LOVE IT!! I'm still going through...and actually LOVING the JOURNEY...



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SL,

Sorry but I got a fortune cookie, took the fortune and rubbed it with green tea leaves, gave it up to an almighty being, ran it through some chicken part I saw on a vodoo show and it doesn't look good for you.

Oh wait I had it turned upside down.

You will be fine then. Whew I got scared for a second.

Never plan too far in advance on doing the fun things just geterdun today. The not having fun stuff I plan for way out in the future. Then I try to procrastinate after that. LOL. Unless it is completely necessary.

I have discovered so many things about myself that I either ignored or denied and I am GLAD to get to know myself. I have always been introspective, but I have never given myself the okay to let go. I'm happy to have learned that.

I think having my son and having a family and dealing with such great loss, I have learned that it's okay to let go, to forget about control, to go within myself, to let the divine in. I'm not speaking of religion, I'm sure many understand what I'm getting at. Truth sets me free. I see ME now. It's cool <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I think age has a little to do with it; naivte is close to a thing of the past. I'm grounded and I like it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You don't know about age yet darlin. I have socks older than you.

Oh, sounds like something my lame mom would say (while she shrugs her shoulders and rolls her eyes)... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Did you also walk 4 miles, UPHILL, to school in the snow, all in old raggedy shoes that have newspaper inside to fill up the holes? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I wasn't referring to being OLD, I was referring to aging in that 'becoming a woman' kinda way. [ in the background, you slowly hear the volume raising as the song, "Girl, you'll be a woman soon" (Neil Diamond version, of course) begins to play...]

P.S. As an aside, I dressed up as Neil Diamond at the last Halloween party my H and I threw prior to the A. I looked FAB. I have a black acoustic guitar, and I was wearing a sequined black shirt, and super tight black pants and black boots. My hair was great, and I pasted on chest hair to billow out of the shirt. I may have to attempt a party this year ,just so I can dress up...

Oh, and Chris, GROSS, you should probably consider NEW socks. I mean, didn't you get the memo about care and maintenance of socks. Are your toes sticking out of any part of them. I swear, MEN, you guys and your gross feet. BLECH (:0<<<<<< [vomiting emoticon]

If you turn that song up I am going back out into the snow in my holey, newspaper filled shoes to climb a mountain.

How about something by Nelly McKay instead?

And please forgive my last post. As you now know from my sister’s post on my thread that I am not the metaphorical thinker in the family.

PS to your PS

If I have a choice between seeing you dressed as Wonder Woman or Neil Diamond with chest hair well.........

No comment required here.

I LOVE Neil Diamond. He's great. My momma's name was Caroline, and when I was a kid and 'Sweet Caroline' would eminate from the radio, we would sing at the top of our lungs (my mom was a quasi country singer--she had a great voice--which my sister says I inherited--especially since I quit smoking). I have great memories of his music. I'm drinking "Red, Red, Wine", heh, heh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

To date, since our most recent separation, WH has sent two emails of interest; one apologizing for all of the pain he has caused me, and the second asking about Truehart's whereabouts. He also has taken a lead role in finding counseling for our son and felt the need to mention HIMSELF, too.

I hope, for his sake, that he gets help for himself. His kid needs a strong daddy, and however strong I am, I cannot substitute for a daddy. My mom did her best, but she couldn't be a father. I have a good stepdad, but I've always wondered what it would have been like to have a dad, and to have been daddy's little girl.

[As if I were some kind of expert], it's good stuff. You should be encouraged.

As I said on the killer bee's thread, I will be much more silent this time. I'm assuming nothing. I'm still in Plan B; just ironing out childcare issues. That is ALL I discuss.

I did slip the week after WH left, but I wasn't really dark until after we had ironed out his coming over to get his stuff, so I used that to my advantage. I had spoken to him, while he was home, about a thread that Pep started about poetry. Someone posted W.H Auden's "Funeral Blues"


Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.



I had told WH that this is how I felt about WH, even when he was home. He was lost to us. Not a LB, just how it felt. I haven't sent anything about my feelings since.

I am lucky to have great int.'s and more than one...I have a husband/wife team, who were/are trying to be friends w/ WH still (only becase they see the big picture and want him to have a place to land when he is ready...) and a friend at work who is not his friend who can do the dirty work calls that other int.s would prefer not to.

WH has no reason to ever call me...in fact last time he called my work, he asked for my co-worker because "I'm not allowed to talk to IHC!!!"

HA Ha!!!!

I hope you can find someone willing to do this for you...it sure takes the worry out of a plan b break...

HMMM...so he is wondering about Truhearts letter...good sign...but we are not going to think about that...how's that garden coming...or that shower?

Yeah, I prefer not to give too much credence to what anyone says without seeing it being backed up at the same time. I'll let the email be just that. I hope that WH does find his way back, but all I'm going to do is give him the light, that's all.

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you...I've been so busy with work...

I hope that you and your son are well...

(((SL))))

You are so wonderful!

Exactly...he knows the way back and he can put in all the effort required to get there...no more on your part...just keep the lights on!

I think I've finally had my EUREKA moment! I understand Plan B now, even better than before. It truly is a loving thing to go to Plan B. I also know that I will survive anything now, Plan B, divorce, recovery, singlehood, etc and so on. My fears are not holding me back; they still exist, but they do not keep me from making decisions.

I'm starting to live up to my username!

Silent,

So happy for you.. can't wait till I have mine.

We will survive and bloom.

Still

It took me a while to get there. I was shown the true nature of a wayward once and for all, and WHAMO! TWANG! After about a month of him being gone, I got it. I really get where he is and how tough he has it right now. I do not envy him. I am also realizing how much I wish that I could help carry his pain, and realize that has been our dynamic. He now has to learn how to swim on his own, and I do have fears that he won't make it back home.

That's not okay with me, but I have no choice. I'm not like other people, I don't enjoy watching the carnage of a train wreck. I'm not curious about the poor, mangled souls laying within the wreckage. I feel pain; I'm highly empathetic. I would much rather visit those who have been in the wreckage and lived to tell the story. I (as many here, wayward and battered alike) have suffered through so much pain, I would rather not watch him hurt. I just want to comfort him. I fear for my H's future. Plan B is really the best for me.

Silent,

I too fear for my WH future... I fear he is going to be a lonely old man. I can't stop him as much as I would like.

I'm not wheer you are yet... I do want to see my WH suffer some. With all the suffering he has out me through and my kids. Hopefully I won't always feel this way because I don't like that about myself right now.

Still