Another rule I also learned: You can't CONVINCE the WH about the OW's WACKINESS. He has to see if for himself...value of PLAN B....

This is soooo true. The times I tried to tell FWH the things I found out about OW, it just made him feel sorry for her.

That's one area where I think I have been successful.
I have been pretty good about not saying anything about MOW.

Even though I want to tell him the stories I am hearing all over town.

Still

You guys must live in a very small town to hear stories about OW. I hear absolutely NOTHING. I have no idea what she looks like, talks like, smells like (I assume trash), anything about her history. I know where her parents live and where she lives, and that she plays organ in a church on the weekends to earn extra money, and she's 28 and single.

The way I see it, there must be either a huge NEEDINESS that this girl has or something else amiss to become engaged in a relationship such as that with a married man, separated or not. My WH probably told her he was not coming back home. I don't want to thread jack though, just wanted to comment on the 'stories' you guys know about OW. I don't hear anything. His friends don't talk to me. I work in the city and commute home to the 'burbs.

Silent,

I live in a pretty small town. I also don't really know what she looks like...have only seen her from a distance. I have had her described to me by friends. She's not that great looking long dark hair with dark complexion.

I did meet her once about 2-3 years ago when she first started working for my WH. But I don't really remember what she looks like. I guess she made a big impression on me.

I know people that know her or her friends and that's how I hear things. Also others that don't know her are hearing thing also. I guess we are the soap opera of my town.

TJ over.

Can't wait to hear more of your story PM

Still

No I live in a big metropolitan area - Dallas, Fort Worth. I only found out what I did by looking at court records. Plus, things my FWH would let slip... I didn't SEE OW for a long time, but that'll come up in my story later.

When I arrived at the hospital, I found FWH still in the ER. I can't describe the emotion I felt when I saw him laying there bloody from head to toe. His face was cut up and they were picking glass out of his skin and sewing him up. He was conscious and still out of it. They couldn't give him anything for pain because of his blood alcohol level. They had to wait for awhile for that. He kept saying, "Where the F am I? What happened?" They would tell him he was in ER and had been in a serious accident. He didn't believe them.

My MIL and my oldest daughter came to the hospital. Both were angry and disgusted with WH. My daughter couldn't understand how this could be her dad. My youngest son came to visit and he actually turned and ran down the hall crying when he saw his dad. This was my son who rarely shows any emotion. My oldest son was calm but had tears in his eyes. My youngest daughter was a basket case, even though she had been angry with her dad during all of this.

They eventually moved FWH to ICU because he had a lacerated liver and bruised kidneys. That evening when my FWH was a little more coherent (with the help of some good drugs) he held my hand and told me how sorry he was for everything. He said, "I will do whatever it takes to make this up to you and I'll do whatever it takes to make our marriage work." I was elated! That night on my way home I called the local radio station and made a dedication. I told the DJ the story and told her I was on cloud nine. I was SO HAPPY. I was thanking God for answering my prayer. My H was back!

Since I wasn't working I cared for my FWH day and night at the hospital. During his stay I kept watching for OW to make an appearance. She never did but I still had that niggling doubt that she would try and contact him. I never dreamed he would try and contact her because he loved me, and he PROMISED to do whatever it took. I didn't really press my husband for details about everything that had happened because he was so ill. I did notice though that he still seemed distant. (I know now since finding MB that he was actually still fogged out.) I chalked up his lack of affection to his injuries.

During his stay some of FWH's affair-friends (people he ran around with during that time) started showing up at the hospital. One in particular that I really hated, I'll call him Bob, showed up and pretended to act very concerned for me. I hated him the most because he was there the night FWH met OW and had continued to hang out with them. He asked me for a ride home from the hospital one evening. I wanted information from him so I agreed. On the way home I made sure that he knew that our marriage was on the mend and what FWH had said. I did this because I knew it would get back to OW.

He was there for two weeks and we were getting ready to come home. He was eating dinner and actually had a fork of food up to his mouth when the doctor came in and took the fork away from him. It seems the last test they did that morning revealed that his gallbladder had detached in the wreck. They were doing surgery immediately. We were there for another week after that. By the time he left my husband looked like a skeleton he had lost so much weight. It was awful.

Finally he came home. I was SOOO ready for that. Finally we could begin to heal our marriage! boy was I wrong. This is the part where I major screwed up!! worse than ever before.

A couple of important things I left out...

Right after Christmas my car was repossessed because I couldn't make the payments. So there I was-- husbandless, jobless, carless, and about to be homeless. My FWH helped me get another car, a slightly used Saturn with only a few miles on it. This will be significant later on.

Also, while my husband was in the hospital I filed a Non-Suit on our divorce. Because he had signed a waiver he didn't have to sign off on the non-suit. The non-suit basically took the case off the books. A new divorce would have to be started if that's what we chose. I didn't tell my husband until later what I did.

Princess Meg, you sure know how to keep an audience in suspense. Have you ever considered writing novels?

Chris

I can only do this in small doses... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I actually have thought about writing but I think I'm too impatient when it comes to elaborating on the details. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

But thank you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

PM,

It's so intriguing to hear about your struggles, the depths of your despair, your devastation of your lifestyle and quality of life and your subsequent perseverance. It helps to know you must have been successful in spite of being more late, backwards and wrong than I was recently.

Thanks,
Ace

PM:

Take your time.

Let the details come to you.

It is very therapuetic to write it down.

But take your time.

Our anticipation can wait!

((PM))


LG

keep going kiddo

good stuff here

Thanks LG. I think I will slow it down a little because there are things that I want other BS on here to read and recognize in themselves. I want them to see my mistakes and perhaps avoid a lot of the grief I pretty much brought on myself.

Someone described earlier a ship without a sail (or something like that) just drifting to and fro. That absolutely describes me during that terrifying storm in my life. I was tossed and turned and thrown time and time again and nearly sank once or twice. I'd ditched my anchor (God) and my sail (my husband) was broken and torn and looked like it could never be repaired.

thanks Pep...

Communing with the AFFAIR FRIENDS-dead giveaway of insincerity, lack of knowledge of need for NC LETTER, listening to his WORDS without backing up with his ACTIONS, failure to take EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS TO PREVENT CONTACT....

Some of the MISTAKES, am I right????

Yes. Had I known about NC letters, I would have insisted. When I would express my dislike of affair-friends, he would defend them with "They haven't done anything to you. They're just being my friend."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I finally got to bring my H “home.” I waited on him hand and foot, took him to the doctor, gave him medicine. We were really struggling financially by this time because my H obviously couldn’t work. I was keeping the lights on with my web work but it was getting serious. My youngest daughter, who was 16, was acting out. She was having trouble in school, getting suspended, not wanting to go. My youngest son, who was 17, was doing okay. I was carrying the load for the whole family financially. I began to look for another job as a paralegal because things were so bad.

I asked him about the night of the wreck. He wasn’t with OW. He was with someone else. He went home with someone from the bar and they stayed up all night (at least from 2:00 a.m. on) drinking. He swore nothing happened between them and that she was a b*tch. He said that’s why he left. He was PO’d because she was so into herself that that was all she talked about… herself. He just wanted to get away. He didn’t remember anything after that. I had a hard time believing that one.

A couple of weeks later I finally asked him what happened to OW. He said that he thought it was pretty much over between them thanks to me. (He was blaming me for the demise of their relationship.) I asked him about contact and he finally admitted that he tried to call her from the hospital! I was so angry. I immediately went to the phone and picked it up and said, “Here, let me dial the number for you, you can call HER to come and get you and take care of you!” He freaked. I didn’t call her but I was so hurt. He told me he was depressed and that he needed to talk to her one more time just to tell her goodbye and that it was over. He left and went to her house. I was home pacing the floor wondering what was going on. He came back and said it was done. They were finished. He told her that he had made mistakes and was going to work on his marriage with me. He was choosing me. I was so happy. It was REALLY over.

During my H’s medical recovery, there was no SF—obviously. We slept in the same bed but I couldn’t even touch him because of his injuries. I sooo much wanted to be held. I knew nothing about “withdrawal.” I thought since he was home, the switch had flipped. There would be instant love, affection and caring. We would be like newlyweds. I was wrong. My H was in pain not only physically, but emotionally. I tried and tried to get him to talk to me about everything that had happened. I wanted details. I demanded details. We began arguing. He called me crazy and to just let it go. It was over, he was home.

Then my car burned up.

Holy Crappers! Even though YOU did not follow MB, your WH followed the wayward script, so far...

That thing about needing to meet with OW to say 'goodbye' that was my WH's lunch with OW to tell her that they REALLY couldn't see each other anymore (even though he had already stated that a week earlier) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

She cried and was upset, but said she would stay away. Then she would start calling him, to tell him how hard this was for her, and that she knew it could never be. Then WH told me he wanted a D, and DIDN'T WANT to let her go. Thus False recovery #2 with OW#2 (False recovery #1 was post OW#1). Seriously, someone needs to write the wayward SCRIPT and post it. We can all then fill in the details.