HTW,
I haven't been around much and I was wondering how things are going. I remember you in my prayers daily, I hope you and the kids are doing well. How about an update?


Things contine to progress here, its better everyday! This is the marriage I wanted.....too bad it took an A to shake us up to get here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just wanted to say that I miss you!

I agree with you about the A to shake things up...I look forward to a bright future!

You know I don't remember seeing HTW around...HTW, if I'm just missing you GET THE 2X4's after me! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

CC & S4B, I almost missed your post as I don't visit here very often anymore and when I do, I just like to read up on some of the other threads. I guess I needed to take a break from all this as it wasn't helping my personal recovery by reading all the hurt and pain. I really feel for all the new posters as I know (as all BS's) what they are going through and how their lives will forever be changed.

As you know, I've been in Plan B for 7 months and apart from my WW's feable attempt to reconcile back in November it has been very quiet. Maybe she was just fishing to see if I was still available to her or maybe she got scared...I don't know.

I haven't spoken to her or seen her during all this time with the exeption of a quick glance during the pick up of my kids. Even when I do see her I don't feel anything for her...just some hate, anger and even disgust.

Back in February I sent her a message that "we" are still on the table and haven't heard anything back so that will be my last attempt at sending an olive branch out to her.

I'm almost ready for the D now...I can feel it inside me as I have almost nothing left for her. I guess I let Plan A continue for too long and now there isn't much left to attempt a recovery even if she was 100% committed. I'm starting to see all of her shortcomings and how I really would not tollerate anything less than a loving, kind and respectful partner.

Whenever she does try to contact me for issues regarding the kids she is generally nice and respectful. I still want nothing to do with her while we are separated.

My kids are fine, however they miss their mother at times when they are with me, especially my DD. I just can't understand how a mother could live with not seeing her kids for half of the time. The justification and rationalization must be thick.

I now see what Plan B is so important as I hate to think what a perpetual Plan A would do to a BS's self-respect and dignity. You really do regain all of that back (and some <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />) during plan B. I can tell you that I will NEVER accept the type of treatment that I tollerated from my WW during her A and much of Plan A....NEVER!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So I'm doing much, much better than 12-18 months ago. It almost seems like a distant dream at this point.

HTW

P.S. CC, I'm so happy to hear your recovery is progressing well as you certainly deserve that from your FWH. Did you ever find out what turned him around and made him committ to the M again as I'm interested in this.

HTW, it is so good to hear from you! I can relate to how you are feeling in regard to WW...I feel the same way about STBXH...

I will always love him in the fact that we made two wonderful children together but outside of that...I don't hold anything else for him...I firmly believe that there is too much damage to repair at this point...TOO much history...

I am thrilled to hear that you and your kids are doing so well...it adds hope to my sitch!

I can honestly say that I understand how it feels to cut your loses...up until Feb. I couldn't understand that...

Like SL has said to me, you are a MB success story, just as believer and so many others...

keep up the great work...I'm proud of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(((HTW)))
Thanks for checking in! You sound good! I'm glad. Plan A is not easy and its certainly not easy living w/ a WS. There were lots of withdrawls from your LB...over that very long period when your WW wouldn't leave. You've grown from this and learned about the man you are and the kind of marriage you want. You have taken a good look at yourself and made changes where you needed. You have your priorities straight.You are not only a good Dad, but you are a good man.

I think thats part of the beauty of the MB plan. There are so many people that I meet that are D. Some are emotional wrecks that live perpetually in the "only ifs..." others are very bitter and angry, blaming everything on Xspouse. Living 1/2 lives, never really taking ownership of their choices. With MB you move thru it and move on.

Where ever life leads...I think you will make the right choices. Knowing what is acceptable and what is not.

As to what turned my H around. I'm not sure. He has a difficult time putting his feelings into words. His actions tell me where his heart is. I don't think its anything that I did or said that got through to him. The foundation of it I believe is that he was a good man to start with. A wonderful H and father. I believe he was in the midst of a midlife crisis. But in his core that good man was there. I think he had to come to the conclusion for himself that this is where he wanted to be. That his family was truely more important than ANYTHING. Besides the crisis and the drama I was pretty much the same, I didn't change my appearance all that much, I didn't change the kind of person I am. I don't think he wanted to lose the kids. When his Dad got sick I think that just reinforced how important family is. His Dad illness was bigger than all the problems we had, it kind of put things in perspective.

I was at the point where you are knowing what I was willing to tolerate and what was not longer acceptable. If he had not come around I would have walked away and not looked back and gone through the D, not doubting myself. Maybe he sensed that. So maybe I did do something. I am more confident. I found myself.

We also happened to fall into the MB timeline. Recovery did not begin until about 6months of NC w/ OW. NC started about 2 years after A started. Luckily I was able to preserve some love left in the LB. I don't know how long I would have been able to hold on. I was really able to invision a life w/o him...and looking forward to it.

But here we are...reconnecting, enjoying eachother's company. I don't walk on eggshells anymore. He listens when we talk. We make eyecontact. He shows his appreciation for the things I do. I smile when I realize its him on the phone. Life is good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />