princessmeggy, I'm hangin in like that cat in the poster.

I feel so stupid for losing it, and may have pushed him away with my email, which I only regret a little. I set things back, but I was bursting at the seams.

I so miss my honey. I miss him emmensely sometimes. I wish him no harm, and I hope, at least for our son's sake, that he pulls himself together to a respectable level. I dunno, I hope.

PM...

Thank you so much for sharing your story...You are a blessing to MB...Just wanted you to know that...

I'm also hopeful that your husband will post someday...I know that he too would add much to this community...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Wow, I'm waiting for the book or the movie to come out. An inspiring story for all MB'ers. Loved the part about God breaking him, starting with the feet... LOL

Thanks for sharing!

PM,
Thank you for sharing your story.

It has been hard for me to pray for my WH.

But I do. "Break him"....Wow.

OM,

All I can say is WOW - - and THANKS THANKS THANKS for sharing. I hope you understand, in some small measure, what the generous sharing of your story has meant to so many of us here.

Amazing doesn't begin to describe your journey or YOU!



I about fell on the floor when I read this because it was EXACTLY the same prayer I had just prayed myself for my WH!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Just wanted to pop in and say thanks & continued Blessings to you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I LOVE the way God works! I just posted to your thread asking you if you thought this was coincidence or confirmation from HIM that he was listening. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Meggy:
Thank you for sharing your whole story. I hope you got something out of it, because many of us certainly did.

About hope...

I wonder sometimes if I'd rather that I just didn't have any hope. Wouldn't it just be easier if there was no hope...nothing left to hold on to. It scares me, because I don't want to let go of hope, but holding on to it can pull me into some dark places.

Like a tug-of-war.

Because I just get to a place where I am thinking about me, and how solid I am, and then BOOM, I'm sucked back into thinking about hope. I wish i could just forget...just put it all in a little box and tuck it away....and take it out later...either when I'm DONE and can open the box and throw away the contents, or when recovery knocks on my door.

Arrrgh...I don't quite know what I'm saying.

But I think my anxiety today started when I read meggy's final installment...I have no idea why.

I hate the way I feel so moody...up one day, down the next, anxious the next. I just want the peace and serenity to LAST finally. It always comes back now...at least I can count on THAT much compared to the early days...but I still hate being in a bad place. I'm so sick of it.

Oh Sis, the last thing I want to do is add to anyone pain. I know you get discouraged. Because you're in Plan B, you're not SEEING anything as far as WH is concerned... but trust me. That's a GOOD thing. One thing you are seeing though is your relationship with your boys strengthening and you growing individually. I say... sit back and watch and know that God is God.

{{{Sis}}}

Oh Meggy...I loved your story...I really did! It isn't that...it's my reaction to it that I don't quite understand.

Thank you for your advice...

Thank you, thank you...

...watch me tear up my fears and give them to God...

Meggy,



Oh not just a confirmation - a BIG LOUD SHOUT!! Love it when He does that, don't you?

Princessmeggy,

I just wanted to thank you for your story. I'm so glad that I didn't find it until today when I could sit down and read the whole thing through. I skipped through a lot of the posts from the others so I could keep reading and keep my mind focused on what happened. It sounds like the kind of drama I've been through since last February with DD (short for double d - his nickname). A couple of months ago I finally told him not to contact me again because things were so bad. I finally realized that the only time he would call me was when the other women were busy with something else. He'd make a point of telling me that he was at home watching a movie "alone". I just started staying away more and more because it would hurt so bad when I'd be with him and then the next day I'd mean nothing to him again (because he had someone else).

Less than a month after I broke it slam off with him he had asked another girl to marry him (he moves too fast, doesn't think - he's a sex addict and has control issues he hasn't dealt with yet and I also believe he has alcohol trouble even though he has repeated that he could quit any time he wanted to). It hurt so bad to break up with him that I couldn't get him out of my head so I started praying for him every time he crossed my mind; but I also started praying for the Lord to take him out of my mind and let someone else do the praying for him - I didn't want to anymore because it hurt so bad. Well, when I finally came to the point that I didn't pray for him anymore things started going downhill for me. I started back to some of (not all of) my old drinking habits. I just recently started seeing things in myself that I didn't like again. After reading your thread here it helped me see that it must still be in me to pray for him. I know I haven't been able to date anyone else. This is the first time in my life that I've ever wanted to stay away from men all together. I don't know what God's up to in me, but I've finally given in and started praying for him again. Before I was just praying for his eyes to be opened and be healed, but I believe the way you put it sums it up pretty good. Lord break him and heal him. It really irked me one day when I received an email from him (after he met & told me about this other girl and how she was perfect and didn't have any issues that he knew of) that said he had started going to church with his parents and looked forward to it and that he had prayed for her on his path to life and that God sent her to him and that when you are down to nothing God is up to something - of course it was a forward (while he was still calling me over and sleeping with me - he wouldn't break it off with either one even though he was in church and supposedly doing God's will). The last time I was in the counselor's office she asked if he had tried to contact me again and I told her no. And I certainly haven't tried to contact him. But any time I actually let my feelings of wishing I had a man in my life again, for some wierd reason, no other man will do. I can sit and try to imagine the best of circumstances and I can't throw him out. If he could have dealt with his issues, things were wonderful when thry weren't busting out.

I do feel a little lost right now and don't even know what to pray anymore. I still cry my eyes out about him because I know how wonderful it was when he wasn't trying to be controlling about everything and wasn't pushing for porn sex from me. (he was emotionally and sexually abused as a child and never learned to really connect with women in any other way except sex - the counselor says there is a lot of disrespect for women in him - it comes from abuse from his mother).

I haven't heard from him in about five weeks now, thankfully. I don't think I could have handled anymore communications with him. He even suggested our last time on the phone that we be F buddies. I told him no, that he knew I couldn't be that way.

Right now my face is dry and salty for all the crying I've been doing today. As much as you've been through, any words of encouragement in any way would be greatly appreciated.

I know God can work miracles, I just wish He'd send one my way of either breaking DD and healing him (he is still going to the counselor), or putting him out of my heart all together and having the thought of dating and getting married again one day be a positive factor.


Thanks,
RMW

Sorry RMW, I just saw this reply on my post…


Sweetie, thank GOD that you are not married to this person. He is a user and an abuser, problem childhood or no. You can’t fix him. Only God can do that and until or if He does, I would stay as far away from this guy as possible. It would be a MAJOR mistake for you to hook up with him—much less marry him—unless there is a MAJOR miracle of healing in his life… and this doesn’t happen overnight. It will take YEARS. I’m going to pray that God takes him out of your heart and that you can move on to a normal, well-adjusted Christian relationship.

(((RMW)))

RMW-
I feel lead to post to you here, I hope that is OK with Meggy!

As I read your words a couple of things stood out to me.


First of all, it is great that you have reached a point in your life where you "want to stay away from men altogether" For right now, that is exactly what you need in order to find healing. You are not ready for another relationship right now. You need some time to be good to yourself, to heal. It is clear to me that the Lord has stepped in an taken away your desire for another reltionship for a while. You will eventaully desire another R, with a helathy, storng, Christian man. But for now, please take good care of yourself!

Please understand that just because you have no desire for another man, that does NOT mean you are supposed to go back to your Ex. Your R with your Ex was a comfort to you at one point. It was steady, and you knew what to expect. Now you find your life has been turned compeltely upside down, and I am sure that your heart longs for stability, for comfort, for something you used to feel. it is ok to want a "normal" life again. But read through your own post. your ex is NOT the stable, strong, comforting man you need. He is a porn addict, with no desire to change. he is twisting the word of God around to meet his own desires. Please recognize this for what it is.

When it is time for you to move into another relationship, you will find the desire again. But now just isn't the time. Get busy with activities. Sing in the church choir. Take a class. Volunteer. spend your time doing positive things that help you heal. And somewhere along the way the Lord will show you another man, who will not expect you to learn to like porn sex just becuase he doesn't want to relate to you on a closer, more intimate level.

My Ex is a porn addict also. After 18 years of marriage I figured that was just how all men were, how all marriages were, and I just needed to tolerate it.

My new Husband is a wonderful, mighty man of God, who does not look at porn. There are no magazines under our bed, no hidden video tapes, no late night computer sessions. And we have an outstanding, intimate, close, physical relationship.It is WAY better than I ever dreamed.

Hang in there.

Thanks you guys. I know everything you both said it the truth. I had a session with my IC on Thursday. I haven't really been on the computer since Wed. evening. The session went very well and she said I had made a lot of progress. Right now my main focus is school. I start back Aug. 20. It's going to feel funny going to college the same time as my daughter.

I did have two dates this weekend (very unexpectedly) with two different men. On both occassions we met where we were going to eat, talked, and agreed to just be friends for the time. I've been looking for a church to call home so I decided to attend with one of them. I enjoyed it and his family ended up knowing my family. That felt weird. But friends is all I can handle right now and I believe he's in the same boat. I just wish we had more single females around, but living near the army's helocopter training post there aren't many of those to be heard of. They marry off into the army like it was a peice of heaven. (Boy are they in for a rude awakening)
I'd like to have a group of friends to go around and do things with from time to time. Go ride gocarts, play putt putt, got to movies - stuff that doesn't involve a bar. But everyone else is so stuck on dating that there really aren't many around. The ones that are are guys. Eveybody looks funny at that - they all think you are dating if you go somewhere with a male.
I've been a stay at home mom most of my life (more of it than not). I never really started getting out of the house at all until my divorce in 04. Any suggestions on what kind of stuff to look for in volunteer? Or where? I am really totally ignorant to what is out in the world. It took all I could do just to survive raising my kids alone.

Thanks!!!! Sometimes it helps just to know somebody knows you're alive. (My family always has and still continues to act like I don't exist. I've reached out to them to hook up more than once but they never reach back. I'm tired of feeling like a beggar to them.)

Again thanks!!!!
RMW

where should you go to look for places to hang out, and ways to volunteer. You answered your own question!



My own opinion - look for a good, medium size church. A place with activites outside of Sunday morning. But not too big - where you would be lost in a crowd. And when you see activities posted in the bulletin, summon up all your strength and go! It is very awkward the first few times you show up for a function "by yourself" but you will find that there are a lot of single people at church, just like you, looking for people to hang out with.

You are at a great time in your life right now, where you are available to do things that you would not normally have time for. If your church decides to spend a Saturday going to the neighborhood park to clean up, and plant flowers, you can go. You don't have to ask your husband, your time is your own.

I second WOF. Surround yourself with good stuff.

Bumping for a newbie who has asked for my story.

Here it is (well parts of it, lol). I had to take it down for awhile because of my daughter's own custody case, but now that's all done and over (thank God!) I've asked the mods to restore this thread.

Hope this helps the newbies... those who wonder if Plan B is where they should be, and those who have begun to lose their faith.

After reading my story, I hope you see how Plan B would have helped me immensely if I'd known about MB.

P.S. My DH (notice the F is gone) is now a minister, graduated from Bible School as valedictorian, and a wonderful husband, father and grandfather.