HEHEHEHE! LMAO...

It's my ringtone on my phone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Reminds me to stay strong everytime it rings! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

"I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down, I'm mad as he)) and I don't have time to go round and round and round!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I don't have time to go round and round and round!"

I think this is where I realized I was today. I'm tired of the SSDD (same sh_t, different day)

Anyhoo, I bid everyone good night and thanks for listening and advising and opening my eyes a bit more everyday. I am stronger, partly because I had MB and the forum to help me find a clue and make a plan. Now, I'm just gonna stick to it.

Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Here is the video to the chrisner's joke:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8865569851452170388

It's even funnier to see it.

Hi SL,

Hopefully this is not a SSDD kind of day! Make it something better!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm pop tarts

Do you have any great weekend plans?

Hey Chris, no real great plans. I will be finalizing my choice of beach house for early June. I will probably do some yardwork, mowing cutting things back. I am thinking about filling my pool up before water rates go up, also to check for any leaks or problems so that I can get to the store and get new parts.

I'm probably going to take DS to the park after getting breakfast on Sunday morning. The weather on this side of the country is supposed to be nice (70's, sunny) and I am soooo ready for the nicer weather. This raincloudy, rainy, cold day thing is getting old PRETTY quick.

My favorite poptart is the frosted brown sugar cinammon. I can't eat it anymore, cause it's loaded with fat and sugar, but I do so love them. I was having some strawberry frosted low fat version. Still yummy.

Today is not SSDD, no emails, no turmoil. The only chink in my armor (yet added to my resolve) was DS curling up in my lap this morning (which is tough to do, he's 55lb's and 4ft tall) and telling me he 'still' misses his daddy and 'still' wants him to come live with us. It's so tough to hear that, not only because he is a child, but it takes me back to how I felt as a child; the loss that I had no placement for.

Oh, I wish I was there to help you with the yard! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'm a huge poptart fan...LOL...but I dont like your favorite...strawberry...that MINE!

WOW, he's four foot tall...L's a little chipmunk...still in 3T's and will be 5 in June...LMAO...of course, I don't have much going for me on the vertical scale... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

F will make 9, 8 days before his brother! Now, he's 10 inches shorter than me...really long legs!

POOL PARTY AT SL'S!!!!

CANNON BALL!!!!



PADOOOOSH!!!!!

I've got a question for you MB folks from a good friend (NOT ME--he/she can't post here)

He/she has been working the MB principles and has been in PlanB for some time (11 months+); a very good, dark Plan B. Amazing, isn't it!

Well, the question that I have is this, If he/she wanted to extend an olive branch to the WS, what should it say? I know that eav has thought about this and I wonder what one would actually SAY.

Any suggestions will be most helpful to my friend. AGAIN, this is not me, you all know where I am with things right now.

Good Morning SL,

Is there an affair involved in your friend's situation? If so, is it ongoing?

Yes, Chris, the WS's A still ongoing, and BS was recently served a petition for D. Some background (notice I'm leaving out what sex this person is, tyring to fly a bit low under the radar, STEALTH)

BS--(former WS EA/PA--ended it and returned to M)
WS (believed started revenge A about time WS was ending EA/PA) A ongoing (not living together)...

DDs
finances separated
Plan B for over a year (solid Plan B for ~11mos)

My feeling is, with the A ongoing, what do you say?

As everyone here knows, I lost my cool the other day and told my WH what for! He should now be fully aware of what he needs to do to even speak to me again. I have heard that many WS's don't really think about the PBL while in fogland.

Maybe just a reminder of the PBL. Gosh, I dunno. Hope others can help this BS. Oh, BTW, there has been some coaching with the Harley's (Steve), and the olive branch was approved by him.

Hey now don't be modest it sounded like you gave him what for, what five, and possibly what six.

Seriously, if I were your friend and I know this isn't MB principle's so it is just an opinion. Nothing more nothing less so anyone that disagrees that is ok because again It is just my opinion of what I might do if I were in that spot.

Hope that was a good enough disclaimer.

I would write a short note or email. Hi. How are you. I haven't spoken to you in x amount of time. The door is still open slightly if you are ready to come home. You know what I would need from you to do that and if you are willing I still am willing to give it one more try.

If it isn't something you are interested in I understand, there is no need to respond unless you are though.

Something like that.

Steve Harley didn't give any idea how to do it?

I think frog has the right idea.

Has the WS tried to break Plan B during the last 11 months?

Is there any children?

The other thing is I would be afraid thet the WS might take the olive branch and take a couple of swings at the BS.

What I'm trying to say, is the BS prepared for what might come flying there way? You know what I mean?

I know what you mean Marflow; i think that may be something that the BS is struggling with, trying to reconcile the outcome of said extension of the olive branch.

The line about the WS taking a whack at the BS was priceless, very funny. Heck, we've taken such a beating so far, why not beat me with my olive branch, too!

I will ask about what directives SH may have about this, that was a good pickup.

Hi SL,

I thought I would let you know I spent over three hours last night reading your whole story (3-threads) since you entered Plan B in October. I turned up around here in mid-December. I have a whole new level of admiration for how you have managed your situation and protected your son. That phone call in December broke my heart for you. And yet you got up and carried on stronger than before. You are a rock star!

Have a great weekend!

Wow! Thanks Chris, that's a heck of a lot of reading! Sometimes I think back and shake my head at how much [email]cr@p[/email] I've taken.

I was in a solid plan B up until that 'mistaken identity' call.

One thing that I have heard through the grapevine is that it can be good to break plan B now and then to 'test' the waters. I would think that it is good to test the waters when they are more calm, than in the beginning when things are so nuts!

A friend told me something that jolted me into the reality of things. Every time that I broke Plan B, I jolted WH a bit further toward the light, and every time he comes back he's that much closer to breaking the spell on himself. This time, he has to go it alone. No more cattle prod's from me.

I really feel for him, because he is losing such a great life with his family, really losing. It's a [email]d@mn[/email] shame. I have learned so much and am not afraid anymore. I don't relish being broke or having to move to a new house or divorcing or any of it, but I know that I will be okay. My life WILL be more difficult as a single parent, and my son's life will too, as a child with a broken life of his own. I plan on doing all that I can to bolster his self-confidence, and to BE THERE.

I have decided that I am going to cut my hours at work and take care of my son before and after school, instead of daycare. I will lose money at work, but I will still get to keep my great job, and be an 'after school' mom. I remember how great it was when my mom was home after I got home from school. I also know how much trouble I would get myself into between the hours of arriving home and parents coming home, when my mom worked full time.

I want to be there to see what DS is up to, to talk to him, keep the lines of communication as opened as I possibly can. This change in schedule is the first step. My baby is starting kindergarten this year and I get to pick him up from the bus. That's a big thing for me.

P.S and BTW, Chris, I didn't start posting until nearly a year after my WH's FIRST A, during our first long false recovery (9mos). I dealt with his first A flying by the seat of my pants.

Last night, before my DS went to bed, he said something that caused me to come back in his room and have a discussion with him. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was something about Daddy not being in the home because you (BS) don't love him.

I sat down next to DS and began to talk about WHAT it really is that daddy has been doing and why it is unacceptable.

First off, I told DS that I did love his daddy. I told him that daddy is married to mommy, but has decided to live with another woman. That is unacceptable behavior when you promised to take care of your family. I told him that DS and I are BOTH WH's family, and he is not taking care of us, in fact, he is hurting both of us. My DS said that he IS hurt and sad and doesn't like what daddy is doing.

I was a bit floored at how open my DS is and how he understands all of this mess.

So, all that being said, PLEASE tell your children what is happening. Don't leave them wondering if daddy left because the children are at fault for some reason.

Real life example = my mother's father left when she was quite young (probably around 4 or 5) and her mother never explained the why's and what's, etc. My grandmother wasn't exactly a warm, affectionate person with her children. My mother was left wondering what it was that SHE did to MAKE her father leave. She carried this pain with her for most of her life, and told me about it when she was in her late 40's.

Don't leave it up to your children to decide why their parent left THEM, OKAY.

My DS fell to sleep as he always does, and slept well. He did not cry or whine or anything. He actually seemed stronger after I talked to him.

SL,

YOu are a wonderful, wonderful parent.

I agree with you on this. When they are ready and they ask give them the PG version like you did.

Good job.

I think that you are a WONDERFUL MOMMY! I would have done the same thing! You just keep doing what you are doing! You're setting a FINE example for him!

I wanted to ask what happen to your friend and the baby that was living with you. How long ago was that and stuff?

Wow, SL. Another defining moment. I am sure each kid around this age differ some in their ability to grasp and handle this information but I have always thought what you just said is true. I have seen a handful of times on this forum of people trying to conceal or sugarcoat the truth to kids much older than your son. I always feel like disagreeing with them but my daughter being basically grown prevents me from weighing in.

It sounds like he processed the information very maturely. How are you? That had to be a little tough.