anyone have a gps vehicle tracking device they want to sell?

Ex,

Let the fogbabble-attitude-kaka roll off of you. Don't be a wuss on the phone with her, she already doesn't respect you or she wouldn't be doing what she is doing. Harsh? Yes. True? Absolutely. Been there. I respect your post on "working, being responsible, etc". Good man, good attitude.

I agree with you, a bit too early to get all "court-ordered" on her just yet. Focus on your Plan A, focus on you. Be mysterious, let that phone go to VM. Get some new clothes, hit the gym, go do some things different. "Hey, maybe you were right! I do need to get out more. I just don't appreciate your way of letting me know that. You know, sleeping with other people and disrespecting me like that." You don't have to go anywhere - just need to make her think you are. Waywards minds always are their worst enemy, it's amazing. They are so whacked out, it's easy to Jedi-mind trick them when you get strong. You are not their yet, I see me in Month One reading your post. I'd describe it as the "cringe moments" when I look back. I wish I had that magic time machine, I'd go back to the day she left and exhibit my true strength and confidence.

Yes, I would recommend relaxing a bit and not calling her. She'll call you - I guarantee it. Hang up first, works wonders. Always appear busy - and be busy getting a new life and getting happy with yourself.

If you do something you wouldn't do if you truly felt you weren't afraid of losing her, then you are being needy. What would you do if you weren't afraid? I tell you what, when she becomes afraid of losing you things will change. They always do.

It's all about you. You, you, you. There is nothing you can do about her, only things you can do about you. All power and control are gone over waywards. That's your Plan A, making yourself happy, stronger, and the more attractive option. Cut her from your motivations (as hard as it sounds) and you'll strengthen up.

Jayban, Excellent post, I got it. You all make me think! which in turn will make me a better person. I sometimes wish this all just came natural. Anyway, What i got was

1. Let the anger, and negativity a non issue, as if she didn't even say anything. BE A ROCK!!

2. Let Phone go to VC, be mysterious, MAKE HER THINK!

3. GET A LIFE, STAY BUSY

4. Do NOT Call, unless necessary. (jayban) DO you prominse she'll call?

5. Make her afraid of losing ME, do NOT be needy (got it)

6. FOCUS ON ME ME ME!!!

I feel good about reading this post and making to do's of what i need & need not do!

She called to see if i was coming to her parents for easter dinner. I kindly declined and said i would pick up our DD around 4pm. (I wanted to cry this morning not waking up with my DD here for the 1st holiday W/O momma & DD. I thought not going to easter diner might make her think, hey, i'm ruining my family, BS, should be here with us. (or she'll probably think, I invited him, o well. Anyway, HAPPY EASTER TO ALL!! I Hope everyone has a smile on their face and happiness in their heart! Good day all

5.

I Gare-on-tee it. If you approach this stuff with a CALM, CONTROLLED outlook you will be amazed. It all depends on whether you can restrain yourself from calling. When she does call, which she will, be calm and collected. The only control you have is over yourself. Communicate this with actions, not words.

If you don't call, my money is on her calling you. Try it. And the trend will continue if you are successful communicating with her the way are supposed to. Don't tell her you have changed, just change. Don't beg, plead or resort to neediness. Don't sound afraid. Don't sound weak. Sound understanding. Listen.

WOW, I found myself truly laughing for the 1st time in a long time, thanks jayban. you have my word, the calling will stop, unless i need to speak about our DD, in which case it will be short, to the point, and i will hang up 1st.) until then i must be, cool, calm and collect, the 3 c's. and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I must restrain from calling. Right, I know with her words mean nothing ACTION is what she likes. Feels like i have a plan i need to follow. thanx for the coaching. I promise to give back to the world (in a way I know how) what you fine people are doing here with helping save families, lives, and dreams. I will pay it forward. Thanks jayban

I'm a little confused. I feel i need to lead my WW back home. I need to be a leader and step up! But, how can i be a good leader if i am to refrain from calling, or letting her calls go to VM? or making myself mysterious to her?

You can only lead her back home by your actions and words when you have that limited contact. Limited is the key word - you will not be able to restrain yourself from being in contact with her - so, if you restrain yourself the rest of the time you'll be alright. How do you lead her back home when you do have contact with her? For the most part, the only thing that's gonna lead her back home is...her. You have to focus on you, your most consistent actions and changes will not go unnoticed. Don't point em' out, she'll notice them. Take some time and reflect on WHY she left. Believe me, you'll know why between your self-reflection and what hints she will give you (mixed in with fogcr*ap).

Seriously, that's the secret here: She has to make the choice. You have to make yourself the more attractive option. You are not competing with anyone but yourself. It's all about you (for the umpteenth time).

Be the man, the husband, the person you always wanted to be. Starting now. One of my favorite quotes on this site is "It's never too late to be the person you always wanted to be". Well, this is a life changing event for you, you just may not realize it fully yet. Get started, eh?

Read up on Plan A, I'm trying to not be redundant, look it up under "Just found out".

Jayban, I MUST/WILL be able to restrain myself from contact.(other than for my DD needs) why? Because not being the one to call shows:

1. I an not being needy
2. I have self control
3. i'll be mysterious, she'll wonder about me.

How do i lead her back?

* Being upbeat, cheerful, content. Cool, calm & Collected. No R/M talk. small talk / happy talk. BEING CONSISTANT!! I'll deal with the serious talk at a later time, when she's ready, she'll bring it up.

I feel she left b/c of her need for adventure and excitement. Before our child/marriage. I used to take her on the motorcycle in the middle of the night, or always do crazy things like rock climbing/hiking at midngight. I was spontaneous and always ready to go. move forward 3 years---> now we are married and bought a house. I turned this POS house into something very updated and special. hence, the adventure for her stopped. I was finding happiness by making our house nice for her. new kitchen, bathoom, laundry room, hardwood floors, etc. i did everything myself (i'm a contractor) Anyway, then we lovingly decided to have a child. child was born.... motorcyle was soldm, and we bought an RV (family time, or so i thought) what i got from her is she was feeling like a frumpy housewife (she didn't work) Life happened. she said life changed when we bought the house. she's right it did, but i don't regret it. i feel i could have given her more of my time, rather than working on the house, but i thought i was doing this and making her happy, after all she picked everthing out, i just did the work. anyway, that's my short story, the adventure stopped, responsibility, and parenthood took it's place. then when she went out with her friends during the holidays (06') she had a great time, and realzed how much FUN/ADVENTURE was out at the clubs, so it bacame a everyweek thing. (i had an issue with this after the 4th week in a row. i felt it wasn't responsible to come home at 4:30 am, and have to get up with our DD with only 2hrs of sleep. i felt it wasn't fair to our child.

Anyway, "it's never too late to be the person you always wanted to be". ( I like this )

in ending, this is by far the most life changing event i have been confronted with. Before this, i said to myself, if she wants to leave me, then GO, i'll be fine. WOW WAS I WRONG. I know i'd be ok, and eventually find someone else but, there are so MANY other details that i didn't see before this. My Daughter, finance, the house, i just spent all my time rebuilding, not being a DAILY part of my daughter's life, possibly having another man tuck my DD in bed at night, this has also made me realize, HOW MUCH I love my wife, and what my priorities need to be when/if she decides to come home. PRIORITIES!! WIFE & CHILD. Not house, & work. About to go read plan A AGAIN.... thanx Jayban...

Letter to WS (send or not send)?
WS,
I have hope that you believe I totally, completely and unconditionally stand by your side. Through thick & thin, for better or worse, and during our darkest days. I believe in you and still do. I understand your lies, your anger, and accusations. I've watched you walk out on things you once believed in, our marriage, our vows, our trust, & our love. In spite of all this, I see in you, my hopes, my dreams, and our family's future. I can't, nor do i want to see myself without you for the rest of my life. I accept your imperfections, and your need to find other friends, even if you know what your doing is wrong. I accept this. I believe in you and want to help make things right. I am willing to forgive you, and would like you to come home to rebuild our life and make it better than it was before. I know i am not perfect, and i have made mistakes as well. I need you to open up, talk to me, give me answers so i can learn, heal, and help repair the damage between us. I will do my part to make this happen. Can you?
WS, at DD's age she looks at us and sees only the love of a mommy and daddy. She doesn't see us as scared, imperfect or angry. She sees us as her shelter, a safe place where she can laugh, cry, hurt, & be silly. We are her safety net. She will look to us for answers no matter how big or small. Our life has changed the moment DD was born, no matter how much we didn't want it to. We owe her the best chance to learn from us. We owe her unconditional, total and complete love to help her through her journey in life. She will look to us for truth in her life.
I know for a fact when you are with your other friends, you badmouth me, tell your other friends how they do all the right things, make you happy, make you feel alive, do all the things i don't, your new friends may be everything you ever wanted. Of course, your attracted to them, they make you happy. The truth is, if you search your heart, you are not letting me do the things to make you happy. I want to make you happy, I try to, and you justify our separation by saying, "I'm not in love with you anymore". " I don't know what i want". "we have too many differences". You are just telling me this to buy time to spend with your other friends. You give justifications that are so fake. You even search your mind to think of everything that i ever did, no matter how small, how long ago, that was wrong to make you feel good about being with your other friends. You can find many reasons to blame me for you deciding and making a conscious choice to leave our home, and find other friends.(i don't want to here i told you to leave, yes, i have said this, but only during the heat of an argument, never seriously asked you to leave our home) so no more of the "i asked you to leave routine) What we should be doing now is finding every reason to stay together, to come home, and make it right, to be a family again. Loving, supportive, forgiving, and trusting.
We are all weak at some point, I know you may feel pain, anger, frustration, fear, embarrassment, passion, fun, laughter, love, and all the other emotions that come with leaving our home, and finding other friends. Your "other friends" may be filling all your needs, and you may wonder how you ever made it through life without them. The passion to see them may be overwhelming, you can't wait to see them. All this while drifting further and further away from me, and our marriage. Right now you are caught up in the fog. No matter how you justify being with your "other friends", you are tearing a family apart. In fact, your "other friends" are helping tear our family apart. Maybe you even have friends that say they need you and can't live without you, they are the one for you. Maybe they even tell you they can make you happy for the rest of your life. You have been blinded by all this and are willing to give up the family and friends you have created with me. you are spending time, money and energy to build something with "other people" that are exciting to you, instead of spending your time, and energy with someone that knows you and truly loves you. You go out of your way for your other friends, go without sleep for them, leave in the middle of the night to see them, say all the right things to them. Whatever happened to doing these things for me? Instead of just kicking me to the curb, and leaving me to die inside? You have flipped my entire life by leaving our home and emotionally ending our marriage. This isn't right. We've spent years building our marriage also spent years weakening it. It only took one night for you to tear our family apart. If you truly believed what you were doing is right, then you would have made a clear decision to end our marriage, final. End of discussion. Deep down in your heart you still love me, and you know it. But, you don't want to give up the passion and excitement you have with your other friends. Our marriage will never go back to what it was. Now we need to rediscover each other and create a new marriage. This will take some dedication, time, commitment, and energy. It's not as hard as you may think. we will come out of this stronger and more in love than we ever thought we could be. We will create new memories, new routines, a new Life together!

Yes, other than for your daughter's needs refrain from excessive contact with your WW that may be construed as needy. Part of this plan includes being a rock for your DD. She needs you right now, she's counting on you!

On the letter, I would hold off a bit. You will always have this feeling of "There's just so damn much I want to say." Less is better until you mind is calmer. Collect yourself, give it a little time.

You are probably sitting there obsessed about this mess, which is perfectly natural. Contemplating what to say, wishing you had told her this or that, wondering what she thought of what you did say last. I recommend saying more later and less now as you strengthen up. Short conversations with Waywards always go longer than you want in the beginning, and you lose.

Give it a little more time, then review your letter and decide then.

A ROCK!! Yes, my life at this time needs to be about MY DAUGHTER & I. Momma will come aroud when she's ready. Untill then me, me, me. I fear she is trapped, & she will take the easy way out, that's my only fear. But nothing i have control over, (especially until her fog clears) she gets to make her own choices, and deal with the consequences. She's not a person that likes challenges, she'll take the path of least resistance, and i this point it's her "other friends". That doesn't mean later on that I won't be the easier path. although there'll be some recovering to do. you're right hold off on the letter, when i have given letters in the past. she reads them but doesn't say anything about them. (it's as if she hasn't even read em' but i know she has) I'll ask about it, and she'll say " I don't know what to tell you"

Out-damn-standing soldier. Now you are buying in. It is all about you.

If you are a marshmallow from all of this, then you will be worthless for your daughter. She needs you more than you need anything in this world. It goes without saying that you quit living for yourself the day she was born. You live for her now. Unintended consequence? WW sees that her DD has only ONE father. A damn good one who stepped up in the eye of the storm.

Letters? I think they read them. It prolly won't do too much good at this juncture though. So...don't worry too much about all that right now.

You fear she is trapped? There you go fearing again. All choices have consequences. She owns them, not you. You will, during the course of your plan to recover this marriage, remind her of the way back home. You have the eyes on the ground in this situation, keep us apprised of how things are going.

I was (in Plan A) VERY CONSISTENT in my stance regarding my desire to keep my marriage and family together. Much like I was consistent about "I talk marriage, attorneys talk divorce". Be consistent. Stay on message with her. She'll pick up the fact that you disagree with the path she is on.

You may find that the path of least resistance is HOME. Sometimes we have to let that wayward stubbornly trailblaze in search of that greener grass before they will come home.

Ok,So I haven't called her, she has not yet reached out to me. rather the opposite. even when exchanging our DD. She's very short with me, and I sense anger in every contact witrh her. It feels like i can't do or say anything right with her. she treats me like i am not even human. I asked how she like her new job. "it's fine" she replies. Than i messed up. I asked her why she's so short with me, and haven't called at all. this created an argument. to which i said if you can stand being around me, why don't you do something about it, and start the D process. the we just start arguing about how different and bad our marriage is. (I think i need to Refrain from all M talk no matter what the cost is) I don't know what to do, if i don't talk to her, she says, what's the the matter with you, if i do talk, she's angry.

LEGAL ADVICE NEEDED, if anyone can help. The house is in my name. I bought the house before we were married. i have paid for every remodel and every payment. She wants me to put her name on the deed!!! (i don't want to do this, especially if she wants a divorce). she said she feels she is entitled to her share b/c she stayed at home with our daughter, cleaned and decorated the house, bought groceries, and when she was working helped with some of the bills. (maybe she gave some money a handful of times, but other than that, i solely paid for everything. I live in NY, is she entitled to half the house, even though it's in my name alone, and was bought before we were married? Also right now, i am still paying for her car and the insurance, but again, she has left the home, and is with her parents. i told her by july 1st, i am no longer paying for her car, and she needs to get her own insurance. i will give her our second vehicle wich she can do whatever she wants with. it's reliable, and safe, just not new like the car i've been paying for. any help would be great.

Does Anyone have a copy of Homer Mcdonald's "Save your divorce" they would be willing to email me? please send me a private message if you do. Thank you

You need legal advise. Check out your rights first and get proper legal advise on how to move forward.

Go to the library or bookstore to check out the book but get legal representation ASAP.

L.

Don't put her name on it!!!! She may even try to sweet talk you into it. That would be foolish. She is not acting like a good wife or mother.

She is cold and short with you because she knows she is doing wrong, and needs a reason. Don't let her bait you into an argument.

Does anyone know if she's entitled to half the house even though it's entirely in my name? are there any websites for legal ?'s

Ex,

Seriously: If a WW says the D word, you should always take em' serious. Of course, every WW says the D word. And every smart BH gets a darn attorney shortly thereafter. In your case, I would advise you talk to an attorney about this immediately. If your employer has an EAP program, look into getting a free consultation.

As for talking about the M or your relationship, no more of that. STAY AWAY from the M or R talk - it's disastrous at this stage. Listen more, speak less when you do engage in an M or R chat. Discussions about the relationship or marriage usually tend to be confrontational, there's a reason for that. Waywards like to hear themselves talk trash so they can further their own self-convincing that what they are doing is "right" or even "ok". Don't be a sucker, you know she is going to talk trash so...don't engage in it. I don't swim in that sh*t, she can swim away all by her lonesome in that creek.

Focus on you, your kid, more on you, more on your kid, protecting yourself legally, and then...more on you. Patience, Ex. Slow and steady will win this race, I know you feel like you want immediate results, or for your W to come back instantaneously. Nothing will happen overnight. Ignore the "cold" and "heartless" talk, let it bounce off of you. Let her see it bounce off of you.