I married my wh almost 9 years ago,I had a prescriotion drug and alchol problem,he stuck with me throught it all,until the last relapse,I signed myself into detox,and have been out for over 16 days,which does not seem like a long time,but it is for me,and I live it one day at a time,and alot of meetings
He has beenin al anon for over a year,but still says he can never trust me ever again,I know I need to work on my own receovery,and I pretened like my heart is not broken into two,but it is,he says life without me while I was in detox was very nice,is willing to let me stay here in our home with our 3 small children and him for a year,to get it together,but still wants a defintite divorce at end of year,I hurt so much,and trying to like myself but it is hard when I feel like such a monster for what I did,chosing substances over him and children, is it possible for him to ever remember why he loved in the first place or way too late,he is very stonrg willed,and I expect nothing.thanks

Worrying about what will happen in the next year is not living one day at a time.

Your H is operating on feelings right now, and feelings can and do change.

Why don't you really concentrate on your recovery and take this gift of a year to do your self-work, work your program, practice Plan A and think positively.

You have a whole year, use it wisely.

Iriff,

First and foremost, congrats on getting help. I am an addict with a little over 2 years and 9 months clean. Like others have said a year is a long time and anything can happen so you can't focus on that. I know that in my addiction that I hurt many people, some that will never trust me again and frankly I don't blame them one bit. But again, I can't focus on that. Our focus has to be on living a life of recovery. Those who wish to see that will see it.

You made some references in you other post about HIS sponsor and HIS program of recovery. While you're busy focusing on that and working his program you are neglecting your own. Focus is key. Focus on what you control and that does not include any other people, places, or things. You simply control yourself.

Gratitude is key at this point in your recovery. If you operate out of "Poor Me" or "What is the point if he's going to leave anyway" then as an addict I'm quite sure you'll live up to that expectation. Gratitude generates positive emotions and attitudes. And quite honestly is a lot more attractive than the "Poor Me" attitude.

Call your sponsor DAILY...
Go to meetings.....
Pray....
Meditate....
Read the literature DAILY..
Work the steps....

You're looking at this situation as a negative and frankly I look at it as a total positive. Negative would have been filing for divorce and full custody while you were in detox. Your husband has given you a chance, a gift if you will that by all means you did not earn.

So you continue to work on you and let's let that whole other matter work itself out. One last thought, balance in your life is going to be key. That's a good subject to talk with your sponsor about.....

You are right
thanks,I still have control issues,I want to control everything,i catch it today,and try not to act on feelings
Take care

Good for you, and you take care also.

LostHusband gave some excellent pointers, as did Mel, Appy and the others. I hope you print out both threads and continue to read over them as well as your big book, on your journey to sobriety and mental health.