way I am starting to repost in infidelity again b/c Mon night W talked w/ me and asked me what I would think if she said she thought she made a mistake.

We spent some time together - But Tues was a tough day we were still talking but she blamed conversation on being emotional due to her "monthly" - I will explain more in Infidelity - GQ

Thanks so much I was scared for more reasons than losing my M but some of those were answered.

How would anyone deal with this, Mon night was a eye opener W wasn't home and it was getting close to 7:30 or 8:00pm and I asked kids if they wanted to go out to eat.

D11 called her mother who said she would be home soon, I tried to get them out of the house b/f she got home b/c the previous Wed I got home from work and before I was out of the car my daughter handed me an envelope, W had retained an atty to draw up a MSA and I figured that we were heading towards the inevitable.

Well W pulled in driveway b/f I could get kids out of the house, I tried hiding in a room where she would usually just walk past and at that point hoped she would or gve an excuse to the kids that she was tired or didn;t feel well enough to go w/ us.

Well she didn't and searched me out, Asked if I didn't want her to go which I replied she could if she wanted and told her that she owed me 1/2 the money I spent on a new thermostat that afternoon.

Went out to the car and waited, She followed shortly after but w/o the kids - Stood next to the passenger side just looking at me and I rolled down the window and she asked me what would I think if she said she thought she made a mistake, I asked what she meant the last 6mths or retaining an atty - Her response was both.

At that time - I said I don't know what to think and mentioned that if she said that b/f last Wed I would be ecstatic but now very confused. I didn't get all excited or jumping for joy on the outside but inside I was elated.

She walked over to my side of the car and asked if she could do something, Then leaned in and kissed me like it was our anniversary. I responded but still kept my composure.

We all went to dinner and had a nice time, I kept conversation light and easy, Trying to not make much eye contact w/ her but could tell she was looking at me and not like she had for the last 5-6 mths.

After dinner we went to the house, Got the kids ready for bed and we talked a little - She told me she still loved me and a few more embraces and kisses when she said that I didn't have to sleep downstairs anymore.

I was still not getting my hopes too high and tried askig questions to see where she was at. I became a little comfortable and decided to let myself go.

Got my stuff from downstairs, Came up kissed her good night and held her hand until she fell asleep.

I feel asleep but woke up after a 1/2 hr or so, Had a hard time going back to sleep and a car alarm was going off for 1/2 hr or more - I stupidly went back downtairs.

Went to work and I was the happiest I have been in awhile, Still lept my appt w/ atty and she told me that I was under no obligation to provide any info. Called W to see if she would be open for lunch - She wasn't as open as Mon night but not the way she has been either said she couldn't.

Went home early and W was home w/ D11 who was sick, W wasn't taking back what she said but said she may have been emotional b/c of her period, We talked for hours and at the end said if I did love her that I would allow the S to proceed to see if she just not feeling like that b/c of not wanting to tear things up or that she truly was still in love.

Wed and Thurs alien W returns, semi cold and distant. I had wrote her a long letter at work telling her how I felt and that I could not give her the S, After what had happened asked her if she was going to file for D she said it was up to me - I take it that she meant that if I gave her an S that she wouldn;t go for D.

Thurs tried talking to her after work about some things and I asked again, What made her change her mind after Mon - She mentioned that b/c I didn't stay in our bed that she thought I wasn't happy - I explained my reasons and again said that I loved her, cared for her etc - She also said she wanted the S to see if she is/was staying for right reasons, Instead of for finances and kids.

Asked her to think of us seeing a MC instead of going through the painful process of tearing everything apart.

Can anybody please give their opinion, She had said she was tired of being angry, tired of hating me and not wanting to hurt me. I explained that I was coming to grips w/ the S b/f Mon but now the hurt is starting all over again.