Hello all,

I am new here and I need advice on how to deal with a relationship that may be beyond saving. My girlfriend of 5 years has told me "I need some space and time to think". We both have had a rough year with work, family and financial problems. We have not been close at all and have very little communication since 12-15 months ago.

We have now reached a point where she doesn't know if she wants to continue with our relationship. She says that we have nothing in common and that we have just been living living alongside each other and no with each other.

I agree with her, but believe that with some help from a councillor, we can re-establish our communication and begin developing the relationship that we both want. She is not so sure.

She has began seeing a councillor, but wants to talk things out by herself first before she makes any decision about us. I have moved out (hopefully temporarially) to give her the space that she asked for, but I think that she has just been avoiding dealing with the situation. It has been a month now and she says that she still doesn't miss me.

I love her more than anything and believe that she is just mixed up about what she really wants. I know in my heart that we can work this out, if only she realizes that we can have what we both want. I know she loves me, but is lost in the "lack" of relationship that we have had over the past year.

Can anyone give me some helpful advice on what I should do? I want to work this out, but I don't want to pressure her into something.

Please help!!

I need space

Hello I need space,

Welcome to Marriage Builders (MB).

Can you tell us how old you and your GF (girlfriend) are? Do you know if she may be involved with anyone else?

I would suggest you read the concepts here and get HNHN
(His Needs Her Needs) for a start.Even though you aren't married yet,there are some things you can try to help make the relationship better from your perspective.If you also look at the MB bookstore,there are other great books to choose from.

Seeing a counselor is a good choice but it may not make things better.One thing that we hear often here is the phrase "I need my space" which can translate into wanting to be free to enagage in another relationship free of scrutiny.I'm not sure your GF is cheating but it's so rampant these days you always have to look at that as a possibility.

Take a look at what emotional needs ( EN's ) are and what the Love Bank is and see if you can't do something for your GF now to help her see and feel that things could be better.Of course she also has to work at this but she is conflicted so it may not be easy for her.

Lastly,do some reading around the other boards here such as the dating section or emotional needs.Some boards here are much slower than other's and you may get more responses over there.

Hope this helps for now.

There is a great book called "5 Love Languages". It can really transform a relationship if the suggestions are applied by both parties. . .

Best of luck to you.