Hi people. I'm new here and looking for some support,advice, help, or something. I have already spoken to Dr. Harley about my situtation:

I've been married for 7 years now. (1st marriage, anniversary was on 3/25). I have 2 sons: oldest is 12 from a previous relationship and the youngest is 4. My hubby is an alcoholic...a binge drinker. He drinks just about everyweekend....every other weekend if I'm lucky. For a while when he wasn't working it was 4-6 days out of the week. His drinking makes him lie and has led to infidelity. I have kicked him out a couple of times...once was for 3 months. Of course I would take him back with his sincerety of "getting help" and "quitting" (drinking). All times have been lies....he hasn't quit nor gotten any help. We go to marriage counseling a couple of years ago. He just recently told me that he went because he didn't want me to leave him. The longest he would stay alcohol free would be for about 2 months then it would start all over again. He's good for saying "I'll be right back"...then he's off to his partying yet again. The typical time he comes home is no earlier than 3am...somes on Sunday. A couple of weeks ago we had a really good talk about our rocky marriage and what we could do to better it. I told him how I felt: about his lies, drinking, we haven't been on a date by ourselves in 3 years. He said he's quit his drinking and that we'd do more things together. Well that Friday he did take me out to dinner. But, the next day he said "I'll be right back" and didn't show up till the next morning. So, on Sunday (3/18) I told him to get his stuff and get out. He is still out. It's hard because I love him dearly. The other night when he came over my youngest son didn't want him to go. He kept saying please don't go dad, stay....all while holding onto his legs. Of course this brought tears to my eyes and hubby had to tell him to ask mom if I could stay. This made me angry because he knew how I felt about the situtation and he had to put it on me. I said "ok" for my sons sake. Was that wrong to do? I know he's still drinking. I live in a small town and just about all of his friends are drinkers as well. These are people that are also single, have kids and don't take care of them, or are married and just leave their wives at home as well.

How long has it taken any of you (if in this situation) to finally resolve this type of problem? Has your spouse ever gotten help? I know I need help because I feel like an emotional wreck. I know I also need help to better understand alcoholism. How do I stay strong? Do we still do things together as a family/couple even though he's outa the house? Do I let him spend the weekends with us so he's not out drinking? I just don't want him to continue to have is cake and eating it too. Know what I mean? If he's out drinking Tuesday night and Friday night should he be able to spend time with us or spend the night on Sat/Sun?

Thanks for taking time to read about my situation. I would love to hear what you have to say. good or bad.

First and foremost, welcome to Marriage builders. When you get some free time, browse through the "Basic Concepts". That being said, there are some wonderful people here who have been right where you are. They can also tell you from experience that none of the priciples on this site can help your marriage while there is addiction present.

You mentioned that you need help because you are an emotional wreck. Alcoholism is a family disease. It's actually said that the only people sicker than an alcoholic are the people that live with the alcoholic. You also mentioned that you live in a small town. Do they have Al-Anon meetings there or close by? If so, find them and go. If not, search the net, I know they have on-line meetings as well, however, nothing would be better for you than sitting in a room with people who've already walked a mile in your shoes. They can relate. They understand.

As I read you post some things immediately jumped out at me. One of which was an engrained enabling attitude. That has to stop and they can help you with that. As far as the kids are concerned, that's a tough call but you should NEVER put them in danger. On the other hand, you shouldn't punish them for his behavior. It's a fine line.

Lastly, this section of the site doesn't get a lot of traffic. I'd highly recommend reposting this over in the "Emotional Needs" section. You might want to change the title to include "alcoholic" in it so that it catches some of the others peoples eyes.....

Good luck.

Oh and PS.... I'm a recovering addict with 2.75 years clean.....

LH, thanks for the response. I appreciate it. I will also re-post this in the EN section. -NM