That is true and my thinking is changing or I would not be here asking questions. My heart has convicted me, my eyes are seeing the destruction, I want this to end. I have had trouble saying the words.
My posting may not seem sincere, but I do have a deep desire to see this end.
A letter or email would be much easier than on the phone, but doesn't that seem a bit chicken? Just wondering....

The reason an e-mail is "easier" is b/c you won't be giving the OM an opportunity to talk you out of what you want to do.

W/ an e-mail, you state what you want.

Game over.

Done.

Why would you WANT to make this more difficult?

~ Marsh

CHICKEN would be remaining chained to your addiction...You want to be free? You decide TODAY, RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, THIS WILL BIND YOU NO MORE...It's better to rip off a bandaid in one quick motion than to try and ease it off bit by bit...Make the decision and follow through...Talking about it over and over only prolongs it and allows your fears to rise...Make it happen TODAY...

You speak of God...HAVE FAITH...Something to consider, "Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is!"...Write the email...NOW...and hit SEND...TODAY...


Mrs. W

of course it is out of your reach right now... but it should be your GOAL that you work your butt off trying to achieve

W2BF,

It is always going to be out of your reach until you reach for it. You can continue to list all the reasons you can't or you can start doing what you can.

Mark

<Start Thread Jack>

Pep,

Like your sig line...

Maybe related to the folks we say run our company:

The Know sisters...Ida and Weda...

Ask any question the answer is one of the two:

Ida Know
Weda Know

Mark

<End Thread Jack>

W2F... so let me get this straight... you have used and abused two marriages for years... you have sexually used or been used for 9 years and YOU have the nerve to mention emotional abuse. YOU would do your H a HUGE favor by leaving now without the kids since you obviously wish to stall your changes until you are good and ready. EVERY minute that your H does not know about what you have done is another betrayal. EVERY single time the lips that roamed the other mans body, touch your H's lips without his knowing the truth is another betrayal.
Frankly lady, and I hope I am wrong about this, I suspect that you will never do the right thing and confess your actions to your H and family. It would make you look like a hypocrite... the born again Christian that thinks her H is the one that is emotionally abusive. Frankly, it is put up or shut up time! You KNOW what you should do...but you won't do it will you? It isn't comfortable....so you will kid yourself and everyone else about what a good person you are, what a good mother you have been and how your H is the one that has the problems in the relationship. Please!

MEDC

OM did not respond to my email I sent to see if he was in the office. He called awhile ago from home to tell me he is sick. It's hard at times for me to talk during work enviroment so I just listened until I finally had to tell him I had to go.
He knows the end is near because he is putting a ton of pressure on me. He is being manipulative and is calling it love. I can see this, maybe he can't. The no contact letter/email is looking better all the time. He is using my very words to keep me trapped. Here are some of the things he is saying:

I've given up everything for you, now it's my turn.

I'm worth every ounce of pain you have to get to me.

I've loved you enough to give you all these years.

You need to show me some respect.

If you never give me the opportunity to have your kids know and like me, how are you gonna know?

You need to perserver and get to me, are you ready to mess up on this one, I'll guarantee you I'll make you happy and take away your pain.

I want you to put as much effort into me as you do God and going to church.

I want to spend my life with the woman I love, it's not that hard of a concept.

I've given you 1/5 of my life.

I pray to God all the time to either give you to me or change my heart.

Well, that's it. Taking notes while he was talking helped me to stay detattched.
I don't know what to say right now...

don't give a chit what he is saying

talk to OM & you talk to Satan

W2BF is an addict that has not hit rick bottom yet. If the pain she is causing her family is not touching her heart what makes any of you think that your pleas for her to stop abusing her family will get through.

I appreciate your desire to help her, but it seems to me like she is looking for some attention for some reason. Does anything else really need to be said to her?

Good Luck W2BF, I hope that your family survives the devastation when you finally do hit rock bottom.

You're right, thanks for pointing that out.

Could have said, "Please watch for my e-mail. Bye."

Would have taken alot less time than it did listening to his diatribe.



You know what would help you detach even better?

Not taking his calls any more.

~ Marsh

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

and it is INTERESTING that she is specifically calling out FH .... who is motivated in helping affair marriages survive .... speculate about that!

W2BF - I already answered this question, so you might want to go back an reread that post.

But that really isn't the question, is it?

The real question is how are you going to end your affair and why will you end it, isn't it?

W2BF, your situation is different from mine in that both my wife and I were, and are, born again believers. Sin is blinding and plays on our weaknesses, so no one, not even a born again believer, is "immune" from falling into sin. The "difference," however, is that a born again believer has the indwelling Holy Spirit that they cannot "run away from." No matter how far they try to run, there He is, telling you that you are sinning against God and that you need to repent to God and begin following God's will even when your own will is trying to convince you that you don't have to be humbly obedient to God.

So...how do YOU do it?

You CHOOSE to surrender your will and your life to God, choosing to follow Him to the best of your ability, trusting that He is quite able to help you to become the type of child that He wants....one that brings honor and glory to His name. NOTE: I said you 'choose.' That does NOT mean that you have to "like it" or even "want to" (recognizing that we all have human emotions that lend a "preference" to our various "choice options").

That, W2BF, is the example that Jesus gave us in the Garden of Gethsemane. AS a fully human incarnation, Jesus felt all of our emotions and was tempted to have things "his way" if it was possible (and remember, being the Son of God, the Creator of all things in the universe, meant that anything he "wanted" he could have with a mere spoken word). But Jesus willingly submitted his will to the Father's will, even though he DID NOT, in his "humanness," want to endure the cross and the full wrath of God that was to be poured out upon him because of being the one sufficient sacrifice for sin in order to save all of us who were totally unworthy and, if you'll apply "human reason" to the scenario, from a "human perspective," we WEREN'T WORTH his sacrifice in our place (we deserved it, he did not).

W2BF, you are, from your description, in a marriage that began in disobedience to God's command to believers..."be NOT unequally yoked" to an unbeliever. But if you do disobey God on this one, then God also has said that you are to remain in that marriage unless the unbeliever chooses to leave you.

So where does that leave you today? You have to start obeying God, humbly submitting your will to His will. You start to BE the wife that God has intended, with your motivation for performing your role as "wife" to be pleasing to God. Part of doing that role as God has instructed is so that your husband may be won to Christ from how you live, surrendered to Christ and obeying God's commands as "one who has been bought and paid for at the unbelievable cost of Jesus' life."

You have attempted to do things "your way," instead of God's way. That hasn't really worked too well, has it? Isn't it about time that you tried "God's way?"

Will your husband be upset about being lied to about the contacts? What do you think? Just about every one of us will get upset if someone lies to us on any subject, let alone regarding adulterous thoughts and actions. Will he forgive you? I don't know, but if he does, it is certain that it will not be "forgiveness as God has forgiven us" since he is not a believer. His comments about "doing something" if you were to "leave him for the the church" shows he is hostile to God and not willing to submit his life to God. He, from your other descriptions, is not even likely to live "as though" he was living in accord with God's roles for husbands.

Regardless of all that, YOU are a believer and YOU have no choice but to be obedient to God in your life, as your "minimum service" to God. You start living for God instead of against God and ask God to help your marriage, and to reach your husband with the truth of Jesus Christ. That's likely to take a lot of time, though, because your "example" up to this point has indicated a total lack of surrender to God, much less a life that "witnesses" to your husband. Therefore, it's going to take a long time for your husband to "see" the REAL changes in your life and how God is faithful to anyone who surrenders their will to His will.

God bless.

That is a bunch of chit, as you would say...

I know I couldn't do this on my own so I asked a question and look where it's gone..

I wasn't looking for attention, just an answer...yeah, I really like the 2x4's, however they are eye opening.

just speculating

You have not earned my trust

FH,
Everything you said is what is going on with me.
Obedience is the key, I know.
I didn't come here looking for a way to stay in the sin, but a way out.
A way to toughen my emotions and shut my ears to the lies.
Thank you,
W2BF

Pepperband - I take it you now also believe that I have no right to post to anyone because you have made a judgment? You also appear to have no concept of when someone specifically seeks out a particular person for advice that it is not automatically a call for Pepperband to insert "HER way of doing things or no way."

Very interesting, and very revealing. You seem to have no concept of Christian forgiveness as "God has forgiven us," or at the very least, you prefer your emotional responses over "forgive us our sins as we forgive others."

I forgive you Pepperband. Your emotions appear to be in control.

You've been controlling this situation for a long time, W2BF. You have, in essense, done it all on your own.

Now it's time to do what's RIGHT on your own. You know what to do. You've known for years, by your own admission.

Now DO IT.

(Bottom line: Support is great, but your support network won't be with you when you stand in front of God... and frankly, when you look into your own eyes...

When is the last time you looked into your own eyes, W2BF? What did you see? For me, it took YEARS after the affair to do it without crying.)

I try not to look because what I see isn't good or pure right now. I try to keep looking at the word and believing what it says about me. I am an overcomer, I have the victory, I can do all things..