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I didn't come here looking for a way to stay in the sin, but a way out.
A way to toughen my emotions and shut my ears to the lies. There is only one way to toughen your emotions, and shut your ears to the lies. End this. Establish NC. Get through w/drawals Get into IC. You are in a fog. You really are. You are having a tough time figuring out where the lies are b/c lies are what make up an A. And they aren't just being told TO you. They are being told BY you. I'm a FWW. I know all about the lies and the guilt that feed the feelings in an A. The only way to KNOW what the truth is, is to quit LIVING a lie. You are not single. So quit pretending/lying to yourself that you aren't married. ~ Marsh
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Marsh,
This will probably sound really dumb, but as much as I want out of this A and the only thing keeping me from ending it is guilt (misplaced as it is), do you think I will have withdraws? I can only see relief.
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Marsh,
This will probably sound really dumb, but as much as I want out of this A and the only thing keeping me from ending it is guilt (misplaced as it is), do you think I will have withdraws? I can only see relief. Will you go through w/drawals? I haven't seen one WS who didn't. The important thing is to get you over your misplaced feelings of guilt... OM has his life...his journey. You have yours. He is 100% responsible for each and every choice he made. And you are responsible for yours. Don't pick up what is his to own. You have enough of yours to own. Quit stringing him along. You are not the only woman who can make him happy. Set him free. Set yourself free. End this nightmare...TODAY!!! ~ Marsh
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Hey Pep, How did you figure out who she was and find this old thread? Seriously. After reading through it, and thinking through her new posts, I don't get it. What more could she want? Like you said, she already had some of the best posters posting to her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> ~ Marsh
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OM Quote: You need to perserver and get to me, are you ready to mess up on this one, I'll guarantee you I'll make you happy and take away your pain. I used to know a woman who was kind and beautiful... and married to a man who physically abused her. One night, her male "friend" literally rescued her from a beating. She divorced her husband and married her "rescuer". Then he started abusing her. So... after several more years of abuse... she left him too. A couple of months later... he tracked her down and murdered her... then he killed himself... orphaning two beautiful children. True story. --SC
"I require more from my spouse than behaving well in order to avoid pain." (guess who)
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good LORD ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> that is frightening PS ... It is soooo obvious that the OM in this case IS the "controlling" man, not her betrayed husband!
Last edited by Pepperband; 04/03/07 03:34 PM.
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the only thing keeping me from ending it is guilt (misplaced as it is), Can you enlist your BH's help? Can he write a letter to OM telling him to stay away, and include a copy of your NC letter approved and mailed by your H?
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Weaver, her BH thinks the A ended 3 years ago... and so far, she has not told him differently. Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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PS ... It is soooo obvious that the OM in this case IS the "controlling" man, not her betrayed husband! Oh yes, I agree. The same quote that SC quoted jumped out at me too. He's going to make her happy and take her pain away??? Yikes! ~ Marsh
Last edited by Marshmallow; 04/03/07 03:40 PM.
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PS ... It is soooo obvious that the OM in this case IS the "controlling" man, not her betrayed husband! Why does it have to be either/or? Isn't it possible they are both controlling?
"I require more from my spouse than behaving well in order to avoid pain." (guess who)
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How did you figure out who she was and find this old thread? Because I wasn't trying to hide who I was. I asked in another post if anyone knew what happened to 2scared, a poster who was around when I was and posted to me. A search was done and there you go....
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It's been a lie -- a long drawn out lie. I heard Harley say on the radio that exposure of an affair is like sunlight on mold.
What OM said to you, that you wrote down, shows that he doesn't care about you. He only cares about himself and his happiness.
There was a Tom Hanks movie where he was on an island for four years and had a picture of his girlfriend. When he got back to his home, he found her -- at home with a baby. He told her that he was glad he had her when he was on the island those four years. And then he walked away from her.
That's care.
This guy only wants what gratifies him today.
Cherishing
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Why does it have to be either/or? Isn't it possible they are both controlling? The answer is yes, but when one has feelings for OM and not H, H can control with threats, but OM controls with emotions. At this point, I see I am in more danger of OM as the path we WERE headed down was not good. He told me I gotta get my life right and be with him. You talk about me being in the fog, well I may be, but OM definately is. And, his very words are what is going to put and end to the A. I am going to make my life right and it doesn't include him.
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Weaver, her BH thinks the A ended 3 years ago... and so far, she has not told him differently. Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Oh. Well, I don't deal with active liars. So when you come clean with your husband, and write the NC letter that he approves and sends on your and his (H's) behalf, put it in a thread title and I'll come back and read again. Good luck to your H and precious children. I will say one more thing. Saying you feel guilty and that keeps you from ending the affair is the biggest bunch of doggy doo going. Active WS's care for one person, and one person only. Guess who that one person is? Outta here.
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Why does it have to be either/or? Isn't it possible they are both controlling? It's probably more possible and probable that she is the controlling one. She certainly is controlling these two men.
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What OM said to you, that you wrote down, shows that he doesn't care about you. He only cares about himself and his happiness I know, the more I read his remarks, I see they are about him. I have been just as selfish as well. But if he really loved me, he would see that he needs to back off, but he won't he's just applying more pressure, so I need to do the ending.
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And, his very words are what is going to put and end to the A. So, if his words were more in line w/ what you wanted..."Baby, I'll wait for you forever. I don't mind accepting crumbs from you." You'd still be up for it? If a different OM comes along and says all the "right words" to you, will you take up w/ him? I don't get why you are here. I think I'm going to get behind MEDC's advice to you.... Leave your kids w/ your H. And go file for D. ~ Marsh
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W2F... so let me get this straight... you have used and abused two marriages for years... you have sexually used or been used for 9 years and YOU have the nerve to mention emotional abuse. YOU would do your H a HUGE favor by leaving now without the kids since you obviously wish to stall your changes until you are good and ready. EVERY minute that your H does not know about what you have done is another betrayal. EVERY single time the lips that roamed the other mans body, touch your H's lips without his knowing the truth is another betrayal.
Frankly lady, and I hope I am wrong about this, I suspect that you will never do the right thing and confess your actions to your H and family. It would make you look like a hypocrite... the born again Christian that thinks her H is the one that is emotionally abusive. Frankly, it is put up or shut up time! You KNOW what you should do...but you won't do it will you? It isn't comfortable....so you will kid yourself and everyone else about what a good person you are, what a good mother you have been and how your H is the one that has the problems in the relationship. Please!
MEDC Bump
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I know, the more I read his remarks, I see they are about him. I have been just as selfish as well. But if he really loved me, he would see that he needs to back off, but he won't he's just applying more pressure, so I need to do the ending. Can you expound on that thought? ~ Marsh
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PS ... It is soooo obvious that the OM in this case IS the "controlling" man, not her betrayed husband! I disagree... I think it is BOTH of these men that are being controlled by HER.
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