If you lost this weight and went to couseling likely you are feeling more energy and better about yourself. You are changing and he's not, and of course this can lead to trouble in a marriage. There's a book about Controlled Separation written by a counselor, I'm not sure the exact title, someone here might know. The counselor claims that separation in your situation can help, separation with rules - where you live, how often you see each other, dates, counseling - with a period of time. Other counselors might say, no don't separate as it takes the reason for you to work on your marriage away - and it's hard to work on a marriage when not living together. Statistics say once separated - and I don't know where they get the stats - it's not very high that a marriage works out. If you like reading, there's another book Hope for the Separated that's quite good too about working on issues while separated with the hope of making the marriage work. Dr. Phil says you should try to turn over every rock before ending a marriage, myabe you could try another counselor or something different. Obviously you've done a lot of "work" on your end. Is your husband open to going to counseling on his own as well? We all have issues and they come out in marriages, as we are like mirrors. I don't know what you mean by "abusive" marriage. The word is used loosely? And yes abusive or not when people hammer and hammer on each other verbally for years it's going to take it's toll. People start shutting down emotionally, some can heal and work on the marriage. Others can't. If you are still fighting, a shrink once told me there's hope. When you reach a point of complete apathy that's different. Another source for you that many on this site have read is Too Bad to Stay, too Good to Leave, it's a book that helps you decide what your marriage really is, how to define abuse, if you are still attracted and how much hope there really is - if you should stay or go basically. It's not like the Hope for the Separated book, it's not Christian but the counselor who wrote the book basically has you logically add up factors in your marriage - and gives examples of what can be fixed and what can't - based on studies of couples... ie those who leave and are typically happier years later and those who stay and really do the work. Of course separation can be the first step to a divorce, so be very careful - get some advise and wisdom - as you might be going in a direction where you can't go back very easily. I don't think anyone on this site is going to give you advice as we don't know what you mean by "abuse" and what you are dealing with, but I'm giving you some sources and ideas.
