This sitch reminds me of spacecase's. His WW had her A with a violent convicted felon. He was sent up for something like 15 years even.

It took quite a while, several years actually, before she sorted out the obvious.

Space had moved on by then, and was no longer interested.

And he is happy.

You can be too, VR!

with prayers,

VR,

I still would advocate one more round of exposure to her family of what you have recently found out to alert them to what a scumbag this OM is and what he did to her. They may not be interested in helping you save your M, but they may be interested in breaking up her relationship with OM to protect her (or they might want to enact their own form retribution for hurting their daughter). This would serve to more quickly kill the A and make the OM want to cut and run. That way if you did get back together after plan B, your plan B wouldn't have to be nearly as long.

VR:

I realize you don't have much in the way of resources, but if you did, one possible way 2 meet the court's requirement of spousal support and still help her "hit bottom" sooner rather than later, would be 2 give her the money in a single lump sum.

When my W and I met with a mediator in 2004, and she asked that I pay for her 2 get a PhD, I said I'd be happy 2 give her a lump sum out of the sale of our house (thus making her realize what ELSE was at stake) so that I would have no responsibility for her whatsoever after the DV was final.

And we've been married 31 years. Spousal support isn't an issue. Splitting our [censored] was the only issue. (and I could have argued against the PhD support, because I was working full-time when I got my PhD, so I didn't need her support, and she was having an A with Rat Meat, so wasn't really providing it either).

-ol' 2long

Yea, I am going to do that.

Good, her family may not care enough about you to pressure her to end her A, but they may care enough about her to protect her from this scumbag. They might have thought that this OM might actually make her happy, but now they should realize it isn't you, but rather her that has the problem. BetrayedCajun is going through the same thing, getting the ILs support, because OM didn't want commitment, just some fun, and his WW attempted suicide. That may have started swinging the ILs on his side.

What happened to BC scares the heck out of me. When the OM ends this, she is going to be in a serious world of hirt.