Hi all, I haven't posted in a long time and I see lots of new names here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> and for that I am sad. But for those who might recall our story: my husband had one affair in 1997 and a second affair in early 2002 that went on until I found out about it in June of that year.

Long story short, he ended the affair and we reconciled. It took a few years to get past all of the pain, but we are going to celebrate our 25th anniversary this year with a Caribbean Cruise. Yes, you can and will get over it in time, as long as you can forgive your spouse and, just as importantly, the OP. I was thinking the other day at how infrequently I even THINK about the affairs or the OW. It was a liberating thought.

Anyway, I figured OW and her husband wouldn't make it like we did because her husband was always holding the affair over her head and being very emotionally abusive to her. But, oh, well, we moved on.

Then today the doorbell rings and this guy is standing there. He looked like one of the guys who recently did some repair work on our house and I was worried that we bounced a check or something! He asked to see my husband and I could tell my husband didn't know who it was, either. The man said, "it's been a long time, can we step outside?"

Then it hit me. This is OWH! I almost fainted. The last time we "talked" was four years ago and we never met in person. My husband called OWH to apologize for all of the pain and suffering he had caused him and his children. OWH was not ready to hear it and ripped into my husband. Thank God they were on the phone or it might have become physical.

That was in the summer of 2003. We have had no contact since then.

OWH told my husband he now wanted to accept my husband's apology because he needed to let go and move on. My huband, needless to say, was shocked. My 19-year-old daughter was peering out her bedroom window to make sure OWH didn't pull a gun or knife or something!!! We were all so surprised.

They chatted for about 10 minutes. He told my husband that he and his wife are doing much better and that she is happy now. So in their way, they've patched things up and moved on. Now he can really put this all behind him.

So for those of you who wonder when the pain will end, I guess it all depends on how you handle it and how soon you can forgive your spouse and the OW/OM. It also depends a lot on how reassuring and transparent your spouse is for your sake. It does get better. Love does return. And it can be a sweeter, more precious love when you get past the pain of the betrayal.

I know. I speak from lots of experience.

Hugs to all who remember me!!

Wow...thanks for posting that. It's always good to hear of light at the end of the tunnel.

I recently exposed to OWH via express mail which was signed by a secretary and round filed for all I know. The packet included handwritten 'soulmate' letters from OW to WH and a letter of apology from WH to OWH and numerous unopened trinkets she had sent WH. Nothing was ever acknowledged by OWH, but OW sent a thank-you email saying OWH brought the packet home and she threw it away. She lies so I still may never know if OWH read it or not. (I do wish I had told him about their multiple phone-sex sessions, but I had no proof, so I did not include that.)

My H and I have started a recovery road that already is far better than the sorta M we had pre-A. At times I want to rub it in her face.....but I vent to my journal (or on MB) and my revengeful urges go away temporarily.

Thanks for this post Snowbelle. Not sure if I look forward to the same happening for us or not but at 6 weeks post delayed exposure, I'm hoping it will be awhile til we find out.

Ace

sdguy, there is always hope and whatever light there is can grow day by day. Never give up, because if you give up then you are finished.

Ace, it is hard not knowing if OWH saw the stuff you sent or not, but with time you'll find you could care less.

Time truly is a great healer. We just wish Time wouldn't take his durn old time!!! LOL!!!!

~ Snow

That was really an inspiring post Snow. I'm glad you posted it as it reafirmed some things about forgiveness for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

weaver - forgiveness is a gift you give yourself

Yep it is Carn. It is also a gift we give to others. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> heck it's a gift we give to the universe for that matter.

I'm so glad you were inspired, Weaver. Carn is absolutely right. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves! OWH didn't feel he could move on as long as he was tightly holding onto his hatred of my husband. I think he left here the other day with a huge burden lifted off of himself and the ability to finally let it go and get on with his life.

I was so happy for him. I'm just sad it took this long for him to be able to forgive, but then again, better late than never, eh?