Yes I can.
I have been selfish and foolish to think that my actions won't hurt anyone. I have been selfish to think that regardless of my own hurts, I have the "RIGHT TO BE HAPPY" at whatever cost. I have been selfish by being part in destroying one marriage, maybe two. I have been selfish at putting my wants and needs above others. I have been selfish period.

Very good.

So what's your first unselfish act going to be?

What are you willing to give up in order to take a step in the direction of becoming an unselfish person?


What are you willing to risk in order to step in the direction on becoming a more honest person?

What's your first honest act going to be?

~ Marsh

Ending A with OM


My own wants and putting others first.


I'm not sure how to answer that.


After telling OM it's over, I will be contacting my pastor for IC and plan for talking to H.

W2BF

Be sure 2 follow the form of NC letter that Harley has in SAA (and that you can find from many people here) before you send ANYTHING 2 the OM.

It must be final. It must not contain any "miss you" or "will always care about you" or "send me a card" kinds of messages. It must not solicit any reply or acknowledgment of any kind.

It must be for NO CONTACT.

-ol' 2long

Since you intend to send the NC letter without your husband's input, I would recommend saving a copy of the letter that you send to OM to be able to show your husband when you do tell him...

Mrs. W

2long and Mrs W,
It will be an email and I will print a copy that will have the date on it.
Do you think that will be ok?
W2BF

Sounds good...I would also recommend closing that email acct. immediately following the sending of the NC letter...What are the chances that the date on the email will read April 3, 2007? There's no time like the present, wouldn't you agree?

Mrs. W

Mrs. W,

The email accounts are both work email accounts so as soon as the letter is sent and received, I will block his email address so that I cannot receive emails from him, that is the best I can do.
The date will be April 4, he is not in the office today and I do not want it intercepted by anyone other than himself.
Today would have been good, but it will have to wait until tommorrow.
Thanks

Good deal.

Now, you'll want to do this in a way that will make your WH feel/believe that you are 100% committed to ending it.

I think THE best way to get it done would be to write the letter, but not send it until you have confessed everything to your BH, and gotten his ok on the letter.

Then send it together.



The only wants you ought to put ahead of anyone else's is your desire to do the right thing.

The healthy thing.

W2BF,

You have been a wayward for a very long time!

Nine years!

You haven't begun to realize how foggy your thinking has become.

You have many unfullfilled expectations that have grown into deep resentments towards your BH.

And as a result, you developed what EVERY wayward developed...an entitlement belief.

It will take time and lots of honest self discovery to tear it down.


Sure you do, look at your next reply...



You are risking your reputation by telling your pastor.

You are risking your marriage by telling your BH.

Please consider telling your BH first before you tell OM it's over?

It will be the first tiny bit of healing balm you can offer to him.

~ Marsh

Marsh,

I appreciate your advice and that it is standard MB, but there is No way I will tell H any of this until counseling with pastor. Pastor has had first hand experience in dealing with H's threat's and anger. Pastor has been on the receiving end of threats.
My A and betrayal are just a part of the big picture that not everyone knows and I don't want to get into it. Pastor knows the whole story and has been counseling us for years. So I trust pastors judgement and will wait until then.

My vote still remains send the email A.S.A.P....Rip off the bandaid...No more waiting and weighing options, just get it over with...To be honest, her BH isn't going to trust a NC letter one way or the other, W2BF will have to earn his trust based upon the ACTION of MAINTAINING NO CONTACT and EXTREME TRANSPARENCY...Send the email tomorrow W2BF...

When will the appointment with your husband and pastor take place? Obviously the sooner the better...

Mrs. W

I will email Pastor as soon as I end A with OM, then discuss what to do next.

So then schedule for tomorrow is...

1. Email NC letter to OM FIRST thing in the morning...

2. Call/Email Pastor IMMEDIATELY after hitting send on NC Email...(Calling seems more immediate)
Call and inform husband of appt with pastor...

3. Report back here and let us know that these things are checked off the list...

Fair Enough?

Mrs. W

"I will email Pastor as soon as I end A with OM, then discuss what to do next."

<SIGH>

That would be when?

Mark

Tomorrow....

Tomorrow never comes.....

W2BF...I have confidence in you...I look forward to your post tomorrow telling us that you've followed through...YOU CAN DO THIS...

Mrs. W

It's tomorrow.

BK, it's always tomorrow Down Under. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Today is yesterday's tomorrow...

Mark