Okay, I must have missed the statistic about affairs. I have seen some postings referring to the 3% successful rate for affairs to thrive and survive. Where did that come from? It's ironic that so far it seems we have at least 3 men (shattered, Chris, myself) whose wives appear to be content in their affair with no end in sight. All of our wives have moved out and are deep into emotionally intense affair. What are the odds of that?

That's not very inspiring I think mine is teetering.

My wife is also one of the 3%. The info comes from a book titled "Private Lies" by Dr. Frank Pittman. It's a very good read in fact I just loaned it to a friend who knows of someone following the same path.<BR>mkn

izzy,<P>I can imagine how frustrated and depressed you must be. Who knows what the real number is. I know that us guys are far out numbered on this board by the ladies. I believe that is primarily due to the fact that women are more likely to seek help for martial problems than us guys. <P>I can only state that a relationship built on deceit is like a house built on sand. There will come a time when your wife and the others will see what they have done. My brother had an affair. He dumped his wife and kids pretty much like Chris wife did. He divorced her and later married this lady. Well, 10 months after they married, things are pretty awful for them. He is in pretty much the same state he was with his first wife whom he chose not to work things out with. He now realizes the devastation he has caused and the lives he has messed up. He is in pretty said shape. He wished he would not have divorced so fast. His first wife waited almost two years for him before finally giving up. She meet someone else is is now engaged.<P>I don't know if that story helped any or not, but I really believe there will come a time when she looks in the mirror and realizes what has happened. I think pride keeps a lot of people from returning home too. <P>Stay stong izzy.<P>SHA

I like the icons.<P>Hi everyone. I just got back from a business trip to Denver so I haven't been able to check out the site.<P>I'm going to start a new thread called the "3% Club". It's for those betrayed that truly and honestly believe that their wayward spouse will NOT return but rather marry their affair partner.<P>I know this sounds defeatist...and I certainly don't mean it to be...but I think there are a select few of us whose spouses are on the extreme end of the scale. You know, those that didn't end their affair upon discovery, moved out to live with OP, has stated publicly that they intend to marry affair partner. You know...worst case.<P>I will volunteer to be the first member of this heinous club.

Thanks Shattered1! Worst case, just what I wanted to hear. H didn't end affair after discovery, although he said he did, moved out 4 months later, is living with OW and when he moved out he asked for a divorce, that was two months ago. Iamtrying my darnest for this not to be in the 3% group. Sorry Ididn'tmean to bite any ones head off. Just feeling a little defensive and unsure andwantingtobe back to normal what ever that is. My life has been normal for a very long time. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hey everyone:: The 3% is those who have had a successful marriage.. There is about a 12% chance that a spouse could divorce and marry the op, but 75% of those fail, and fail fast.. It happens just like Shattered said..... Sometimes it takes the divorce etc.. for the spouses to realize... Statistically there is a better chance that if you divorce, that you will be remarried to your spouse than your spouse will be successfully married to op.. (within 5 years).. I have a good freind who had an affair, divorced his wife, was with ow for 2 years, was engaged.. they both ended up cheating on each other.. My friend re-married his wife,, and has been successfully recovered for 8 years... talk about a success story...

stone, <BR>actually out of 100 couples, (pittman's sample in his book private lies)<P>He said 50% of affairs couples divorced.<BR>But, only 12% (12) actually married OP.<BR>And then 75% of those failied (12*.75)= 9<BR>Thus only 3 married betrayers are left

Don't get too wrapped up in the stats folks. There are a lot of undocumented cases that could skew the results. <BR>The truth is that if the two betrayers end up together and stay together, the marriage is generally not a good one. The same routines and habits surface and it ends up being a long, unhappy marriage.

I too thought that I would be in the 3% club as w was already making plans for future vacations with her, om and our kids. <BR>Then next thing I know, she calling me saying its over, that he dumped her.<P>I asked her yesterday why she had started the divorce papers when he hadn't and she said that it just seemed like the thing to do at the time.<P>I think all the affairs break down when one of those involved realizes that the other isn't as committed, that they are out to have a good time only, or the other is committed as my w was. She too thought she was going to marry this guy. I don't think it was ever in his plans as he never made any move to divorce his wife.<P>Shattered, how long do you thing your w will want to be just a plaything? Won't she eventually want to be more than that ?<P>Aren't women usually looking for commitment more than guys ?<BR>Ladies, can you help me out with that, or am I mistaken ?