gsh, do you have a home phone # for them?

No, I have her OW work number and another number that is probably her cell. That's all.

Is it a work cell phone? Do you know her town? Have you tried a search on www.zabasearch.com or www.peoplefinder.com? Another thing you can do is submit the number to www.intelius.com to see if they can trace it. They charge $14 if they are successful, nothing if not.

I actually don't know whether it is a cell number for sure. I know the city, but not the town that she lives in. I might try that intelius tomorrow. I have tried switchboard, peopelefinder and all that stuff with no luck. I think I have her husbands first name, but he isn't listed either. Thanks for all the tips, I appreciate it. I don't really want to speak to her, I just want to have the info.

What about doing a reverse look up on anywho.com? Have you tried that?

Thanks, I have tried that too..I guess if I am not exposing to him, I don't need it, I just wanted to have it just in case.

gsh, it would be in everyone's best interest for you to expose to him. He has to know. He should be given the same opportunity you were given to save his marriage. Otherwise he has no way of knowing and can't protect himself from your H and his wife.

Telling him is essential because it much less likely that the affair will resume if there are 2 ppl watching from both ends. Your h is free to pursue the OW as long as her H is ignorant of the affair.

MelodyLane, did you expose to the OWH in your situation? How did that go? just wondering. I am going to try the intelius tomorrow.

I appreciate all your suggestions.

gsh, I did expose to the OWH and I have also exposed to another man whose wife was on this forum. It is not easy but they are almost always very grateful for the call. I wish someone had told me when my H was having an affair. It would saved me months of he11.

Thanks MelodyLane, do you have any words to use when I do this after I find the number? Do you just blurt it out, what do you actually say.

gsh, I did something like this:

First you make sure it is the OWH and then you tell him who you are, full name. I said, I am so sorry to make this call but I feel you have a right to know about this becuase it concerns you. Your W has been having an affair.........

then lay out the facts and tell him your evidence. offer your phone number or email for follow up questions and ask if he will agree to keep you informed of any future contact if you do the same.

Usually the person is in shock, but is grateful for the call.It is not easy, but it is the right, compassionate thing to do.

gsh,

Update time....what's happening? Mel gave you the steps to take. Have you formulated your strategy?

We exposed to OPS a little differently 2 months ago. My H was in agreement so he was further down the recovery road than I realized at the time. He knew I had been 'in touch' with OW but he did not realize how often. He shuddered (appropriately) when I mentioned she and I had been chatting weekly and he was totally relieved when I registered for MB and told him how wrong I realized my 'trying-to-help-OW' attitude was. (I was stupidly trying to 'own his stuff'.....as in...it was my fault that our M sucked so it was my fault H had an EA and hurt OW and since it was all my fault, I was going to help OW get over the hurt I caused....yada yada yada yuck!)

My BS fog also had withdrawal symptoms --- which are so rare I won't even go there. But with the help of MB, my thinking and life and marriage and hope for the future has changed 180 % and 180 degrees.

I saw where you posted to Brokenincali, but please let us know how things are going with you.

Ace

Ace, Not sure if I am doing this posting correctly. I responded on the brokenincali thread, but will respond here also.
My first sentence is about your Mr. Romance thread
Yes I read it and yes I do believe dreams can come true, but they do take hard work and committment on both parts.

I still can't get to the OP's H. I have a phone number now, but there is never anyone there when I can call. I am hoping it is the right phone number. I don't want to leave a message and the voice on the machine doesn't say whose home it is, just says you have reached and the number...I am planning on trying this weekend again.

You're doing fine, gsh.

I saw your post there but did not want to continue posting there since that was Broken's request for help.

If I kept talking to you there, they call that a 'threadjack' as in 'hijacking' broken's thread so you and I could talk. Other's would miss out if they were looking for your posts but you were on broken's thread.

Wish someone would have told me that before I tj'd SadNPisseds thread before I knew what 'tj' meant.

Glad you read my MR. ROMANCE thread.....stay tuned for chapter 6 soon! If you want the missing parts I pulled for ID protection, email me **edit**

Thanks,
Ace

Ace,
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
And for the rules of the threads.

I hope I am doing fine - the next few weeks will be telling as he has to do some travel for work. I am determnined though to make this all work and I believe he is also.

Happy Saturday!

gsh, are you disguising your phone # when you call? I agree very much you should not leave a message. Just keep calling.

I am very concerned about your H's upcoming travel. How will he assure you there is no contact? Will he give you his email, cell phone passwords? He needs to come up with a plan of complete transparency so you can be assured of no contact.

And please assure me that the OW will not be on this trip!

Melody Lane,
I have been pressing *67, should I not disguise my number?

I am 100% certain he is not traveling with her. His trip is less than 36 hours. I will be more concerned when he will have to travel where she lives and that is not coming up soon. I will need to reach her H before that and I will keep trying until I do so.

Perfect! I just wanted to make sure you were disguising your #.

Keep up the good work, gsh, you are doing just great! I will watch your thread this weekend in case you get through.

gsh,

You have one of the best in Mel helping and guiding you. Keep up the good work and keep us posted. Hopefully you'll get through to OWH soon.

Ace

thanks for the vote of confidence, Ace. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />