I won't criticize. It's time WH Sh*t or got off the pot. And if he continues to stay right in the middle turn off the fart sucker..opps ceiling vent.....and get out of that stink.

Two years is a long time. You and your son deserve the dignity of moving to a future you can plan and work for. You deserve to know who will be on that team.

You did what you had to do and personally I agree with it.

Whew, so far, so good.

Thanks Chris. I've always found that part of my problem in adhering to MB principles was swallowing my pride. I did follow Plan A (once I found MB) and I did follow Plan B, but this time around, and after two PA's, I just can't lay down and have him put the stank on me anymore.

I'm good, fun, pretty, smart, kind and generally agreeable. I have a 'strong' personality (in other words, I don't hold back when the time comes to speak up). I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore, and that last email is just another way of trying to hold me as captive audience. I guess All's fair in love and war, but I felt it was time for me to launch an offensive.

I agree

A totally silent Plan B is meant to be for YOUR recovery and to show WH what it would be like without silent. Well...he knows by now. It's time to sh*t or get off the pot.

Furthermore, I have to be frank. Even if he did decide to get off the pot in your direction, I'm not dead positive I'd jump for joy. I'm not saying he's not a fine man when he's H instead of the alien WH--I'm just saying that even getting off the pot at this point is going to seem a bit "too little too late." He's gonna have some MAJOR work to do if he chooses to even attempt to get you back! YOU have changed now, into a wiser, more mature, more healthy woman and you won't put up with his bologna in your life anymore!

Soooooo...you fell off.

Sooooo...you said what was on your heart for once. I don't see that it caused anything other than FOR ONCE giving you a little relief.

I say, "no harm...no foul."


~~CJ

Panzerkamphgruppfuehrer Von Lucidity

Agreed, SL. Your plan has been really well orchestrated and strong, and I don't see that this is such a bad thing. And you never know what's going to penetrate the Fog. Things do, sometimes, I am told. So relax. Enjoy the relief and don't worry about having done it.

Calm. Be Still. Dark, dark, dark (now).

And, I want for you whatever you want for yourself.

CJ, thanks. I really don't want a D, truly. That being said, the things you have said are not lost on me. I do, however, hear others getting back together and making it work. You are right, that the ball is in his court, and my side of the court is empty. He's fighting himself now.

One of my girlfriends has stated as much too. That she couldn't understand me taking him back at this point (her background, never married, 26yrs old, used to do drugs, got herself into a terrible R with a man and wound up preggers, had the baby, and then 'ran away' from the abusive man she ended up with--she moved in with me). I guess I have to be the judge.

This time in my life is about moving FORWARD, no more steps back. I'm tired of it, the dance. I like the two-step as much as the rest, but this is ridiculous. I will assume that my email has turned him away because he cannot get off the pot.

and now a Bugs Bunny reference? (one of the few things as funny as Python). You're killing me.

I think I took a wrong turn at Albequerque today...

SL,

There is always a too late.

I don't know if I have told you this before but if I have just stop reading.

My parents are divorced. My father was an alcoholic, adulterer, that was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to my mother.

I married him, just kidding. Somewhat, any way I digress.

My mom did the best she could to put up with it. Then one day she filed for a divorce.

My mom has helped me through this and now we talk about her D from my dad.

It wasn't the affairs or the drinking that caused her to want a D. Weird huh. It wasn't the abuse either.

It was just that they were different people. She was waiting for him to change. To want to be a good H and a good father. She wanted to give him time to grow up. They were young when they got together.

She thought it was a phase. Well it didnt' end so she got a D.

To the day he died an early death from cerossis(sp) that phase continued.

My Mom on the other hand met a man that wanted to be an H and a father.

They are still together today.

The idea for me is one person cannot be happy in the M both have to be happy.

It became apparent to my mom my dad was going to ensure his own happiness not hers or ours.

So you broke plan B. Who cares.

You got to throw a good jab in. Felt good now go back to being dark.

Frog, there you are!

I agree wholly with what everyone is saying. We all begin to deal with chameleon's when the spouse becomes Wayward.

I finally got to the point when I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's go time. I look at many stories here, like princessmeggy, and frognomore (you) (Mr. Plan FU), and I see that, sometimes, the wrong way (according to MB) still does work. It's not wrong to confront your abuser and say NO MORE.

I also see people who worked so hard to get WS to come back, like Mortarman, and am inspired. I'm not the only one who has suffered through this much. Either way, I will be okay, and NOW I KNOW IT.

If I could have, I would have slapped him squarely across the face, a la Moonstruck, and said "Snap out of it!" but my computer doesn't have that feature and the pirated version is like 10GB!

Lmao,

I think the site is wonderful and the advice is great. Unfortunately some FWS or WS don't know or understand the program.

I mean Ideally I would be in Plan A and she would know and understand the desired result so no Plan B was necessary. But if it was I could go into Plan B and have her understand what the desired result is.

However that doesn't always seem to be the case. So plan FU isn't all that bad. Heck it feels kinda good to be honest. Go ahead be honest it felt good.

I wouldn't down load the pirated version it has virus's it ends up kicking you square in the a55.

Not all WS snap out of it unfortunately. But then again what are your REALLY losing if they don't and you don't get them back.

Recovery isn't easy the more crap they WS piles on the harder it will be.

sl,

Kinda how I felt when I was able to vent all my junk with WH when the CS orders came in. Finally stick up for myself when I had been keeping silent.

I said what I needed to say and then I was done.

I don't think it ruined my chances...who knows, but I sure felt better.

So, I know not the MB way, but sometimes it just needs to happen so we can have peace.

IHC <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok, ok, frog, it felt good to get that crap off of my chest and squarely onto the responsible party. The BEGINNING of any recovery we have is squarely on his shoulders. I am no longer making that my work.

I've been carrying the load for so long, I didn't realize that it smelled like shat!

Well I think you were entitled to express your feelings and it sounds like you did a wonderful job of doing so.

His one way communication trying to make himself feel better isn't fair or right.

Maybe he will understand you are ready to move Forward with or without him.

My FU speech felt great. I mean when my FWW came back with her justifications it hurt. I spent a good hour thrashing those and her attitude her lies etc. I put recovery on her sholders too.

I do my part but never again will I devalue myself to stay with her.

Frog, I feel like that is exactly what I did tonight, minus the face to face that you had.

SL, I saw you were still on line so this this is for you. Goodnight!

Well since my Mickey Mouse comes to Marriage Builders joke went over like a fart in an airlock on SD’s thread:

A young Kreigsmariner is assigned to the German Coast Guard. Unfortunately his English is weak. On his very first night alone at the control center he gets an emergency distress signal. Sure enough it is an American vessel.

“SOS German Coast Guard! This is the USS Pepperband. We have struck rocks and broke deep. We are sinking. I repeat we are sinking. German Coast Guard can you hear us, we are SINKING”

Struggling with the radio the young German replies, “Ya. Yess. Hello, Dis iss da German Coast Guard. Vat are you sinking about?”

SL - My ex pulled the same stuff - for 3 and a half years. I have a whole pile of letters saying he loved me, and blah, blah, blah, he was sorry, blah, blah, blah.

The problem is that you must protect yourself from his babble, because it will make you angrier and angrier. My happiest day was when I was finally DONE, and could tell him EXACTLY what I felt about him. It started out with you are a lily-livered, bottom sucking sissy-boy............." It was full of DJ's and LB's but I didn't care.

Then I told him not to contact me ever again for any reason. Guess what? He still didn't get it. He has some kind of need to keep letting me know how sorry he is, and what a good woman I am. It is all about his weakness, and not really for me.

believer, that is where I have left it. No DJ's were cast, nothing was said about his character. I did not LB. I only told him that I was not doing this anymore. That he must show me what he is saying or the emailing is pointless. I actually wrote, "otherwise this email is pointless" meaning, if he couldn't DO anything to SHOW what he was SAYING, then even MY EMAIL was pointless.

I basically said, this is it for me, do not email me about not wanting to break up your family, just stop doing it. PERIOD. I have no patience for the Wayward babble, and that was what the email was about.

I'm even finished with the LB. No need for them; he is just hurting himself more and more. He will hurt our son, because abandonment hurts, but the truth is, much of that damage is done right now. If H chose to return, we may be able to heal DS's pain in the long run, and give him a new sense of security. If WH chooses to stay away, then we are no worse off than we are RIGHT NOW.

I just got a bit fed up with the words.


And Chris----I was partaking in a nibble on a pop tart and nearly choked on the crust, as well as spat a bit of tart crust onto the computer screen (don't make fun of me for eating a nibble of pop tart--they're low fat and yummy and I didn't feel like eating right tonight) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> after reading that joke. You are a funny guy, and very creative. Thanks for the laugh

OOOOOO..........POOF!

I got you with the potatoe gun too! LMAO


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I knew you were gonna do that! Rin, you are a bright spot in a dull day, you know that?

BTW, I love that Dixie Chicks song that you mentioned on your thread, "Not ready to make nice". It says a lot.