My H asked the EXACT SAME THING..more than once...WHERE IS THAT SCRIPT????

So it must be a GOOD THING..that they are having a hard time letting go and wanted us to DO THE WORK..

My response was similar to yours but being HERE at MBers..unlike YOU..I responded WITHOUT THE CRYING, BEGGING, AND PLEADING...which the WS finds to be UNATTRACTIVE..they respond to DIGNITY AND RESPECT..so I recall CALMLY (on the outside) telling him that "I WOULD NOT LET HIM GO"..YET...(until PLAN B)...

For those wishing to learn from Meggy's mistakes...

THE ART OF WAR: Don't share your TACTICS and STRATEGY with the ENEMY...

Meggy..too much "IN YOUR FACE" with WH and OTHER WOMEN...

LAY LOW IN THE TRENCHES....

I agree Mimi. That is part of my regret-- that I wasn't more calm and dignified. Pre-affair if I'd heard of someone behaving like I did, I would have called that person "pathetic." Now if I heard of someone behaving that way, I would understand, share my story and then guide them to MB.

Laying low, silentlucidity is...

Sis I can tell you now. There is no love lost but I don't HATE her anymore. I feel sorry for her. She's a lost soul who needs serious help. And even though it's hard to admit and as much as I despised her, God loves even her. I HAD to forgive her in my heart or I couldn't move forward in my life. I would be STUCK on hating her and that hate would color everything for the rest of my life.

Even if our marriage had not recovered, I would have eventually forgiven her, OW2 and FWH. I know this because when we got to the point right before reconciling, I had already started down the path of forgiveness, letting go, and letting God. Just took me awhile to get there.

I don't think THAT MUCH about the OW anymore..

I was OBSESSED for awhile there...

But, ME, I'm not going to personally FORGIVE HER until she asks for MY FORGIVENESS...

Until that happens, until the day I die, she will ALWAYS BE MY ENEMY...

I do PRAY for her..that she asks the LORD for FORGIVENESS and finds and seeks HIM in order to be SAVED...

Thanks meggy and mimi.

I very seriously question if I will EVER get over the hatred (yes, absolute hatred) I feel for RT. She was plotting against me while she pretended to be my friend, had meals at my home, complained about her husband to me, used my kids as cover for the A, had me tossed you know where, made sure that the charges weren't dropped, flaunted her relationship with my husband in public by working at the coffee shop around the corner; she destroyed my family.

I truly think of her as evil, and I hate her. I really do. I also think she is twisted and wrong and I feel pity for her children.

But this is something that I don't know how I will ever get past. It is such a huge, ugly feeling...I wish I could just carve it out of me like a tumor. I know that I need to deal with this in a big way because it is UNHEALTHY...

Blech.

Sorry...TJ over.

lil sis, read the book "facing your giants" by max lucado.
it talks about this very stuff.
it helped me a lot.
i still cringe when i think of ow, but i am much better than i was. and am slowly continuing to get better.

we can forgive as god asks us to, but it does not mean we forget and it does not mean we would want this person in our lives or anywhere near us!

read it, i love max lucado
mlhb

I can forgive OW. I am a very forgiving person, and, usually, very FORGETFUL. This I WILL NEVER FORGET.

I also agree with Mimi, sometimes I need the OP to ask for forgiveness for their horrific sin, sometimes, you know they will never ask (as with my father). Either way, I'm right with the world.

Please tell how you got him back home! I can't wait! If this can work out, maybe mine can too! I want to know the keys to working out my sitch.

SL:

I agree that the OW will probably NEVER have the OPPORTUNITY to ask for my forgiveness. She could it she wanted to though. I'm easily accessible for those who want to find me. Given that she never will ask, I do not have plans to EVER FORGIVE HER...

But as you say..it's FINE with ME to NEVER FORGIVE HER...

Hi Princess,

Thought we might see Installment 13 on Priday the 13th....LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How's it going? Again, your H's willingness to share later is encouraging to my H. Thanks!

Ace

But as you say..it's FINE with ME to NEVER FORGIVE HER...

I agree with this one Mimi

I can forgive whomever I choose. I choose not to forgive someone that I never really knew (my father, OW#1, OW#2). I don't have to forgive, but I do have to carry no hate in my heart. There are not the same animal.

I carry no hate in my heart for anyone; again, HUGE on the empathy. I actually, physically hurt when others hurt, and I RAGE when I feel others' rage.

I need to forgive myself and carry no hate, so that is what I choose to do. If I have someone asking for forgiveness or needing forgiveness, that is when I search myself for the answer. I usually forgive those who have strength enough to face their mistakes or demons.

I, however, will never be able to forget this part of my life.

My FWH was drifting deeper and deeper into the dark side. His new friend Greg turned out to be quite a character. He was into drugs and prone to fits of violence. He was going through a nasty divorce himself. FWH told me that Greg would go into deep depression or get very angry about his situation. One day, WH came home (to Greg’s house) and Greg had put holes in the walls and trashed his kitchen in a fit of anger. Greg was always threatening to kill himself.

FWH went out one night to his favorite place. I showed up and we ended up arguing. I left and went home. The phone rang at 2:00 in the morning and my voice mail picked up. The next morning I woke up and there were like 15 VMs on my phone. The first one was FWH who was being stopped by the police for DWI. He left his phone on and I heard the whole thing. Yep, they took him to jail. He called me over and over again from the jail that night begging me to come and get him. I got up the next morning and bailed him out. He came home for a couple of days but begin staying away more and more again. I would ask him if he was going to meet JM. I finally said no more. Go back to Greg’s. He did.

FWH got angrier and angrier about our DD being pregnant by her boyfriend. He told me one day that he “had people” that were going to take care of him. I actually laughed when he said this because FWH doesn’t have a violent bone in his body. Looking back though, and thinking about the crowd he was running with, it was possible that he had discussed it with “people.” He got to the point where he said he would never have anything to do with our DD again OR her baby.

DD was having a hard time as well. She was lost and so angry at her dad. She said she hated him and never wanted to see him again. There was no way in he$$ he was ever going to see his grandbaby.

My youngest son had moved back in but had been out a few times with his dad and JM (OW#2) and had even gone to her house. That really upset me. I asked FWH what he was thinking? What kind of morals was he teaching our son? Of course that just went right over his head. I told my son how I felt about it and he told me I just needed to get over it. Why didn’t I just move on like dad has? DS’ buddy came over a few times and apparently had been to JM’s house with DS. He told me not to worry that she looked like a boy and had weird hair.

One day FWH asked to meet me. I went to our meeting place which was right around the corner from Greg’s and waited for him… and waited… he was late. It turned out he needed help making his truck payment. At first I refused but he pleaded with me to help him. I even went as far as to drive away. But I got down the road and decided that I would help. I called him back to meet up again and I gave him the money. Later that morning he called me panicking. His trailer that he kept parked at Greg’s house had been stolen with all his landscaping equipment. I asked him if he’d seen it the night before when he was home and he said it was there. The police said they’d take a report but there really wasn’t much they could do. FWH was despondent.

I started getting suspicious about some things. I had a gut feeling that FWH wasn’t being completely honest with me. (Can we say duh?) I was right. My DS admitted to me that FWH wasn’t living with Greg and hadn’t been for some time. He was living with JM. He was living with her the day his trailer was stolen. (That's why he was late, he was coming from her house!) He was living with her the day he asked me for money.

I was… I can’t describe the pain. I felt like a fool. I was hurt worse than ever. I imagined the two of them laughing at me. I was angry! Angrier than I'd been during this whole ordeal.

Your FWH is STILL ON THE SCRIPT in the story..My H moved in with the OW,too..in what I CALL.."THE GHETTO"..but when her rough crowd came over, my H took to the BACK ROOM...She wanted him to "HANG OUT" with them...lots of boozing and WHATEVER <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Thing is, Meggy, they have to REACH THEIR BOTTOM, right???

You know about stuff that I probably never learned about...'cause I was in PLAN B...

THE VALUE OF PLAN B...

NEVER loan the wayward $$$

NEVER bail the wayward out of jail

NEVER trust the waywrd to tell the truth

AMEN!!! BSes of the World..BELIEVE US!!!

I know mine drove drunk at least a couple of times while in his A(s)...he just didn't get caught. Lucky him. OR is that...lucky me...

OW is always drinking and then driving home, accourding to my WS... I'm hoping one day she'll get into an accident and take herself out after one of her drinking sessions...haha.. does that make me a bad person? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />